Sunday, March 30, 2008

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Understanding Teen Runaways


Knowing the Difference: Runaway, Missing or Sneaking?

When a teen turns up "missing," parents must initially decide whether the child is missing, has run away, or simply sneaked out.

There are differences, and those differences are very important. A missing child could have been abducted by someone against his/her will and is being held, possibly threatened. A missing child can also be a child who is simply missing; the child did not return home when expected and may be lost or injured.

Runaway teens and sneaking teens are often confused, as both leave a supervised environment of their own free will. Sneaking teens leave home for a short period of time, with intent to return, most likely during the night or while a parent can be fooled. A runaway teen leaves home or a supervised environment for good, with intent to live separate from his/her parents. Runaway teens will likely have shown symptoms prior to running away.

In most cases, a teen runs away after a frustrating and heated argument with one or both parents. Often times, the runaway will stay with a friend or relative close by to cool off. In more serious cases, a teen may run away often and leave with no notion of where they are going.

Warning Signs your Teen May Become a Runaway

Attempts to communicate with your teen have only resulted in ongoing arguments, yelling, interruptions, hurtful name- calling, bruised feelings and failure to come to an agreement or compromise.

Your teen has become involved in a network of friends or peers who seem often unsupervised, rebellious, defiant, involved with drugs or alcohol or who practice other alarming social behavior.
A noticeable pattern of irrational, impulsive and emotionally abusive behavior by either parent or teen.

The Grass Looks Greener on the Other Side

Often, we hear our teens use "My friend's parents let her do it!" or, "Everything is better at my friend's house!" The parents of your teen's friends may be more lenient, choose later curfew times, allow co-ed events or give higher allowances. While you as parent know all parents work differently, it can be very difficult for your teen to understand.

Motivations of a Runaway

To avoid an emotional experience or consequence that they are expecting as a result of a parental, sibling, friend or romantic relationship/situation.

To escape a recurring or ongoing painful or difficult experience in their home, school or work life.
To keep from losing privileges to activities, relationships, friendships or any other things considered important or worthwhile.

To be with other people such as friends or relatives who are supportive, encouraging and active in ways they feel are missing from their lives.

To find companionship or activity in places that distract them from other problems they are dealing with.

To change or stop what they are doing or about to do.

As parents or guardians we strive to create positive, loving households in order to raise respectful, successful and happy adults. In order to achieve this, rules must be put in place. Teens who run away from home are often crying for attention. Some teens will attempt to run away just once, after an unusually heated argument or situation in the household, and return shortly after. More serious cases, however, happen with teens in extreme emotional turmoil.

Parents also need to be extremely aware of the symptoms, warning signs and dangers of teenage depression. Far too many teens are suffering from this disease and going untreated. Often, runaways feel they have no other choice but to leave their home, and this is in many cases related to their feelings of sadness, anger and frustration due to depression.

Teenage Depression

There are many causes of depression, and every child, regardless of social status, race, age or gender is at risk. Be aware and be understanding. To an adult juggling family and career, it may seem that a young teenager has nothing to be "depressed" about! Work for a mutual communication between the two of you. The more your teenager can confide his/her daily problems and concerns, the more you can have a positive and helpful interaction before the problems overwhelm them.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff - Teen Suicide, Communication with your Teen



As you have probably heard before, talking to your teen about suicide is one of the most important things you can do in helping to prevent a suicide attempt. Many times parents are unsure of what to say and instead say nothing. Here are some suggestions of how you can open the channels of communication and help your teen open up.


First, tell your teen you care; no matter the state of your relationship, just hearing this can go a long way. Tell your teen you are there if needed, and are willing to listen without judging. NAMI estimates that around 80% of all teens who attempt suicide give some sort of verbal or nonverbal warning beforehand, so be sure to take whatever your teen says completely seriously.

A common mistake parents make when dealing with a suicidal teen is thinking that if they mention suicide they will be planting the idea in their teen’s brain. This is simply not accurate. In fact, by mentioning your fears, you are showing your teen that you take their actions and their life seriously. Remember, most people who are suicidal do not really want to die- they want to put an end to the suffering they are experiencing. When given an opportunity to be helped through that suffering, or when some of that suffering is alleviated by knowing they aren’t alone, this can help reduce the desire to end the pain by more drastic means.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Sue Scheff: Spoiled, Entitled, Materialistic Kids




Affuenza


We’ve seen them, heard them, some of us may even be raising them ourselves: children who want more, faster, bigger, better. Cars, cell phones, designer clothes.

Psychiatrists say we’re raising a generation that is spoiled, materialistic and bored. It often starts with well-meaning parents who want to give their kids every advantage... and ends with kids who believe that what they have is more important than who they are.

There’s even a name for it: Affluenza. There is also a cure. Again, it starts with parents.

“What parents have to do first is be aware that this is as bad for their children as feeding them candy every day,” says Dr. Peter Whybrow, psychiatrist and neuroscientist.

In the video program, Affluenza, you’ll hear from real kids who have learned that greater affluence – more stuff – doesn’t lead to real happiness… and in fact, can take away from the things that do make us happy. Watch Affluenza with your family, and learn how you can help stop this “disease” from infecting your kids.

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Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff): Swearing Habit Among Teens

By Connect with Kids

“I cussed again in that class so I got another detention … it’s just in my vocabulary.”

– Tyler, 15

Most four-letter words have been around for centuries, but many educators, authors and parents feel that today’s teens are using those words more than any generation in the past. Teenagers may not think that’s a problem, but experts have a different take.

In a casual conversation between Verona and her friends, you need to “bleep” out a lot of words.

“Everyone swears,” says Verona, 14.

“I mean, it’s nothing big to us,” says Tyler, 15.

Experts estimate that the average teen uses between 80 and 90 swear words a day.

“I see kids all the time now who talk to their parents that way and talk to their friends that way,” says Deborah Christy, English teacher.

Where are kids picking up this language? Researchers say they hear it from each other and from the media, including movies, music and television.

“A lot more is accepted in the 7 to 9 o’clock time on TV. There’s a lot more that is accepted now than 10 years ago. So if kids hear things in the mainstream media, they are going to be more used to it, it’s not going to have the shock value, it’s going to seem more acceptable,” says Nancy McGarrah, Ph.D., psychologist.

“When children have seen that happening on television, they think it’s okay for them in their real lives,” says Christy.

The problem is that cussing can become a habit.

“And while your best friend may appreciate that it’s a joke, a stranger won’t, an employer won’t, a teacher won’t,” says Christy.

Tyler got sent to detention for saying the f-word in front of a teacher and then…

“I cussed again in that class so I got another detention …it’s just in my vocabulary,” says Tyler.

Experts say that parents should explain to their children that four-letter words send a message about you and the person you’re talking to.

“It’s a question of respect. It’s the image that I want you to present to the world… it’s how I want to be treated and it’s how others want to be treated,” says Christy.

Tips for Parents

In much of today’s teen culture, it has become acceptable to swear and verbally abuse others -- more than in any previous generation. While parents may not be able to totally prevent abusive language from entering their homes (in music, television and other media), teens should understand the limits their parents set. (Centre for Addiction and Mental Health, CAMH)

Language is a powerful means by which teens control the actions of others, including dating partners, parents and peers. Be especially vigilant for expressions that put down others, no matter how "innocent" or "joking" they may seem, and point out what these expressions really communicate. (CAMH)

Try to initiate positive communication with your teenager whenever the opportunity arises. If you are experiencing conflict with your teen over rules, chores, school, peers, etc., talk to them about it, but also attempt to have positive conversations with your teen about other things. (CAMH)

Parents who try and enforce absolutes are often in conflict with their teens and most often are kept in the dark about their activities. The alternative is to discuss choices and the pros and cons of these new-found opportunities in a non-threatening manner, and obtain their understanding in advance of consequences for breach of trust. (CAMH) Connect with Kids research-based DVDs, such as Civil Wars, help parents and teens talk about tough issues in a non-threatening way.

Set high standards and have high expectations for your teens regarding their behavior, and enforce these standards with consistent discipline. However, you should provide an atmosphere of acceptance and psychological autonomy where the teen's views and individuality can develop freely. (CAMH)

References

Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH)

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Sue Scheff - Teen Defiance


Parent's Universal Resource Experts has found that children that have ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) are very confrontational and need to have life their own way. A child does not have to be diagnosed ODD to be defiant. It is a trait that some teens experience through their puberty years.


Defiant teens, disrespectful teens, angry teens and rebellious teens can affect the entire family.An effective way to work with defiant teens is through anger and stress management classes. If you have a local therapist*, ask them if they offer these classes. Most will have them along with support groups and other beneficial classes.


In today's teens we are seeing that defiant teens have taken it to a new level. Especially if your child is also ADD/ADHD, the ODD combination can literally pull a family apart.


You will find yourself wondering what you ever did to deserve the way your child is treating you. It is very sad, yet very real. Please know that many families are experiencing this feeling of destruction within their home. Many wonder "why" and unfortunately each child is different with a variety of issues they are dealing with. Once a child is placed into proper treatment, the healing process can begin.If you feel your teen is in need of further Boarding School, Military School or Program Options, please complete our Information Request Form.


Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff): SMOKING POT AND LUNG DAMAGE


By Connect with Kids

“This latest study shows that you have destruction of lung tissue, reduction of lung vital capacity and a decreased ability to exhale if you smoke marijuana. What’s probably the most disturbing part of this latest article is that it shows that a cigarette is really much less potent than a joint of marijuana.”

– Fadlo Khuri, M.D., oncologist

According to the latest Monitoring the Future report, more than 40 percent of 12-graders have experimented with marijuana. In fact, it is the most commonly-abused illegal drug. While parents, teachers and physicians have been warning kids about pot for years, new information shows it’s even more dangerous than we thought.

Andrew was 14 years old when he first tried pot.

“I didn’t even inhale it all the way, I just took it into my mouth, but I loved the taste. I knew that I liked it,” says Andrew Wolpa, 18.

From there he experimented with alcohol, painkillers, mushrooms and almost every drug -- except one.

“I never smoked cigarettes because those things will kill ya, you know,” says Wolpa.

But according to a study by the Medical Research Institute of New Zealand, smoking one marijuana joint is equal to smoking five cigarettes at the same time.

“This latest study shows that you have destruction of lung tissue, reduction of lung vital capacity and a decreased ability to exhale if you smoke marijuana. What’s probably the most disturbing part of this latest article is that it shows that a cigarette is really much less potent than a joint of marijuana,” says Fadlo Khuri, M.D., oncologist.

And he says smoking pot can lead to emphysema and lung cancer.

“That’s a real problem because we only cure about 15 to 17 percent of all the people who present with lung cancer nowadays. So this is a disease in which you have a 1-in-6 chance of surviving it for five years or longer,” says Khuri.

Khuri says that talking about painful and serious diseases is one way to persuade kids not to use marijuana.

“Confronting them with the data, showing them what the outcomes are with lung cancer and emphysema, with what some individuals would consider even moderate marijuana or cigarette use,” says Khuri.

Andrew says even though he’s in rehab, he’s not ready to quit.

“I don’t want to be clean yet. I’m not there,” says Wolpa.

Tips for Parents

From the Nemours Foundation:

Marijuana is the most widely used illegal drug in the United States. It is a dry, shredded green/brown mix of flowers, stems, seeds, and leaves of the plant Cannabis Sativa. A stronger form of marijuana called hashish (hash) looks like brown or black cakes or balls. Street names for marijuana include pot, herb, weed, grass, Jane, reefer, dope, and ganja.

Marijuana is typically smoked in cigarettes (joints or spliffs), hollowed-out cigars (blunts), pipes (bowls), or water pipes (bongs). Some people mix it into food or brew it as a tea.

Marijuana is just as damaging to your lungs as cigarettes – and some reports show that it is even worse. Steady users suffer coughs, wheezing, frequent colds, and respiratory infections, such as bronchitis.

There are more than 400 known chemicals in marijuana. A single joint contains four times as much cancer-causing tar as a filtered cigarette. (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services)

References

Nemours Foundation
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Friday, March 7, 2008

Sue Scheff: Preventing Addiction Giving Kids Ways to Say No to Drugs


A generation ago, with the idea to prevent drug addition for future generations, former first lady Nancy Reagan launched her famous anti-drug campaign with the slogan, “just say no to drugs.” Sadly, addiction and drugs still plague our children despite the best efforts of educators and parents. The benefits of drug prevention are real but our approach to prevention has not been successful.


Now, drug and alcohol prevention research is available from Dr. John Fleming in the book Preventing Addiction. In this first-of-its-kind book, Dr. Fleming introduces real ideas to prevent drug use and alcohol consumption in our children based on medical science and on Dr. Fleming’s personal experience as a parent of four grown children. He helps to fully explain the phenomenon of addiction and shows parents the best new ways to raise and train children to avoid drug and alcohol addiction.


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Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Sue Scheff: What your children are doing shouldn't be mystery

Who’s pressuring your kids? Who’s offering them alcohol or drugs? Who’s talking to them on the Internet? Whether we’re teachers, parents, counselors…sometimes we just don’t know what’s really going on in a child’s life.

If you want to talk to your kids about the challenges they face, but aren’t sure what to say, our programs will help…with real kids sharing their true stories, and advice from experts, educators and parents who have “been there.”

Click here for a fantastic educational resource to help you help your kids!

Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?

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