Sue Scheff on Defiant Teens

Sue Scheff: Teen Cutting - Self Injury

2009-07-25T07:50:00.001-07:00

If you discover that your teen is cutting, there are several important keys to remember. First and foremost, approach your teen with a level head. Address your teen calmly and supportively. Do not react angrily or upset your teen in any way. Experts warn that overreacting or reacting loudly or angrily can often push your teen further away and increase the cutting or self injuring behaviors. Your teen needs to know you are open to hearing what she has to say and getting her the help she needs. You should also tell your teen that you are not upset with her, love her, and know she is in a lot of pain.

Counseling for a teen that cuts is crucial. It can often take many years of therapy before your teen is willing or able to uncover the reasons she cuts herself. Schools, pediatricians and emergency rooms can be extremely helpful at providing resources for teens that cut. Often there are local support groups for parents who feel guilty or unsure of how to deal with a teen that cuts. A great resource specifically for self injurers and their families is S.A.F.E (Self Abuse Finally Ends) Alternatives, an organization dedicated treating victims of self abuse.

Learn more here.

Sue Scheff: Defiant Teens? Parent and Teen Book May Help

2009-05-15T16:46:00.001-07:00

THE SECRETS TO SURVIVING AND THRIVING IN YOUR TEENS, by Lori Hanson

Award-Winning Author of “It Started with Pop-Tarts (R)”, Lori Hanson, wrote an amazing very quick and easy read parent and teen book. What I loved about this book is it was written in a fashion that addresses some serious issues that teens face today, however in a condensed and easy to understand format.

I literally finished it in less than 2 hours (with many interruptions) and was very impressed how Lori both talked to teens and parents - almost at the same time - and you could feel that Lori is connecting.

I recommend any parents of teens today purchase this book and share it with their teen. What a great way to start communications - since today many parents have lost that connection with many teens.

Oh, did I mention Lori incorporates her dogs (Sasha and Yagger) as analogies - absolutely fantastic - we all love dogs and to see them and their actions helping us as parents to understand human behavior was brilliant and again, something we can all relate to.

You can purchase this book here. Don’ miss it! Get it before it hits the book stores!

Sue Scheff: Help Prevent Teen Violence

2009-04-25T05:15:00.001-07:00

It comes to a point where you are almost afraid to turn on the news. Kids with guns, teens shooting teens, threats, bullying and more - it is time for parents to take the time and learn more. Talk to your kids - open those lines of communication. Raising kids today has become more challenging than ever. I hear from parents almost on a daily basis and I am stunned at what these kids are learning and doing at such a young age.

Source: Connect with Kids

Can Students Prevent Violence by Telling?

“He was saying ‘I’m gonna kill people,’ everyone took it as a joke. I can’t say that I would take it any differently.”

– Joanna, 15, talking about the school shooting in Santee, California

A student who seems strange, a comment that sounds frightening … how can students tell who’s serious and who isn’t, what’s a joke and what’s a real threat?

The problem is students say those kinds of ‘jokes’ are made all the time.

“I’ve had friends who were just like, ‘man I just want to kill that teacher’ or ‘I just hate it here and want to blow up the school,’” says Tara-Lynn, a high school junior, “I’ve probably said things like that myself.”

“I mean I hear people say that all the time. I don’t take it seriously,” adds Joanna, a freshman.

When should students take it seriously? They’re in a bind. If they tell on someone, they’re called a rat or a snitch. If they don’t tell, someone could die or be injured. Always in the back of their mind, what if they tell on someone… and they’re wrong?

“How do you know you’re not gonna just end up crying ‘wolf’ all the time, every time a kid makes a threat,” says Cliff, a junior.

How should kids evaluate a threat? Experts say first, kids should follow their instincts. If something another student says doesn’t feel right, even just a little bit, it probably isn’t.

“Either afraid, or guilty, or this is just going against my values, it doesn’t feel right,” says psychologist Dr. Wendy Blumenthal.

Then find an adult you trust. Someone you can trust to protect your anonymity. Someone you can trust not to panic when you tell them you’re worried.

Maybe that’s your parents, but it could also be a school counselor, a minister from your church or a coach.

Because if a disaster happens and you stay silent about what you heard, just think how that would make you feel.

“Because if we take everything for granted,” says Crystal, a junior, “this (the school shooting in California) is what can happen.”

Tips for Parents
Police have been able to prevent several ‘Columbine-like’ massacres at US schools recently–thanks to tips from students. Students notified school officials after learning that other students planned to carry out violent acts. And while kids are more willing to report threats of violence after Columbine, experts say parents should explain to their children that there is a difference between ‘telling’ and ‘tattling.’

According to the National Education Association (NEA):

Children ‘tattle’ to get their own way or to get someone else in trouble.
Children should be encouraged to ‘tell’ an adult when someone is in danger of getting hurt.
Some schools have started anonymous hotlines so that parents or children can provide information that could alert authorities to potential problems.

According to the American Psychological Association one in 12 high schoolers is threatened or injured with a weapon each year. To reduce that risk, the APA lists several ‘warning signs’ that kids need to recognize in other students, indications that violence is a “serious possibility”:

Loss of temper on a daily basis
Frequent physical fighting
Significant vandalism or property damage
Increase in use of drugs or alcohol
Increase in risk-taking behavior
Detailed plans to commit acts of violence
Announcing threats or plans for hurting others
Enjoying hurting animals
Carrying a weapon
Once students recognize a warning sign, the APA says there are things they can do. Hoping that someone else will deal with the problem is “the easy way out.” The advice for students:

Above all, be safe. Don’t spend time alone with people who show warning signs.
Tell someone you trust and respect about your concerns and ask for help (a family member, guidance counselor, teacher, school psychologist, coach, clergy, or friend).
If you are worried about becoming a victim of violence, get someone to protect you. Do not resort to violence or use a weapon to protect yourself.
The key to preventing violent behavior, according to the APA, is asking an experienced professional for help. The important thing to remember is, don’t go it alone.

References
National Education Association
American Psychological Association

Sue Scheff: Teens and Eating Disorders

2009-04-19T07:40:00.000-07:00

Especially young girls today, the peer pressure can encourage your young teen/tween that being “thin” is in. Teen body image can lead to other concerns, whether your child is suffering with some depression, not being able to fit in at school, or just plain feeling fat and ugly - we need to talk to them and explain about Teens and Eating Disorders, including anorexic. Teen Obesity is another issue parents need to learn more about.

Source: Connect with Kids

“I think that it definitely had something to do with my mom and my sister talking about different diets, and at that age …you don’t understand everything that they are discussing and the way that they’re discussing it, and in my head I blew it up as something bigger.”
– Shay Fuell, recovering anorexic

About 2.5 million Americans suffer from anorexia. Shay Fuell was only nine years old when the fixation began.

“(I) was starting to have body-image issues and looking in the mirror sideways and just pinching my skin seeing if there was fat there,” she says.

A few years later, she was 5-feet-2 and weighed 78 pounds.

“Literally, it becomes [a part of] every thought … in your head,” she says. “You can’t think about anything else. You can’t concentrate on anything. You can’t even hold a conversation with somebody because you are thinking about the last meal that you ate or what you should be doing to work out or how you’re going to be able to throw up without anybody knowing.”

According to the Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality, the number of girls under the age of 12 hospitalized for eating disorders has more than doubled since 1999.

“I don’t know if they’re actually developing them younger or if it’s that parents are having a greater awareness of what’s going on with their children,” says Brigette Bellott, Ph.D., a psychologist and eating disorder specialist.

What’s going on, typically, is depression, children obsessed with eating or overly anxious about their weight and their appearance.

“Things to watch,” says Bellott, “what do they believe about their own body? I mean I would ask that: “What do you think about your body, how do you feel about it?”
Experts say it’s crucial for parents to catch the first signs of an eating disorder because the fatality rate for anorexic women is 10 to 15 percent.

“Some of them [die] through malnourishment, some through suicide,” says Mary Weber-Young, L.P.C. “It is the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric illness.”

Shay wasn’t diagnosed until she was 14. It took five difficult years of treatment before she had fully recovered.
“It was an addiction,” she admits. “It was an obsession.”

Tips for Parents
The American Academy of Family Physicians (AAFP) describes an eating disorder as “an obsession with food and weight.” The two main eating disorders are anorexia nervosa (an obsession with being thin) and bulimia (eating a lot of food at once and then throwing up or using laxatives; also known as ‘binging and purging’). Who has eating disorders? According to the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders:
Eight million or more people in the US have an eating disorder.

Ninety percent are women
Victims may be rich or poor
Eating disorders usually start in the teens
Eighty-six percent of victims report onset by age 20
Eating disorders may begin as early as age 8
Seventy-seven percent report duration of one to 15 years
Six percent of serious cases end in death

It’s not always easy for parents to determine if their daughter or son is suffering from an eating disorder. But the AAFP does list the following warning signs for anorexia and bulimia:

Unnatural concern about body weight (even if the person is not overweight)
Obsession with calories, fat grams and food
Use of any medicines to keep from gaining weight (diet pills, laxatives, water pills)
The more serious warning signs can be more difficult to notice because people with eating disorders often try to hide the symptoms:
Throwing up after meals
Refusing to eat or lying about how much was eaten
Fainting
Over-exercising
Not having periods
Increased anxiety about weight
Calluses or scars on the knuckle (from forced throwing up)
Denying that there is anything wrong

If left untreated, people with eating disorders can suffer some health problems, including disorders of the stomach, heart and kidneys; irregular periods or no periods at all; fine hair all over the body, including the face; dry scaly skin; dental problems (from throwing up stomach acid); dehydration.

Eating disorders can be treated. The first step is getting back to a normal weight, or at least to the lower limits of the normal weight range, according to Dr. Rex Forehand, a psychologist at the Institute for behavioral Research at the University of Georgia. But more needs to be done, Dr. Forehand says. “Attitudes and beliefs about body weight and eating patterns must also be changed. A comprehensive intervention may be necessary.”

Treatment may require hospitalization. The physician may recommend a dietician. For both anorexics and bulimics, family and individual counseling may be helpful.

References
Agency for Healthcare Research and Quality
American Academy of Family Physicians
National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders

Sue Scheff: Teenagers Getting Tattoo's

2009-04-14T07:54:00.001-07:00

Source: TeensHealth

It seems like everyone has a tattoo these days. What used to be the property of sailors, outlaws, and biker gangs is now a popular body decoration for many people. And it's not just anchors, skulls, and battleships anymore — from school emblems to Celtic designs to personalized symbols, people have found many ways to express themselves with their tattoos. Maybe you've thought about getting one. But before you head down to the nearest tattoo shop and roll up your sleeve, there are a few things you need to know.

WHAT IS A TATTOO?

A tattoo is a puncture wound, made deep in your skin, that's filled with ink. It's made by penetrating your skin with a needle and injecting ink into the area, usually creating some sort of design. What makes tattoos so long-lasting is they're so deep — the ink isn't injected into the epidermis (the top layer of skin that you continue to produce and shed throughout your lifetime). Instead, the ink is injected into the dermis, which is the second, deeper layer of skin. Dermis cells are very stable, so the tattoo is practically permanent.

Tattoos used to be done manually — that is, the tattoo artist would puncture the skin with a needle and inject the ink by hand. Though this process is still used in some parts of the world, most tattoo shops use a tattoo machine these days. A tattoo machine is a handheld electric instrument that uses a tube and needle system. On one end is a sterilized needle, which is attached to tubes that contain ink. A foot switch is used to turn on the machine, which moves the needle in and out while driving the ink about 1/8 inch (about 3 millimeters) into your skin.Most tattoo artists know how deep to drive the needle into your skin, but not going deep enough will produce a ragged tattoo, and going too deep can cause bleeding and intense pain. Getting a tattoo can take several hours, depending on the size and design chosen.

Read entire article: http://teenshealth.org/teen/your_body/body_art/safe_tattooing.html

Sue Scheff: Cell Phones, Teens and Fatalities

2009-04-05T10:51:00.000-07:00

Source: Connect with Kids

“Three days later I woke up out of a coma, just for my husband to tell me that Ryan wasn’t gonna make it.”
– Lisa Duffner, mother

Ryan Duffner’s second birthday was memorable for the Lisa and Rorry Duffner. There were balloons, a cake and wishes for many more, but, unfortunately, it was Ryan’s last birthday. Two months later Ryan and Lisa, while on their daily walk, were hit by a car. The driver was a sixteen-year-old who was dialing her cell phone. The impact threw Ryan thirty feet and Lisa sixty feet. Lisa was knocked unconscious.

“Three days later I woke up out of a coma, just for my husband to tell me that Ryan wasn’t going to make it,” Lisa says, while fighting back tears.

Duffner was in such critical condition that doctors wouldn’t allow her to hold her son in the moments before his death.

“Not to say goodbye to my own baby—that was hard,” she says.

A study by the Harvard Center for Risk Analysis estimates that 6 percent of crashes are due to cell phones, resulting in 2,600 deaths and 12,000 serious injuries per year.

Seventeen-year-old Edgar admits that talking on the phone is often distracting. “When I’m dialing a number or something like that, I’ve caught myself kind of drifting off,” he says.
Edgar uses the cell phone while driving, in spite of his mom’s strict rules. “She’s always freaking out telling me, ‘Don’t be using your cell phone while you’re driving. ‘” Pull over if you have to,’” he says.

Though Lisa Duffner thinks that cell phones are necessary, she doesn’t have much patience for people that can’t take the time to pull over and make the call. “My biggest thing is just to pull over to make your phone call. Are you so self-important that you endanger everybody else’s lives?” she says.

Experts say that looking at a detailed phone bill is a way of checking up on kids’ phone usage. “You can look at that, and you can tell if they’re spending a lot of time on the phone coming from school to home. Then obviously they’re doing it,” says Captain Tommy Brown, Department of Public Safety.

But for teenagers, seeing the effects of what can happen, like the death of a two-year-old, may be the strongest tool for convincing them to hang up and drive.
Ryan’s absence reminds Duffner every day of the dangers of driving-while-distracted. “He was just that happy-go-lucky, jump-off-of-everything, friendly little kid. He just loved life.”

Tips for Parents

It is very likely that your teenager will pick up the majority of his/her driving habits from watching you. According to a survey by Liberty Mutual and Students Against Destructive Decisions (SADD), nearly two-thirds of teenagers polled say their parents talk on the cell phone while driving, almost half say their parents speed, and just under one-third say their parents don’t wear seatbelts. The following statistics, therefore, shouldn’t be very surprising:
Sixty-two percent of high school drivers say they talk on a cell phone while driving, and approximately half of high school teens who do not yet drive (52 percent) and middle school students (47 percent) expect they will engage in this behavior when they begin driving.
Sixty-seven percent of high school drivers say they speed.

Thirty-three percent of high school drivers say they do not wear their seatbelt while driving.
Cell phones have been transformed from status symbols into everyday accessories. In fact, cell phones are so prevalent among teenagers that a recent study found that they viewed talking on the phone nearly the same as talking to someone face-to-face. And with the latest studies showing that at least 56 percent of 13- to 17-year-olds own cell phones, the issue of cell phone usage is more pertinent than ever.

If you believe your teen should have a cell phone, it is important to lay down a few ground rules. The National Institute on Media and the Family suggests the following guidelines for setting limits on your teen’s cell phone use:
Choose a plan that puts some reasonable limits on your teen’s phone time. Make sure he or she knows what the limits are so he or she can do some budgeting.

Let your teen know that the two of you will be reviewing the bill together so you will have some idea of how the phone is being used.

If use exceeds the plan limits, the charges can mount very quickly. Make sure your teen has some consequences, financial or otherwise, if limits are exceeded.

Teach your child about the dangers of using the cell phone while driving and the distractions it can cause.

Find out what the school’s policies are regarding cell phone use and let your teen know that you will completely support the school’s standards.

Agree on some cell phone etiquette. For example, no phone calling during meals or when it is bothersome or rude to other people.

Conversely, let your teen know that any “phone bullying” or cheating via text messaging will not be tolerated.

Let your teen know that his or her use of the cell phone is contingent on following the ground rules. No compliance, no phone.

References
Harvard Center for Risk Analysis
Liberty Mutual
Rutgers University
Students Against Destructive Decisions- SADD

Sue Scheff: Troubled Teens

2009-03-23T08:33:00.000-07:00

It stems back to "children need to have their self-esteem built up to make good decisions." Today most families are either single parent or both parents are working full time. This is not the fault of the teen, nor is it the fault of the parents. It is today's world and we must try to find the middle. Troubled teens, rebellious teens, angry teens, problem teens, difficult teens, depressed teens; unfortunately are part of the society of adolescents today.

Communication is always the first to go when people get busy. We have seen this over and over again. We have also experienced it and feel that our children shut us out; this can lead to difficult teens and teens with problems. Although we are tired and exhausted, along with the stress of today's life, we need to stop and take a moment for our kids.

Talk and LISTEN to them. Ask lots of questions, get to know their friends and their friend’s parents, take part in their interests, be supportive if they are having a hard time, even if you can't understand it; be there for them.

This all sounds so easy and so simple, but take it from parents that have walked this path, it is not easy. When a parent works a full day, has stress from the job along with household chores, not to mention the bills, it is hard to find that moment.

We are all guilty of neglect at one time or another after all, we are only human and can only do so much. We feel the exhaustion mounting watching our teens grow more out of control, yet we are too tired to address it. Out of control teens can completely disrupt a family and cause marriages to break up as well as emotional breakdowns.We know many feel it is just a stage, and with some, it may be. However most times it does escalate to where we are today. Researching for help; PURE is here for you, as we have been where you are today.

Do you have a difficult teen, struggling teen, defiant teen, out of control teen, rebellious teen, angry teen, depressed teen? Do you feel hopeless, at your wits end? Visit http://www.helpyourteens.com/.

Sue Scheff: Parents Learn More About Teen Medicine Abuse

2009-03-15T06:51:00.001-07:00

Source: StopMedicineAbuse

Welcome to the Five Moms: Stopping Cough Medicine Abuse Campaign

Learn about teen cough medicine abuse.Share information about abuse.

First launched in May 2007, the Five Moms Campaign has reached over 24 million parents with these basic messages to parents about preventing teen cough medicine abuse.

When the campaign launched, teen cough medicine abuse was on the increase. Now, nationwide statistics point to a slight decrease. That’s great news, but more work has to be done to eliminate this type of substance abuse behavior among teens.

CHPA brought together five moms—a pediatric nurse practitioner, an accountant, a D.A.R.E. officer, an educator, and an author—from different backgrounds and from all over the country to encourage parents to get involved in stopping cough medicine abuse. And now Five Moms is part of the StopMedicineAbuse.org effort.

Join the campaign. Membership is free and entitles you to the monthly e-newsletter and occasional e-mail updates. (Read our privacy policy.)

Tell your friends about teen cough medicine abuse. You can use the English or Spanish tell-a-friend feature.

Learn more about the issue, how to talk with your teens about drug abuse, and how to protect them from different online threats.

Sue Scheff: Which Battles Should you Pick with your Teens?

2009-03-07T04:38:00.001-08:00

Doesn’t this sound familiar? I always remember when my kids were teens my friend would say to me, you have to pick and choose your battles - some issues are just not worth the battle. Years later, Connect with Kids offers some great parenting tips on doing exactly that!

Source: Connect with Kids

“I love shocking [people], because I’m something somebody will remember.”

– Sara Jackson, 16 years old

Teenagers are freedom seekers, risk-takers and rule breakers. Pushing limits is just what teenagers do. “I love the rush. I love the freedom,” says 17-year-old Alan Oliver.

Sixteen-year-old Sara Jackson agrees that breaking rules and taking chances is a rush. “It’s something I take great pride in. I love shocking [people], because I’m something somebody will remember.”

When kids become teens, they start breaking away, trying new things and taking chances. For Sara, that means wearing funky clothes and crazy hairdos. People, especially adults, notice Sara’s wild style.

“They come up to me and say you’re looking kind of crazy today. What’s going on with the whole style thing?” she says.

But some kids find other, more dangerous ways to show their independence. They take risks. Dan O’brien got involved in drugs and alcohol. “I mean, every time I drank, I drank to get drunk,” he says.

Ed Drury, age 17, gets his rush from speeding. Standing around with friends at his favorite Friday night hangout, Ed admits why he likes to come here. “There’s always a lot of racing, a lot of speeding.”

Experts confirm what most of us already know. Teenagers oftentimes don’t think about the consequences of their actions. Says Dr. Nancy Macgarrah: “It’s this whole sense of invulnerability tied with the lack of maturity. “

Since we know teenagers are going to take chances, experts say it’s wise to be strict on the issues that reallymatter.

“You know, it’s not so much … is your hair orange or purple or do you have two earrings or three earrings. I mean, those aren’t life-ending decisions, but whether you wear seatbelts or not, whether you drink and drive or not, you know whether you drive 20 miles over the speed limit. And those all can be life-ending decisions,” Dr. Macgarrah says.

For kids like Sara, dressing funky, doing wild things with their hair and just being a little different all satisfy the need for independence.

“When I spike my hair, it makes me feel good about myself. I like it. It’s something different. It lets people know what kind of person I am,” Sara says.

Tips for Parents
The most difficult challenges many parents face, according to the American Psychological Association, come during their children’s teenage years. Teenagers, dealing with a complex world and hormonal changes, may feel that no one can understand their feelings, least of all their parents. Teens and parents alike may be left feeling angry, frustrated and confused. The APA says methods of discipline that worked well in earlier years no longer seem to be effective. As a result, the teen years are “ripe” for producing conflict in the family. Typical areas of conflict may include:

Disputes over curfew
Choice of friends
Spending time with family instead of friends
School and work performance
Cars and driving privileges
Dating and sexuality
Clothing, hair styles and makeup
Self-destructive behaviors, such as smoking, drinking and using drugs
The teen years are tough, but most families seem to be successful at helping their children accomplish their developmental goals: reducing dependence on parents while becoming increasingly responsible and independent. However, the APA does list some warning signs that things are not going well and that the family may want to seek outside help:

Aggressive behavior or violence by the teen
Drug or alcohol abuse
Promiscuity
School truancy
Brushes with the law or runaway behavior
Parents resorting to hitting or other violence in an attempt to maintain discipline
There are different styles and approaches to parenting. According to the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, research shows that effective parents raise well-adjusted children who are more self-reliant, self-controlled and positively curious than children raised by parents who are punitive, overly strict (authoritarian) or permissive. Effective parents demonstrate the following behaviors:

Believe that both the child and the parents have certain rights and that the needs of both are important
Rule out the use physical force to discipline the child
Set clear rules and explain why these rules are important
Reason with the child and consider the child’s point of view even though they may not agree with it
Tips for effective discipline:

Trust your child to do the right thing within the limits of your child’s age and stage of development.
Make sure what you ask for is reasonable.
Speak to your child as you would want to be spoken to if someone were reprimanding you. Don’t resort to name-calling, yelling or other disrespectful behavior.
Be clear about what you mean. Be firm and specific.
Model positive behavior. “Do as I say, not as I do” seldom works.
Allow for negotiation and flexibility, which can help build your child’s social skills.
Let your child experience the consequences of his or her behavior.
Whenever possible, consequences should be delivered immediately, should relate to the rule broken and be short enough in duration that you can move on again to emphasize the positives.
Consequences should be fair and appropriate to the situation and the child’s age.

References
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
American Psychological Association
Temple University

Sue Scheff - Parent Resources in Florida

2009-02-20T10:38:00.000-08:00

After speaking with a mother in Northern Florida, she introduced me to another valuable website of information for other parents. Parents’ Universal Resource Experts is based on parents helping parents and this is another example of it.

Source: http://www.ihelpparents.com/

What you as a parent will need to change unwanted child behavior?

1. A commitment: We can’t keep you from giving up on your child. Only you can stay committed to parenting.

2. A plan: Without a plan you will not succeed.

3. Support: Without someone to stand with you, to encourage you and to guide you, you will fail. Changing unwanted, defiant child behavior is just too difficult to go it alone.

If you have these three necessary requirements, we are ready to help you. We can show you what to do and how to do it, but we can’t do it for you. That’s the parent’s job. We have lots of success in helping parents change unwanted child behavior from 7 to 17.

We can help every parent develop a plan. The parenting plan we facilitate is the nation’s best parenting program. It’s call the Parent Project, http://www.parentproject.com/, and they are already in 32 states. This program has been around for 20 years. It’s not on trial. Whether this parenting plan works is totally based on your ability to execute the Parent Project parenting plan.

Learn more here.

Sue Scheff: Rise of Prescription Drug Abuse

2009-02-11T15:51:00.001-08:00

Source: Connect with Kids

“I was a bum, I had slept outside, I mean all the stuff that you hear … and I always pictured a drug addict to be somebody that sleeps under a bridge … and it happened before I even knew it.”

– Andrew Theriot, 21 years old

Andrew Theriot first tried the prescription painkiller OxyContin when he was 17. Within a month, he turned into someone nobody liked. Andrew says, “My friends, nobody trusted me. My family pretty much told me to get out after a long period of time … I would steal things.”

Experts say OxyContin gives an instant feeling of euphoria. Sue Rusche, President of the anti-drug group National Families in Action, says, “I think we have to be honest about drugs. I think we have to tell kids that the reason people use drugs is that drugs make you feel great … at first. And you gotta have that ‘at first’ part.”

Next comes addiction. Andrew spent every minute looking for drugs. He says, “I would wake up every day and I would just be miserable. And the only thing I would look forward to that day would be getting high.”

Addiction brought misery, and so did withdrawal when Andrew was in rehab. He says, “You get sick, you get the cold sweats, throwing up, stomach problems, you can’t eat. I mean I was down to 125 pounds.”

Andrew is now in college. He’s been drug free for two years, and has some advice to parents. “I mean, don’t be enablers. Don’t bail them out of jail. Don’t pay their fines. Don’t give them money. You know, if they want money, get a job. Don’t be the cause of them killing themselves.”

Tips for Parents

OxyContin is a controlled-release pain reliever that can drive away pain for up to 12 hours when used properly. When used improperly, however, OxyContin is a highly addictive opioid closely related to morphine. As individuals abuse the drug, the effects lessen over time, leading to higher dosage use.

Consider the following:

The supply of OxyContin is soaring. Sales of OxyContin, first marketed in 1996, hit $1.2 billion in 2003.
The FDA reports that OxyContin may have played a role in 464 deaths across the country in 2000 to 2001.
In 2000, 43 percent of those who ended up in hospital emergency rooms from drug overdoses – nearly 500,000 people – were there because of misusing or abusing prescription drugs.
In seven cities in 2000 (Atlanta, Chicago, Los Angeles, Miami, New York, Seattle, and Washington, D.C.) 626 people died from overdose of painkillers and tranquilizers. By 2001, such deaths had increased in Miami and Chicago by 20 percent.
From 1998 to 2000, the number of people entering an emergency room because of misusing or abusing oxycodone (OxyContin) rose 108 percent. The rates are intensifying … from mid-2000 to mid-2001, oxycodone went up in emergency room visits 44 percent.
OxyContin is typically abused in one of three ways …

By removing the outer coating and chewing the tablet.
By dissolving the tablet in water and injecting the fluid intravenously.
By crushing the tablet and snorting the powder.
Because the U.S. Food and Drug Administration puts its seal of approval on prescription drugs, many teens mistakenly believe that using these drugs – even if they are not prescribed to them – is safe. However, this practice can, in fact, lead to addiction and severe side effects. How can you determine if your teen is abusing drugs? The American Academy of Child & Adolescent

Psychiatry suggests looking for the following warning signs and symptoms in your teen:

Physical: Fatigue, repeated health complaints, red and glazed eyes and a lasting cough

Emotional: Personality change, sudden mood changes, irritability, irresponsible behavior, low self-esteem, poor judgment, depression and a general lack of interest

Familial: Starting arguments, breaking rules or withdrawing from the family

School-related: Decreased interest, negative attitude, drop in grades, many absences, truancy and discipline problems

Social: having new friends who are less interested in standard home and school activities, problems with the law, and changes to less conventional styles in dress and music
If you believe your teen has a problem with drug abuse, you can take several steps to get the help he or she needs. The American Academy of Family Physicians suggests contacting your health-care provider so that he or she can perform an adequate medical evaluation in order to match the right treatment or intervention program with your teen. You can also contact a support group in your community dedicated to helping families coping with addiction.

Substance abuse can be an overwhelming issue with which to deal, but it doesn’t have to be. The Partnership for a Drug-Free America offers the following strategies to put into practice so that your teen can reap the rewards of a healthy, drug-free life:

Be your teen’s greatest fan. Compliment him or her on all of his or her efforts, strength of character and individuality.

Encourage your teen to get involved in adult-supervised after-school activities. Ask him or her what types of activities he or she is interested in and contact the school principal or guidance counselor to find out what activities are available. Sometimes it takes a bit of experimenting to find out which activities your teen is best suited for, but it’s worth the effort – feeling competent makes children much less likely to use drugs.

Help your teen develop tools he can use to get out of drug-related situations. Let him or her know he or she can use you as an excuse: “My mom would kill me if I smoked marijuana!”

Get to know your teen’s friends and their parents. Set appointments for yourself to call them and check-in to make sure they share your views on alcohol, tobacco and other drugs. Steer your teen away from any friends who use drugs.

Call teens’ parents if their home is to be used for a party. Make sure that the party will be drug-free and supervised by adults.

Set curfews and enforce them. Let your teen know the consequences of breaking curfew.
Set a no-use rule for alcohol, tobacco and other drugs.

Sit down for dinner with your teen at least once a week. Use the time to talk – don’t eat in front of the television.

Get – and stay – involved in your teen’s life.

References
American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
American Academy of Family Physicians
Partnership for a Drug-Free America
National Institute on Drug Abuse
U.S. Food & Drug Administration

Sue Scheff: Do you know what your kids are putting online?

2009-01-31T07:34:00.000-08:00

This is a very interesting article that will make parents think when safety trumps privacy - do you suspect your teen or tween is posting disturbing photos or communicating with questionable others? As a parent is is our responsibility to help keep our kids safe online. Having open lines of communication can help tremendously and helping them to understand the consequences of unflattering posts is critical.

We will spy on your teen’s website for you

More and more worried parents are resorting to using data-tracking services to keep up with what their teenagers are doing on the internet, writes Siobhan Cronin

Source: Independent.ie

Irish parents are the best in Europe at monitoring their kids on the internet. However, their kids are the least likely of all European children to turn to mum or dad for advice when something happens to them online.

These were the results of a recent survey by the European Commission into internet supervision by parents.

While our parents might be good at keeping tabs on their kids, cyber bullying is still on the increase, sometimes with tragic results.

Cork girl Leanne Wolfe’s horrific tales of bullying were revealed in her diary, days after her death by suicide last year.

Her sister later told of the nasty text messages and vicious internet entries which led Leanne to take her own life.

It is real-life stories like Leanne’s which have led thousands of American parents — and now a few hundred Irish ones — to resort to using a service that will keep tabs on what their children are reading, and uploading, on the web.

But it’s not just bullying that worries parents. Unfettered access to the web for our kids has also meant open access to them from anyone who is ‘roaming’ around in cyberspace.

This has led some parents to take the ultimate action — spying on their own children.

The founder of Reputation Defender, Michael Fertik, has been called to justify his online service: “Would you like to know your 16-year-old daughter is putting pictures of herself wearing only a bra on the web? Yes. People are not born with good judgment and it rarely develops by 15,” he says.

But another defence of Fertik’s service is, he claims, the prevalence of web bullying.
“When we were at school, we wrote mean notes to each other but you threw the piece of paper out the next day — now it’s on the internet wall forever,” he says.
Fertik’s solution, MyChild, scours the internet for all references to your child — by name, photography, screen name, or social network profiles.

For about €9.95 per month, the ‘online spy’ will send you a report of what your child has posted on the worldwide web.

Its approach is unashamedly tapping into parents’ paranoia: “Worried about bullies? Concerned that your teens’ friends and peers are posting inappropriate materials online,” the site asks.
Fertik, who says he has a “few hundred” Irish customers already, says his company grew out of a need to protect online privacy.

“Young people do the same things that they always did,” he points out. But now it’s on a wall on a web page. The internet is like a tattoo parlour.”

The firm, which started in his apartment in Kentucky, and now employs 65 staff servicing 35 countries, brought in revenues of $5.5m (€4.3m) this year.

He insists there is no “hacking” involved. His staff go through legitimate channels, but are simply better trained in the ways of teenage internet usage than most parents.

“We always encourage the parent to get the password — we don’t want to be spying on kids,” he adds.

One of the things that often causes concern among parents is the practice of their own lives being discussed on a website. “These things have always been discussed by children, but now it’s up there for everyone to see. Things like: ‘My parents are fighting’ or ‘I think they are going to get a divorce’.”

In pre-web days, we all had very intimate conversations with our peers about our home lives — either in person, or on the phone. Now it’s all on the internet, Fertik notes.

Once the offending material is identified, Reputation Defender can delete it, on the instructions of the parent, whether it involves comments, photographs or videos posted on social-networking sites, or on chat rooms or forums.
The service has become so popular that the company now offers packages to adults to manage search engine results, ‘reputation’ for career purposes, and general ‘privacy’ — so that you can stop sites selling your personal information to others.

But that very privacy is the reason that children’s rights organisations around the world have come out strongly against the practice.

Michael McLoughlin of Youthwork Ireland, which provides support and youth services for over 40,000 young people, says that while there may be some justification of the service for younger teens, this could become somewhat blurred when dealing with children of 16 or 17 years of age.
“At that stage in their lives they should really know what they are doing themselves,” he says. Youthwork Ireland is currently preparing guidelines for youth workers dealing with online bullying. “We try to tool them up on social networking, and try to improve the safety aspects.”
The ISPCC agrees that children need to be made aware of the risks of online networking.

However, National Childline Manager Margie Roe says that while parents need to respect privacy and maintain trust, they also need to police their children if they think they might be in any danger.

“If a parent is concerned about their child, they have a right to protect them,” she says.
“They need to be careful they don’t damage the trust between them and their child, but if they feel their behaviour is in anyway unusual, or their child is disappearing a lot, then it could be justified.”

This would be particularly relevant if parents are concerned their children might be making plans to hook up with people they have only met online, says Margie.

Michael Fertik is adamant that he is not doing anything ethically wrong.

“If a kid is 18 or older, we won’t do it. Parents who are signing up for this feel they don’t know how to keep up with their kids and they don’t understand Facebook or Bebo.”

He says the children themselves have mastered the art of ‘multiple’ personalities, in order to make discovery of their sites more difficult, but Reputation Defender is on their case.

However, even Fertik’s own ’solution’ can be subject to unsavoury interference. The system flags a query when the last name of the parent does not match the child’s, prompting further requests from the applicant, before they are given information on the child’s use of the web.
Fertik’s attitude appears to be that online surveillance is now a necessary evil in our modern world.

“There is no medical privacy for kids, no legal privacy. We are not suggesting they shouldn’t be allowed use the internet, but it’s like driving a car — you want to make sure they know how to drive first.

“We are not spying on someone else’s kid. It’s a new day, the internet brings new threats, and we need new armour.”

- Siobhan Cronin

Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff - Parenting Defiant Teens

2009-01-21T08:25:00.001-08:00

Is your teen pushing your buttons?
Not sure how to handle it?

We're here to help you make the most of your relationship, stay ahead of the game and find common ground with your teenager. Shoulder to Shoulder is dedicated to making your job easier by connecting parents and caregivers and sharing the insights of those who have been there before. From written resources and a Blog for parents of teens to relevant research and parenting tips, we hope you find our resources useful as you navigate the teen years with your child.

Sue Scheff - Teen Bullying

2009-01-12T11:29:00.000-08:00

Source: Love Our Children USA

The Issue of Bullying

Bullying is a problem that affects millions of students of all races and classes. 1 out of 4 kids is bullied and 42% of kids have been bullied while online. Child and teen Bullying and Cyberbullying are at an all-time high. Some kids are so tormented that suicide has become an alternative for them. It has everyone worried. Not just the kids on its receiving end, but the parents, teachers and others who may not understand how extreme bullying can get. Love Our Children USA is working aggressively to prevent these issues and to help the kids and teens affected by it.

What Is Bullying?

Bullying is when someone hurts or scares another person repeatedly and is never appropriate. The innocent one being bullied feels alone, depressed and scared and feels they have nowhere to turn.

Sue Scheff - ADHD and ODD: Parenting Your Defiant Child

2009-01-06T13:08:00.001-08:00

Source: ADDitude Magazine

ADHD behavior issues often partner with oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) -- making discipline a challenge. Try these strategies for parents of ADD kids.

Every parent of a child with attention deficit disorder knows what it's like to deal with ADHD behavior problems -- sometimes a child lashes out or refuses to comply with even the most benign request. But about half of all parents who have children with live with severe behavior problems and discipline challenges on an almost daily basis.

Read Entire Article Here.

Sue Scheff - Where Do Teen Turn for Medical Advice

2009-01-02T12:33:00.001-08:00

Source: Connect with Kids

“I had irritation in my special ‘no-no’ place. And that was a question that I wasn’t going to ask my mom.”

– Sheaele, Age 17

So where do teenagers like Sheaele turn when they want a health question answered? Sometimes friends, sometimes teachers… and according to a new survey, nearly half of teens are now going to the Internet to look for medical information.

“If it was a personal problem that I didn’t feel comfortable talking to anybody about, I would probably just look it up online,” says 18-year-old Joe.

But the information teens find on web sites may not always be accurate. Experts say to help a child avoid bad information, parents should do their own search of teen-friendly medical web sites.

Check them out. Then suggest the ones you like to your teen.

“Internet sites that do that, just give clear health information … I think that would be probably a good idea,” says Dr. Dawn Swaby-Ellis, a pediatrician.

But experts have an even better idea for parents: Find a real-life doctor their teen can trust.

“The best guarantee for growing up a healthy, secure, communicative adolescent is for that adolescent to have a constant relationship with a health practitioner over time,” says Dr. Swaby-Ellis.

Because while a doctor can promise teens the privacy they want, unlike the Internet, a doctor can also alert parents in the case of a serious health issue.

“If there’s anything at all that we hear, during an interview with a child alone that sounds like they’re in trouble,” says Swaby-Ellis, then we’ll certainly let (the parent) know.”

Tips for Parents
Previous studies have found that over 60 million Americans use the Internet for health and medical information. Teens make up a sizeable portion of this number; the Project estimates 45% of all children under the age of 18 have Internet access.

Health-related web sites that targeted teens are appearing on the Internet. Sites such as:

iEmily.com
Zaphealth
THINK (Teenage Health Interactive Network)
Teen Growth
These sites are like interactive magazines written specifically for teens. Headlines from a recent ZapHealth page include: “My Friend's Acne” and “Guilt about Drinking.” Other topics on the site include “getting the dirt on important issues like kissing, piercing and buying condoms.”

In addition to articles, these web sites offer:

Information and advice on general, sexual and emotional health
Information on fitness and sports
Family issues
Chat rooms where teens can talk with others with similar concerns
Bulletin boards where teens can post questions and receive answers from health care professionals
Links to other resources

It’s easy, quick and convenient. An added appeal of these sites is that teens can get information anonymously, without having to talk to anyone. The Pew Project says that 16% of web health seekers do so to get information about a sensitive health topic that is difficult to talk about.

Although a teen can get answers to some questions on these sites, the sites caution teens that they are not a substitute for regular healthcare; teens should see their healthcare providers as needed.

ZapHealth also urges children under 18 to talk with their parents or guardians about any health or emotional issues.

References
The Pew Internet and American Life Project
ZapHealth

Sue Scheff Teen Court

2008-12-10T10:20:00.000-08:00

Source: Connect with Kids

“[I]t feels like at times you have more … power in the school system and more of a chance to make a decision for others and help make decisions.”

– Anthony Mayson, 14 years old

“Can you all please stand and raise your right hand,” the bailiff says as he administers the oath to the eight jurors about to hear a case.

Meanwhile, in another room, the “attorneys” prepare their cases for the prosecution and the defense while the judge prepares to enter the courtroom.

There’s only one unusual thing about everyone involved in this court proceeding: All of the participants are high school students. However, the cases they handle are real.

Eight years ago, about 80 youth court programs existed across the country. Today, that number has increased to more than a thousand.

Fourteen-year-old Anthony Mayson says participating in the teen court gives him – and the other students involved – a real feeling of empowerment.

“It feels good. And it feels like at times you have more … power in the school system and more of a chance to make a decision for others and help make decisions,” Anthony says. “[It gives you a chance to] not only be a younger person but be able to be at the same level as an adult.”

Most teen courts handle minor discipline problems ranging from insubordination to first-offense truancy. Teen courts do have power. The sentences are limited to written apologies or hours of community service, but the indictment, the defense, the prosecution and the verdict are handled entirely by the students.

John De Caro, a teen court coordinator, says the youth court helps demystify the legal process for teens and makes them feel like they’re part of the system.

“[It helps break] down the barrier between the “us” and “them” that usually exists,” De Caro says. “And this way, it’s sort of in their own hands and they feel as though they have an actual stake in the system.”

Experts say that parents should encourage their children to participate in a teen court in their community or in their school. If the community doesn’t have a youth court, families should help start one in order to provide their children with the opportunity to learn about responsibility and the consequences of risky behavior.

“It’s no longer something that they just view on television or hear about on the news; it’s actually [something] that they can get a feel for themselves,” says faculty adviser Charlotte Brown.

Tips for Parents

Teen courts are real elements of the judicial system that are run by and for young people. In a teen court, all or most of the major players in the courtroom are teens: the lawyers, bailiffs, defendants, jurors, prosecutor, defense attorney and even the judge. A teen court either sets the sentence for teens who have pleaded guilty or tries the case of teens who – with parental approval – have agreed to its jurisdiction.

How many teen courts are there in the United States? What began as just a handful of programs in the 1960s has risen to over 1,000 teen courts in operation, according to the U.S. Justice Department.

The Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention (OJJDP) says that teen courts are generally used for younger juveniles (ages 10 to 15), those with no prior arrest records and those charged with less serious violations, including the following:

Shoplifting
Vandalism
Illegal alcohol possession
Criminal or malicious mischief
Disorderly conduct
Traffic violations
The OJJDP says that teen courts impose the following types of sentences:

Paying restitution (monetary or in kind)
Attending educational classes
Writing apology letters
Writing essays
Serving jury duty on subsequent cases

According to the National Crime Prevention Council (NCPC), while these courts may vary in composition, responsibilities and operation from town to town, their goal remains the same: to provide teens with an opportunity to take an active role in addressing the problem of juvenile crime within their communities.

Teen courts take advantage of two of the most powerful forces in the life of an adolescent – the desire for peer approval and the reaction to peer pressure. Teens sometimes respond better to their peers than to adult authority figures. Youth courts can be a potentially effective alternative to traditional juvenile courts staffed with paid professionals, such as lawyers, judges and probation officers.

The U.S. Justice Department says that teen courts offer at least four potential benefits:

Accountability: Teen courts may help to ensure that young offenders are held accountable for their illegal behavior, even when their offenses are relatively minor and would not likely result in sanctions from the traditional juvenile justice system.

Timeliness: An effective teen court can move young offenders from arrest to sanctions within a matter of days instead of months that may pass with traditional juvenile courts.

Cost savings: Teen courts usually depend heavily on youth and adult volunteers, with relatively little cost to the community. The average annual cost for operating a teen court is $32,822, according to the National Youth Court Center.
Community cohesion: A well-structured and expansive teen court program can affect the entire community by increasing public appreciation of the legal system, enhancing community-court relationships, encouraging greater respect for the law among teens and promoting volunteerism among both adults and teens.

References
National Crime Prevention Council
U.S. Department of Justice

Sue Scheff: Drug Free America

2008-12-04T13:57:00.001-08:00

Parenting today has become more challenging than ever. Social Networking is expanding a new area of concern for parents - and today more than ever, parents need to be informed and keep updated about substance abuse, teen drug use, huffing, drinking, inhalant use and other harmful habits. Peer pressure, the need to fit in - combined with kids suffering with low self esteem can lead to negative behavior.

Stay informed - visit http://www.drugfree.org/ to keep yourself educated.

The Partnership for a Drug-Free America is a nonprofit organization that unites parents, renowned scientists and communications professionals to help families raise healthy children. Best known for its research-based national public education programs, the Partnership motivates and equips parents to prevent their children from using drugs and alcohol, and to find help and treatment for family and friends in trouble. The centerpiece of this effort is an online resource center at drugfree.org, featuring interactive tools that translate the latest science and research on teen behavior, addiction and treatment into easy to understand tips and tools. Research conducted by AP and MTV recently showed that kids see their parents as heroes— at drugfree.org, parents can connect with each other, tap into expert advice for children of all ages, and find the support they want and need in their role as hero to their kids. The Partnership depends on donations from individuals, corporations, foundations and other contributors. The Partnership thanks SAG/AFTRA, the advertising industry and our media partners for their ongoing generosity.

Sue Scheff: Parenting Tips with ADHD Kids

2008-12-01T11:15:00.000-08:00

Source: ADDitude Magazine

ADHD Parenting Tips: Be Positive and Calm

What does my style of parenting look like? Let’s say your nine-year-old refuses to comply with a simple request, like “Please pick up your toys.” Don’t repeat your request. Don’t yell or threaten a time-out. Instead, respond with action — firm, calm, quiet, and dramatic.

For instance, you might begin placing the toys into a container. If the child asks what you’re doing, you can say that the toys will remain in your possession until she pays you a small sum or performs certain chores. Your floor will be free of clutter — and your child will be more likely to comply next time.

Read entire article: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1879.html

Sue Scheff: Counseling Cuts Down on Youth Drinking

2008-11-17T09:17:00.001-08:00

Source: Connect with Kids

“If it comes from me, I’m the objective observer. I’m interested in the child, and I try to let them know that. I want what’s best for them, but yet it’s not Mom or Dad saying that.”

– Rhonda Jeffries, M.D., Pediatrician

It’s a troubling fact of life: some kids drink.

“Especially the older they get,” says Dr. Rhonda Jeffries, a pediatrician. “And by senior year, 50 percent or more of kids are drinking. And in fact, by 12th grade, usually 80 percent of the kids have tried alcohol.”

But can a doctor persuade kids not to drink? Kids seem to think so.

“I think coming from somebody besides, maybe, just the parents for some people it will help,” says 18-year-old Andrew Scott, a high school senior.

Lars Thrasher, 17, agrees. “I would think it would be more helpful from a doctor,” he says.

And Christine Terrell, calls doctors advice on drinking and other potentially touchy subjects “extremely beneficial.”

According to a study published in the Annals of Family Medicine, when a physician spends just a few minutes talking to kids about the dangers of alcohol, those kids are 50 percent less likely to drink.

Dr. Jeffries says: “If it comes from me, I’m the objective observer. I’m interested in the child, and I try to let them know that. I want what’s best for them, but yet it’s not Mom or Dad saying that.”

The study reports when kids talked with their doctor, they had 55 percent fewer traffic accidents, 42 percent less emergency room visits and fewer arrests for underage drinking. It seems that when doctors warn kids about alcohol, they listen.

Christine Terrell explains: “They’re not invested in you as their child. They’re invested in you for your health, for your interests, for your sake. And I would definitely listen to a doctor, and I have listened to doctors who have talked to me about subjects like that.”

The study suggests it’s a good idea to ask your doctor to talk with your children about alcohol. Of course, experts add, parents should bring up the subject as well. “They need to be open to discussion and to bringing these issues up with their kids,” says Dr. Jeffries. “And I think that parents who are in touch with their kids and connected to them are really helpful in getting their children though adolescence without negative effects.”

LaShauna Pellman, 17, sums it up best. “If my parents tell me something,” she says, “then I listen to them even more.”

Tips for Parents

Alcohol-related fatalities are a leading cause of death among young adults in the United States. In the United States, 70.8 percent of all deaths among persons aged 10 to 24 result from only four causes – motor-vehicle crashes, other unintentional injuries, homicide and suicide.

Should your family doctor take just a few moments to counsel your child about the risks of alcohol, there is great potential for positive outcome. Just a few minutes of a doctor's counseling helped young adults reduce their high-risk drinking and the number of traffic crashes, emergency room visits, and arrests for substance or liquor violations, says a study in the Annals of Family Medicine. Consider the following:

Underage drinking causes over $53 billion in criminal, social and health problems.
Alcohol is a leading factor in the three leading causes of death for 15- to 24-year-olds:

automobile crashes, homicide and suicide.

Primary-care doctors should make it a priority to counsel young adults about high-risk drinking. Young adults, ages 18 to 30, who received counseling about reducing their use of alcohol:

Experienced a 40 to 50 percent decrease in alcohol use.
Reported 42 percent fewer visits to the emergency room.
Were involved in 55 percent fewer motor vehicle crashes.

The ways a parent can influence his or her teen’s drinking habits is complex. A universal method regarding what works best in preventing underage drinking may not exist. A study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health found that a parent’s attitude toward drinking influences a child's behavior in various ways. One controversial finding was that teens who drank with their parents were less likely than others to have binged or used alcohol at all in recent weeks. Others, of course, argue passionately that parents who drink with their underage children are not only breaking the law but encouraging dangerous behavior that can lead to life-long consequences.

The Journal study also found that strict parenting can curb kids' drinking. Teens who said they feared they would have their privileges taken away if they got caught drinking were half as likely to drink as those who thought their parents would not punish them. In addition, consider the following:

The average girl takes her first sip of alcohol at age 13. The average boy takes his first sip of alcohol at age 11.

Teenagers who said their parents or their friends' parents had provided alcohol for a party during the past year were twice as likely as their peers to have used alcohol or binged during the previous month.

Nearly 75 percent of teens surveyed said they had never used alcohol.

About 25 percent of teens in the study said they'd been at party in the past year where parents supplied alcohol.

Fourteen percent of teens surveyed said they were with their parents the last time they drank.

References
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC)
Focus Adolescent Services
Health Day
National Youth Violence Prevention Center
Reuters
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
University of California, Irvine

Sue Scheff: Teen Depression

2008-11-09T05:45:00.000-08:00

A Relentless Hope - Surviving The Storm of Teen Depression - author, Gary E. Nelson, recently was interviewed on a New Mexico News Station.
Watch today - and learn more about teen depression.
http://www.krqe.com/dpp/news/health/health_krqe_albuquerque_dr_nelson_teen_depression_20081103

Sue Scheff - Mistreated Depression

2008-10-30T10:07:00.000-07:00

Source: Connect with Kids

“Basically, psychiatrists are pretty busy. They don’t want to spend a lot of time with people. They want to get people in and out, maybe two or three an hour. … It pays better to do that than spending an hour doing psychotherapy.”

– David Gore, Ph.D., clinical psychologist

Fifteen-year-old Sarah McMenamin suffers from depression. It started a year ago with the death of her father.

“I was just like, ‘I just want to die,’” she says, describing her feeling before seeing a therapist. “I would never kill myself, but I just wish I was dead, I just wish I was never going to wake up.”

For depressed teens, experts at the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry say what can help is medicine – combined with talk therapy.

“I think the therapist helped me,” explains Sarah, “’cause it was talking, you know, I got it out. I didn’t bottle everything up.”

“The advantage to getting some therapy along with medication is that you get to the root of the problem,” explains Dr. David Gore, clinical psychologist. “You get to see why you’re feeling that way. And if you start understanding why you’re feeling that way, chances are pretty good you’ll stop feeling that way.”

But according to a new study from Thomson-Reuters, more teens than ever are getting medication without psychotherapy. Why? Gore has an answer.

“Basically, psychiatrists are pretty busy,” Dr. Gore says. “They don’t want to spend a lot of time with people. They want to get people in and out, maybe two or three an hour. … It pays better to do that than spending an hour doing psychotherapy.”

Three months ago, Sarah started seeing a new doctor.

“Right away he put me on Zoloft,” she says. “He didn’t even know me for an hour and he put me on it.”

But psychologists say medicine alone just won’t work as well.

“You take your pill, you’ll get some immediate relief,” explains Dr. Gore, “but the problem’s going to crop up again in two months or four months or six months. You’ve got to get to the root of the problem.”

Sarah will resume talk therapy again in a few months. She says she is looking forward to it.

“You get it out on the table and you know your feelings’” she says, “and you go in thinking it’s one thing and you come out finding out it’s like 10 different things and you’re like, ‘Wow.’”

Tips for Parents
All teens experience ups and downs. Every day poses a new test of their emotional stability – fighting with a friend, feeling peer pressure to “fit in” with a particular crowd or experiencing anxiety over a failed quiz – all of which can lead to normal feelings of sadness or grief. These feelings are usually brief and subside with time, unlike depression, which is more than feeling blue, sad or down in the dumps once in a while.

According to the Nemours Foundation, depression is a strong mood involving sadness, discouragement, despair or hopelessness that lasts for weeks, months or even longer. It also interferes with a person’s ability to participate in normal activities. Often, depression in teens is overlooked because parents and teachers feel that unhappiness or “moodiness” is typical in young people. They blame hormones or other factors for teens’ feelings of sadness or grief, which leaves many teens undiagnosed and untreated for their illness.

The Mayo Clinic reports that sometimes a stressful life event triggers depression. Other times, it seems to occur spontaneously, with no identifiable specific cause. However, certain risk factors may be associated with developing the disorder. Johns Hopkins University cites the following risk factors for becoming depressed:

Children under stress who have experienced loss or who suffer attention, learning or conduct disorders are more susceptible to depression.

Girls are more likely than boys to develop depression.

Youth, particularly younger children, who develop depression are likely to have a family history of the disorder.

If you suspect that your teen is clinically depressed, it is important to evaluate his or her symptoms and signs as soon as possible. The National Depressive and Manic-Depressive Association cites the following warning signs indicating that your teen may suffer from depression:

Prolonged sadness or unexplained crying spells
Significant changes in appetite and sleep patterns
Irritability, anger, worry, agitation or anxiety
Pessimism or indifference
Loss of energy or persistent lethargy
Feelings of guilt and worthlessness
Inability to concentrate and indecisiveness
Inability to take pleasure in former interests or social withdrawal
Unexplained aches and pains
Recurring thoughts of death or suicide

It is important to acknowledge that teens may experiment with drugs or alcohol or become sexually promiscuous to avoid feelings of depression. According to the National Mental Health Association, teens may also express their depression through other hostile, aggressive, risk-taking behaviors. These behaviors will only lead to new problems, deeper levels of depression and destroyed relationships with friends and family, as well as difficulties with law enforcement or school officials.

The development of newer antidepressant medications and mood-stabilizing drugs in the last 20 years has revolutionized the treatment of depression. According to the Mayo Clinic, medication can relieve the symptoms of depression, and it has become the first line of treatment for most types of the disorder. Psychotherapy may also help teens cope with ongoing problems that trigger or contribute to their depression. A combination of medications and a brief course of psychotherapy are usually effective if a teen suffers from mild to moderate depression. For severely depressed teens, initial treatment usually includes medications. Once they improve, psychotherapy can be more effective.

Immediate treatment of your teen’s depression is crucial. Adolescents and children suffering from depression may turn to suicide if they do not receive proper treatment. Suicide is the third leading cause of death for Americans aged 10-24. The National Association of School Psychologists suggests looking for the following warning signs that may indicate your depressed teen if contemplating suicide:

Suicide notes: Notes or journal entries are a very real sign of danger and should be taken seriously.

Threats: Threats may be direct statements (“I want to die.” “I am going to kill myself”) or, unfortunately, indirect comments (“The world would be better without me.” “Nobody will miss me anyway”). Among teens, indirect clues could be offered through joking or through comments in school assignments, particularly creative writing or artwork.

Previous attempts: If your child or teen has attempted suicide in the past, a greater likelihood that he or she will try again exists. Be very observant of any friends who have tried suicide before.

Depression (helplessness/hopelessness): When symptoms of depression include strong thoughts of helplessness and hopelessness, your teen is possibly at greater risk for suicide. Watch out for behaviors or comments that indicate your teen is feeling overwhelmed by sadness or pessimistic views of his or her future.

“Masked” depression: Sometimes risk-taking behaviors can include acts of aggression, gunplay and alcohol or substance abuse. While your teen does not act “depressed,” his or her behavior suggests that he or she is not concerned about his or her own safety.

Final arrangements: This behavior may take many forms. In adolescents, it might be giving away prized possessions, such as jewelry, clothing, journals or pictures.

Efforts to hurt himself or herself: Self-injury behaviors are warning signs for young children as well as teens. Common self-destructive behaviors include running into traffic, jumping from heights and scratching, cutting or marking his or her body.

Changes in physical habits and appearance: Changes include inability to sleep or sleeping all the time, sudden weight gain or loss and disinterest in appearance or hygiene.

Sudden changes in personality, friends or behaviors: Changes can include withdrawing from friends and family, skipping school or classes, loss of involvement in activities that were once important and avoiding friends.

Plan/method/access: A suicidal child or adolescent may show an increased interest in guns and other weapons, may seem to have increased access to guns, pills, etc., and/or may talk about or hint at a suicide plan. The greater the planning, the greater the potential for suicide.
Death and suicidal themes: These themes might appear in classroom drawings, work samples, journals or homework.

If you suspect suicide, it is important to contact a medical professional immediately. A counselor or psychologist can also help offer additional support.

References
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry
American Foundation for Suicidal Prevention
Johns Hopkins University
Mayo Clinic
National Association of School Psychologists
National Depressive and Manic-Depressive Association
National Institute of Mental Health
National Mental Health Association
Nemours Foundation
Thomson-Reuters

Sue Scheff: Better ADHD School Behavior

2008-10-13T12:04:00.001-07:00

How teachers and parents can inspire better ADHD school behavior with help from these impulse-controlling exercises for children with attention-deficit.

by ADDitude Editors

The problem: The student with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) interrupts the teacher and classmates by calling out answers or commenting while others are speaking.

The reason: Children with ADHD have difficulty controlling their impulses. Scientists believe that a problem with dopamine, a brain chemical, causes them to respond immediately and reflexively to their environment — whether the stimulus is a question, an idea, or a treat. That’s why they often seem to act or talk before thinking, and ADHD school behavior suffers as a result.

The obstacles: Children with ADHD may not be aware that they are interrupting. Even if they are, they have difficulty understanding that their behavior is disturbing or disruptive to others.Simply telling them their behavior is wrong doesn’t help. Even though they know this, their impulsivity overrides their self-control. Many ADHD children can’t understand nonverbal reprimands, like frowning, either.

Read entire article here: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1977.html

Sue Scheff: Teen Truancy

2008-10-05T14:34:00.001-07:00

Truancy is a term used to describe any intentional unauthorized absence from compulsory schooling. Children in America today lose over five million days of their education each year through truancy. Often times they do this without the knowledge of their parents or school officials. In common usage the term typically refers to absences caused by students of their own free will, and usually does not refer to legitimate "excused" absences, such as ones related to a medical condition. It may also refer to students who attend school but do not go to classes. Because of this confusion many schools have their own definitions, and as such the exact meaning of the term itself will differ from school to school and district to district. In order to avoid or diminish confusion, many schools explicitly define the term and their particular usage thereof in the school's handbook of policies and procedures. In many instances truancy is the term referring to an absence associated with the most brazen student irresponsibility and results in the greatest consequences.

Many educators view truancy as something much more far reaching than the immediate consequence that missed schooling has on a student's education. Truancy may indicate more deeply embedded problems with the student, the education they are receiving, or both. Because of its traditional association with juvenile delinquency, truancy in some schools may result in an ineligibility to graduate or to receive credit for class attended, until the time lost to truancy is made up through a combination of detention, fines, or summer school. This can be especially troubling for a child, as failing school can lead to social impairment if the child is held back, economic impact if the child drops out or cannot continue his or her education, and emotional impact as the cycle of failure diminishes the adolescent's self-esteem.

Sue Scheff: Addictions and Inhalants

2008-09-25T07:01:00.000-07:00

From the Sunshine Coast’s Health Center Blog:

Daniel Jordan raises some interesting questions in his summary of an addictions presentation byDr. Carlton Erickson, Ph.D., Professor of Pharmacology, and director of the Addiction Science & Research Center in the College of Pharmacy at the University of Texas at Austin.

What are your perspectives or thoughts on his following two points?

1. Inhalants and Addiction:“Dr. Erickson calls the likelihood that a person will become dependent on a drug its “dependence liability.” Some drugs have a dependence liability while others do not.

The criteria for dependence liability is how it acts on the mesolimbic dopamine system. Caffeine, antidepressants, and newer anti-seizure medications do not have dependence liability. However, some drugs do and the following chart shows that a certain percentage of people (depending on the drug) will become dependent *:

Drug / Percentage of People Who Become DependentNicotine - 32%, Heroin - 23%, Cocaine - 17%, Alcohol - 15%, Stimulants - 11%, Cannabis - 9%, Sedatives - 9%, Psychedelics - 5%, Inhalants - 4%.

Source: Anthony, J.C., Warner, L.A., & Kessler, R.C., (1994). Comparative epidemiology of dependence on tobacco, alcohol, controlled substances, and inhalants: Basic findings from the national comorbidity survey. Experimental & Clinical Psychopharmacology, 2, 244-268.”

2. Use the term “Abuse” in Inhalant Abuse:“I was particularly fascinated by Dr. Erickson’s claim that many of the words, or terminology, that the general public and the treatment field use to describe drinking and drugging are leading to continued prejudice and discrimination in North American culture. This stigmatizing, Dr. Erickson argues, is a big part of why governments are not providing adequate funding for addiction research, prevention, and education

“Abuse” is a Perjorative Term and Should be Retired. In his book, The Science of Addiction, Dr. Erickson calls the term “abuse” the number 1 myth that prevails in the treatment field or in the minds of the public. The word abuse * is an inappropriate term for several reasons, such as:

the term being used, for centuries, as a morally sinful act such as child abuse, sexual abuse, spousal abuse
the implication that alcohol, an object, is being abused by someone just like a child is being abused by someone (a preferred term in Europe is misuse)

the use of the term substance abuse does not distinguish between voluntary use (”misuse”) and uncontrolled use (”dependence”) similar to the generalized use of the term “addiction”

“By continuing to refer to people as drug, alcohol, or substance abusers, according to Bill White *, “misstates the nature of their condition and calls for their social rejection, sequestration, and punishment.”

Visit http://www.inhalant.org/ for more information.

Parents Universal Resource Experts: Preventing Addiction by Dr. John C. Fleming

2008-09-20T07:44:00.001-07:00

How can concerned parents predict if their kids will become addicted to drugs or alcohol? With the effect of media and the current wide availability of addicting drugs, parents face more challenges raising children than ever before. Opinions vary on the question of who will become addicted. Some think that people become addicted because of their heredity, while others think addiction is not a disease at all, just a weakness of will.

Visit http://www.johncfleming.com/ for more information.

Sue Scheff Featured on Talk Radio

2008-09-18T13:58:00.000-07:00

Sue Scheff talks about Wit's End! and the struggles parents are facing today with their teens. Learn more and list live! http://www.kandeeg.com/

Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff- American School Counselors Association

2008-09-14T05:08:00.001-07:00

The American School Counselor Association (ASCA) supports school counselors' efforts to help students focus on academic, personal/social and career development so they achieve success in school and are prepared to lead fulfilling lives as responsible members of society. ASCA provides professional development, publications and other resources, research and advocacy to more than 24,000 professional school counselors around the globe. Join today!

New Inhalant Abuse Report from SAMHSA - (The Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration)

2008-09-06T05:59:00.000-07:00

I have been very vocal in bringing awareness to Inhalant Use among teens and tweens since a wonderful parent shared her story of losing her son to this. Parents need to understand this is a growing and major concern - like drug use, kids are turning to huffing as a form of getting high. Unlike many street drugs, inhalants can be found in many homes today. Learn more at http://www.inhalant.org/.

The Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) just released a new National Survey on Drug Use & Health (NSDUH) Report.

The report is entitled,” Inhalant Abuse and Major Depressive Episode Among Youth Aged 12 to 17: 2004-2006. “The 2006 NSDUH Report surveys youth 12-17 years old to assess “co-occurrence of inhalant use and Major Depressive Episode (MDE) in the past year.”
Some of the findings include:

Inhalant Use:

Past year inhalant use was almost 4 times higher among persons aged 12 to 17 than among young adults aged 18 to 25 (1.3 vs. 0.4 percent).

In 2004 to 2006, 1.1 million youths aged 12 to 17 (4.5 percent) used inhalants in the past year
Females in this age range were more likely than males to use inhalants in the past year (4.8 vs. 4.2 percent)

Youth aged 14 or 15 (5.3 percent) were more likely than youths aged 12 or 13 (4.3 percent) & those aged 16 or 17 (3.9 percent) to have used inhalants in the past year.
Inhalant Abuse & Major Depressive Episode (MDE)

The rate of past year inhalant use was higher among youths aged 12 to 17 who had MDE in the past year than among those who did not (10.2 vs. 4.0 percent)

Males with past year MDE were about twice as likely as those without past year MDE to have used inhalants (9.6 vs. 4.0 percent)

Females with past year MDE were about 3 times as likely as those without past year MDE to have used inhalants (10.5 vs. 3.9 percent)

In each age group, youths with past year MDE were more likely than youths without past year MDE to have used an inhalant in the past year.

Which comes first: MDE or Inhalant Abuse:

An estimated 218,000 (.9 percent) youths aged 12 to 17 used inhalants and experienced MDE in the past year.

43.1 percent experienced their first episode of MDE before initiating inhalant use.
28.3 percent used inhalants before they experienced their first episode of MDE
28.5 percent started using inhalants and experienced their first episode of MDE at about the same time.

Sue Scheff: Teen Peer Pressure

2008-08-29T10:52:00.001-07:00

Peer Pressure leads to “Good Teens Making Bad Choices” which is very common today.

Teen Peer Pressure can be extremely damaging to a pre-teen or teen that is desperately trying to fit in somewhere – anywhere in their school. They are not sure what group they belong in, and those that are suffering with low self esteem can end up fitting more comfortably with the less than desirable peers. This can be the beginning of a downward spiral. When a child doesn’t have confidence of who they are or where they belong, it can lead to the place that is easiest to fit in – usually the not the best crowd.

Keeping your child involved in activities such as sports, music and school clubs can help give them a place where they belong. We always encourage parents to find the one thing that truly interests their child, whether it is a musical instrument, swimming, golf, diving, dance, chess club, drama, etc. It is important to find out what their interests are and help them build on it. Encourage them 100%. They don’t need to be the next Tiger Woods, but they need to enjoy what they are doing and keep busy doing it. Staying busy in a constructive way is always beneficial.

It is very common with many parents that contact us that their child has fallen into the wrong crowd and has become a follower rather than a leader. They are making bad choices, choices they know better however the fear of not fitting in with their friends sways them to make the wrong decisions. Low self esteem can attribute to this behavior, and if it has escalated to a point of dangerous situations such as legal issues, substance use, gang related activity, etc. it may be time to seek outside help. Remember, don’t be ashamed of this, it is very common today and you are not alone. So many parents believe others will think it is a reflection of their parenting skills, however with today’s society; the teen peer pressure is stronger than it ever has been. The Internet explosion combined with many teens Entitlement Issues has made today’s generation a difficult one to understand.

It is so important to find the right fit for your child if you are seeking residential treatment. We always encourage *local adolescent counseling prior to any Residential Treatment Programs or Boarding schools, however this is not always necessary. Many parents have an instinct when their child is heading the wrong direction. It is an intuition only a parent can detect. If something doesn’t seem right, it usually isn’t. If your gut is talking to you, you may want to listen or investigate what your child is doing. Parents need to understand that teen peer pressure can influence adolescents in negative ways. Do you know who your child’s friends are?

Visit http://www.helpyourteens.com/ for more information.

DEFIANT TEENS? Need Help Surfing the Internet for Your Teen? By Sue Scheff

2008-08-27T06:11:00.000-07:00

Tips for Parents on Surfing the Internet for Teen Help Schools and Programs - Do you Need an Educational Consultant?

Internet Search – Many parents will use Search Engines to type in key words and search terms to describe their child. Unfortunately, in many cases, the parent will see the same group of programs/schools with different titles and descriptions, however leading back to the same organization. Parents that are not familiar with this industry can easily be misinformed. An example is a key word such as Military Schools. Are you aware that reputable Military Schools are not for at risk children? Please review http://www.helpyourteens.com/military_schools_and_academies.html.

The term Spamdexing has been used when organizations will purchase many websites and URL’s all leading back to the same group. The vast number of key words and search terms, no matter what the issues, may all be filtered back to the same group. This can be very deceiving and detrimental when searching for the best placement for your child.This can be a farce and totally an attack on desperate parents seeking help. Some of the websites are owned by “parents” that actually gain free tuition by you enrolling from their website.

Even though “full disclosure” is required, it is sometimes missing. In reading a site recently parent’s claimed a program had saved their twins lives. However the story read that the children are still in the program. If the children are still in the program, how do you know if it saved a life yet? They don’t, but they do gain a free tuition from if you enroll from their website ID number. With twins in a program, this must be costly.

Sponsored listings are sold to the highest bidders. It seems only businesses with large marketing budgets can afford to be seen in top spots. This causes many very good and qualified programs and schools never to be seen. Many, including Computer Consultants, frown upon this tactic and Internet Professionals that feel it is causing unfair solicitation. Unfortunately this is part of marketing and public relations, which can leave out the small people.

Are you looking at websites that offer a Clearing House of Schools and Programs? Or offer to sell you a book? Do you think you are getting a qualified school and/or program since it is listed in the book? Did you know most times it is paid advertising?

So whom do you trust? It is very scary in this industry of children needing intervention. That is one of our main goals; to recognize who is qualified and who is not. We are not a clearing-house for programs; we do not have a large number of schools and programs that we have researched yet. We try to give parents a peace of mind with the programs we have researched and personally visited. No matter how much trouble your child may be causing, they are human and deserve to be in a safe and qualified environment. These programs that urge you to act now are not taking the time to fully evaluate what is needed for your child. They seem to assume that every child will fit their program. Please parents, step back from this and think, research and investigate.

Does the Advertising look too good to be true?

Most literature and brochures are made up to be glossy and fancy to advertise as an answer to your troubled child. Some even send tearful DVD’s of parents that claim to have been rescued from their child. When a program needs to use these extreme measures to market and advertise, it is time to investigate and analyze where all the money is being spent. Remember to read the small print and recognize that many of the pictures were not taken at the facilities. Marketing people can also be good sales people. Reaching out to your emotions at a delicate time of your life with your child. For more Helpful Hints in researching please read http://www.helpyourteens.com/helpful_hints.html.

Do you need to hire an Educational Consultant? What about an Independent Educational Consultant? Why are they so much money?

This seems to be a very political group of questions. First, not many can explain their outrageous costs to an already expensive trip. In our research, Educational Consultants do not require a degree and do not need any qualifications. There are not any state or government regulations that they need to comply with. With this, most EC’s are a product of someone that has worked in the field of schools or programs, and there are some that are qualified. The game is figuring out the difference if you need one. We don’t appreciate these games when it involves our children.The Independent Educational Consultants Association (IECA) is a group formed to elaborate their proclaimed profession. They do have certain standards to meet within their own group, however they are not regulated or governed by any State or Governmental Offices. Some are very knowledgeable and quite impressive, however some are extremely self-centered. Most will refer to the same programs time after time. This may not be the best case for your child and family. We have found that there are many politics that mandate their decisions into the same programs and schools time after time. With families that we have spoken with that used an EC, tell us their EC has recommended the same school or program as the previous family (most always starting with Wilderness). There seems to be a pattern here; We feel parents should realize just because they are paying a high priced EC, doesn’t mean they are getting the interest for their child in our opinion.

We are not saying that one should not hire an Educational Consultant if they deem it necessary; we are telling parents to do research, investigate and consider your child. In most cases, your therapist can be more beneficial to make a final decision in placement of a child. It can be helpful if the child’s local therapist can participate in helping parents make the most appropriate choice.

For the record, I am not anti-Educational Consultants, I have only witnessed time and time again that parents that used them seem to be lead down the same path, always starting with Wilderness Programs and then moving to a residential therapy program. It is my belief that these teens need consistency - starting and finishing at the same place.

There are non-political Educational Consultants - it is a matter of taking the time to find them, as you have to take time and diligence to locate the best school or program for your individual teen and family.

http://www.helpyourteens.com/
http://www.aparentstruestory.com/

Teens Say School Pressure Is Main Reason For Drug Use

2008-08-18T06:13:00.000-07:00

Source: digtriad.com, Triad, NC

New York — A new study reveals a troubling new insight into the reasons why teens use drugs.The study conducted by the Partnership for a Drug-free America shows that of 6,511 teens, 73% report that school stress and pressure is the main reason for drug use.

Ironically, only 7% of parents believe that teens use drugs to cope with stress.

Second on the list was to “feel cool” (73%), which was previously ranked in the first position. Another popular reason teens said they use drugs was to “feel better about themselves”(65%).Over the past decade, studies have indicated a steady changing trend in what teens perceive as the motivations for using drugs. The “to have fun” rationales are declining, while motivations to use drugs to solve problems are increasing.

On the positive side, the study confirms that overall abuse remains in a steady decline among teens. Marijuana, ecstasy, inhalants, methamphetamine alcohol and cigarette usage continue to decrease.

Additional findings show:

- 1 in 5 teens has abused a prescription medication- Nearly 1 in 5 teens has already abused a prescription painkiller- 41% of teens think it’s safer to abuse a precription drug than it is to use illegal drugs.

Teens continue to take their lives into their own hands when they intentionally abuse prescribed medications, said Pasierb. “Whether it’s to get high or deal with stress, or if they mistakenly believe it will help them perform better in school or sports, teens don’t realize that when used without a prescription, these medicines can be every bit as harmful as illegal street drugs.”

Talking the Talk

2008-08-10T06:07:00.000-07:00

Discussing sex with your tweens and teens can help them make better choices. Here's how.

Temma Ehrenfeld
Newsweek Web Exclusive
Updated: 10:28 AM ET Jul 31, 2008

What kids think about sex might surprise you, but what they're doing sexually—and when they're doing it—might surprise you even more. In a study this year of more than a 1,000 tweens (kids between the ages 11 and 14), commissioned by Liz Claiborne Inc. and loveisrespect.org, nearly half said they'd had a boy- or girlfriend, and one in four said that oral sex or going "all the way" is part of a tween romance.

The parents' view? Only 7 percent of parents surveyed in this study think their own child has gone any further than "making out."

The whole subject of sex is so delicate that some parents put off talking to kids about it, believing their child is still too young, or because they're not sure what to say.

They "finally sit down to have the Big Talk," says Dr. Mark Schuster, chief of general pediatrics at Children's Hospital Boston, "and it turns out their teen is already having sex." (The average age of first intercourse in the United States is 16, according to the Centers for Disease Control)The good news is that there's plenty of evidence indicating that kids whose parents do discuss sex with them are more cautious than their peers—more likely to put off sex or use contraception. They also have fewer partners. Coaching for parents helps, as well.

Parents who participated in a training program about how to have those difficult conversations, Schuster reports, were six times more likely than a control group to have discussed condoms with their children. So what did the parents learn? Here are nine "talking sex" tips:

1. Find the moment. Instead of saying "it's time to talk about you-know," let the topic arise naturally—say, during a love scene in a video, or while passing a couple on a park bench. It helps to think about opening lines in advance.

2. Don't be vague about your own feelings. You know you don't want your ninth grader getting pregnant, but is oral sex OK? How do you feel about your daughter going steady or dating several boys casually? Consider the messages you want your kids to hear.

3. Anticipate the roadblocks that a teen or tween might set up. If they tend to say "uh huh," try asking open-ended questions or suggesting a variety of possible ways someone might feel in a relevant situation.

4. Be a good listener. Avoid lecturing and don't interrupt once your child opens up. Restate in your own words what you hear and identify feelings.

5. Help your child consider the pros and cons of sexual choices.

6. Relate sex and physical intimacy to love, caring and respect for themselves and their partner.

7. Teach strategies to manage sexual pressure. It may not be obvious to your daughter that she can suggest going to the movies or a restaurant instead of lounging with her boyfriend on a sofa without adult supervision. Or she may not know she can set and stick to a clear rule (such as no touching below the waist). Discuss the fact that "no means no." A simple strategy like getting up and going to the bathroom can give a girl time to regroup.

8. Don't be afraid to get down to specifics. If your teenage daughter or son is spending every afternoon alone with a main squeeze, and you're simply hoping they're using condoms, go ahead and ask whether they are sexually active and using birth control. You can buy a box of condoms and talk about how to use them—practice on a cucumber. A good laugh won't hurt your relationship.

9. Make the conversation ongoing—not a talk that happens once or twice. For more tips on talking to kids about sex and other sensitive issues, visit Children Now, a nonprofit nonpartisan organization's guide to talking to kids of all ages about sexual subjects. Or The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry's "Facts for Families."

9 Ways to Achieve Success at School

2008-08-06T08:41:00.000-07:00

By ADDitude Magazine

Yours Free: A Back-to-School Report for Parents of Students with ADHD & Learning Disabilities

Packed with school help for children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADD ADHD) and learning disabilities

Visit http://www.additudemag.com/RCLP/sub/2728.html for more information on how to recieve free report.

Teen Substance Abuse

2008-08-03T06:28:00.001-07:00

Drugs: What You Should Know

http://kidshealth.org/teen/drug_alcohol/drugs/know_about_drugs.html

These days, drugs can be found everywhere, and it may seem like everyone's doing them. Many teens are tempted by the excitement or escape that drugs seem to offer.

But learning the facts about drugs can help you see the risks of chasing this excitement or escape. Here's what you need to know.

The Deal on Substances

Thanks to medical and drug research, there are thousands of drugs that help people. Antibiotics and vaccines have revolutionized the treatment of infections. Medicines can lower blood pressure, treat diabetes, and reduce the body's rejection of new organs. Medicines can cure, slow, or prevent disease, helping us to lead healthier and happier lives. But there are also lots of illegal, harmful drugs that people take to help them feel good or have a good time.

How do drugs work? Drugs are chemicals or substances that change the way our bodies work. When you put them into your body (often by swallowing, inhaling, or injecting them), drugs find their way into your bloodstream and are transported to parts of your body, such as your brain. In the brain, drugs may either intensify or dull your senses, alter your sense of alertness, and sometimes decrease physical pain.

A drug may be helpful or harmful. The effects of drugs can vary depending upon the kind of drug taken, how much is taken, how often it is used, how quickly it gets to the brain, and what other drugs, food, or substances are taken at the same time. Effects can also vary based on the differences in body size, shape, and chemistry.

Although substances can feel good at first, they can ultimately do a lot of harm to the body and brain. Drinking alcohol, smoking tobacco, taking illegal drugs, and sniffing glue can all cause serious damage to the human body. Some drugs severely impair a person's ability to make healthy choices and decisions. Teens who drink, for example, are more likely to get involved in dangerous situations, such as driving under the influence or having unprotected sex.

And just as there are many kinds of drugs available, there are as many reasons for trying them or starting to use them regularly. People take drugs just for the pleasure they believe they can bring. Often it's because someone tried to convince them that drugs would make them feel good or that they'd have a better time if they took them.

Some teens believe drugs will help them think better, be more popular, stay more active, or become better athletes. Others are simply curious and figure one try won't hurt. Others want to fit in. A few use drugs to gain attention from their parents.

Many teens use drugs because they're depressed or think drugs will help them escape their problems. The truth is, drugs don't solve problems — they simply hide feelings and problems. When a drug wears off, the feelings and problems remain, or become worse. Drugs can ruin every aspect of a person's life.

Here are the facts on some of the more common drugs:

Alcohol
Amphetamines
Cocaine and Crack
Cough and Cold Medicines (DXM)
Depressants
Ecstasy
GHB
Heroin
Inhalants
Ketamine
LSD
Marijuana
Methamphetamine
Nicotine
Rohypnol
Alcohol
The oldest and most widely used drug in the world, alcohol is a depressant that alters perceptions, emotions, and senses.

How It's Used: Alcohol is a liquid that is drunk.

Effects & Dangers:

Alcohol first acts as a stimulant, and then it makes people feel relaxed and a bit sleepy.
High doses of alcohol seriously affect judgment and coordination. Drinkers may have slurred speech, confusion, depression, short-term memory loss, and slow reaction times.
Large volumes of alcohol drunk in a short period of time may cause alcohol poisoning.
Addictiveness: Teens who use alcohol can become psychologically dependent upon it to feel good, deal with life, or handle stress. In addition, their bodies may demand more and more to achieve the same kind of high experienced in the beginning. Some teens are also at risk of becoming physically addicted to alcohol. Withdrawal from alcohol can be painful and even life threatening. Symptoms range from shaking, sweating, nausea, anxiety, and depression to hallucinations, fever, and convulsions.
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Amphetamines
Amphetamines are stimulants that accelerate functions in the brain and body. They come in pills or tablets. Prescription diet pills also fall into this category of drugs.

Street Names: speed, uppers, dexies, bennies

How They're Used: Amphetamines are swallowed, inhaled, or injected.

Effects & Dangers:

Swallowed or snorted, these drugs hit users with a fast high, making them feel powerful, alert, and energized.
Uppers pump up heart rate, breathing, and blood pressure, and they can also cause sweating, shaking, headaches, sleeplessness, and blurred vision.
Prolonged use may cause hallucinations and intense paranoia.

Addictiveness: Amphetamines are psychologically addictive. Users who stop report that they experience various mood problems such as aggression, anxiety, and intense cravings for the drugs.
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Cocaine and Crack
Cocaine is a white crystalline powder made from the dried leaves of the coca plant. Crack, named for its crackle when heated, is made from cocaine. It looks like white or tan pellets.

Street Names for Cocaine: coke, snow, blow, nose candy, white, big C

Street Names for Crack: freebase, rock

How They're Used: Cocaine is inhaled through the nose or injected. Crack is smoked.

Effects & Dangers:

Cocaine is a stimulant that rocks the central nervous system, giving users a quick, intense feeling of power and energy. Snorting highs last between 15 and 30 minutes; smoking highs last between 5 and 10 minutes.
Cocaine also elevates heart rate, breathing rate, blood pressure, and body temperature.
Injecting cocaine can give you hepatitis or AIDS if you share needles with other users. Snorting can also put a hole inside the lining of your nose.
First-time users — even teens — of both cocaine and crack can stop breathing or have fatal heart attacks. Using either of these drugs even one time can kill you.
Addictiveness: These drugs are highly addictive, and as a result, the drug, not the user, calls the shots. Even after one use, cocaine and crack can create both physical and psychological cravings that make it very, very difficult for users to stop.
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Cough and Cold Medicines (DXM)
Several over-the-counter cough and cold medicines contain the ingredient dextromethorphan (also called DXM). If taken in large quantities, these over-the-counter medicines can cause hallucinations, loss of motor control, and "out-of-body" (or disassociative) sensations.

Street Names: triple C, candy, C-C-C, dex, DM, drex, red devils, robo, rojo, skittles, tussin, velvet, vitamin D

How They're Used: Cough and cold medicines, which come in tablets, capsules, gel caps, and lozenges as well as syrups, are swallowed. DXM is often extracted from cough and cold medicines, put into powder form, and snorted.

Effects & Dangers:

Small doses help suppress coughing, but larger doses can cause fever, confusion, impaired judgment, blurred vision, dizziness, paranoia, excessive sweating, slurred speech, nausea, vomiting, abdominal pain, irregular heartbeat, high blood pressure, headache, lethargy, numbness of fingers and toes, redness of face, dry and itchy skin, loss of consciousness, seizures, brain damage, and even death.
Sometimes users mistakenly take cough syrups that contain other medications in addition to dextromethorphan. High doses of these other medications can cause serious injury or death.
Addictiveness: People who use cough and cold medicines and DXM regularly to get high can become psychologically dependent upon them (meaning they like the feeling so much they can't stop, even though they aren't physically addicted).
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Depressants
Depressants, such as tranquilizers and barbiturates, calm nerves and relax muscles. Many are legally available by prescription (such as Valium and Xanax) and are bright-colored capsules or tablets.

Street Names: downers, goof balls, barbs, ludes

How They're Used: Depressants are swallowed.

Effects & Dangers:

When used as prescribed by a doctor and taken at the correct dosage, depressants can help people feel calm and reduce angry feelings.
Larger doses can cause confusion, slurred speech, lack of coordination, and tremors.
Very large doses can cause a person to stop breathing and result in death.
Depressants and alcohol should never be mixed — this combination greatly increases the risk of overdose and death.
Addictiveness: Depressants can cause both psychological and physical dependence.
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Ecstasy (MDMA)
This is a designer drug created by underground chemists. It comes in powder, tablet, or capsule form. Ecstasy is a popular club drug among teens because it is widely available at raves, dance clubs, and concerts.

Street Names: XTC, X, Adam, E, Roll

How It's Used: Ecstasy is swallowed or sometimes snorted.

Effects & Dangers:

This drug combines a hallucinogenic with a stimulant effect, making all emotions, both negative and positive, much more intense.
Users feel a tingly skin sensation and an increased heart rate.
Ecstasy can also cause dry mouth, cramps, blurred vision, chills, sweating, and nausea.
Sometimes users clench their jaws while using. They may chew on something (like a pacifier) to relieve this symptom.
Many users also experience depression, paranoia, anxiety, and confusion. There is some concern that these effects on the brain and emotion can become permanent with chronic use of ecstasy.
Ecstasy also raises the temperature of the body. This increase can sometimes cause organ damage or even death.
Addictiveness: Although the physical addictiveness of Ecstasy is unknown, teens who use it can become psychologically dependent upon it to feel good, deal with life, or handle stress.
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GHB
GHB, which stands for gamma hydroxybutyrate, is often made in home basement labs, usually in the form of a liquid with no odor or color. It has gained popularity at dance clubs and raves and is a popular alternative to Ecstasy for some teens and young adults. The number of people brought to emergency departments because of GHB side effects is quickly rising in the United States. And according to the U.S. Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA), since 1995 GHB has killed more users than Ecstasy.

Street Names: Liquid Ecstasy, G, Georgia Home Boy

How It's Used: When in liquid or powder form (mixed in water), GHB is drunk; in tablet form it is swallowed.

Effects & Dangers:

GHB is a depressant drug that can cause both euphoric (high) and hallucinogenic effects.
The drug has several dangerous side effects, including severe nausea, breathing problems, decreased heart rate, and seizures.
GHB has been used for date rape because it is colorless and odorless and easy to slip into drinks.
At high doses, users can lose consciousness within minutes. It's also easy to overdose: There is only a small difference between the dose used to get high and the amount that can cause an overdose.
Overdosing GHB requires emergency care in a hospital right away. Within an hour GHB overdose can cause coma and stop someone's breathing, resulting in death.
GHB (even at lower doses) mixed with alcohol is very dangerous — using it even once can kill you.
Addictiveness: When users come off GHB they may have withdrawal symptoms such as insomnia and anxiety. Teens may also become dependent upon it to feel good, deal with life, or handle stress.
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Heroin
Heroin comes from the dried milk of the opium poppy, which is also used to create the class of painkillers called narcotics — medicines like codeine and morphine. Heroin can range from a white to dark brown powder to a sticky, tar-like substance.

Street Names: horse, smack, Big H, junk

How It's Used: Heroin is injected, smoked, or inhaled (if it is pure).

Effects & Dangers:

Heroin gives you a burst of euphoric (high) feelings, especially if it's injected. This high is often followed by drowsiness, nausea, stomach cramps, and vomiting.
Users feel the need to take more heroin as soon as possible just to feel good again.
With long-term use, heroin ravages the body. It is associated with chronic constipation, dry skin, scarred veins, and breathing problems.
Users who inject heroin often have collapsed veins and put themselves at risk of getting deadly infections such as HIV, hepatitis B or C, and bacterial endocarditis (inflammation of the lining of the heart) if they share needles with other users.
Addictiveness: Heroin is extremely addictive and easy to overdose on (which can cause death). Withdrawal is intense and symptoms include insomnia, vomiting, and muscle pain.
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Inhalants
Inhalants are substances that are sniffed or "huffed" to give the user an immediate rush or high. They include household products like glues, paint thinners, dry cleaning fluids, gasoline, felt-tip marker fluid, correction fluid, hair spray, aerosol deodorants, and spray paint.

How It's Used: Inhalants are breathed in directly from the original container (sniffing or snorting), from a plastic bag (bagging), or by holding an inhalant-soaked rag in the mouth (huffing).

Effects & Dangers:

Inhalants make you feel giddy and confused, as if you were drunk. Long-time users get headaches, nosebleeds, and may suffer loss of hearing and sense of smell.
Inhalants are the most likely of abused substances to cause severe toxic reaction and death. Using inhalants, even one time, can kill you.
Addictiveness: Inhalants can be very addictive. Teens who use inhalants can become psychologically dependent upon them to feel good, deal with life, or handle stress.
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Ketamine
Ketamine hydrochloride is a quick-acting anesthetic that is legally used in both humans (as a sedative for minor surgery) and animals (as a tranquilizer). At high doses, it causes intoxication and hallucinations similar to LSD.

Street Names: K, Special K, vitamin K, bump, cat Valium

How It's Used: Ketamine usually comes in powder that users snort. Users often do it along with other drugs such as Ecstasy (called kitty flipping) or cocaine or sprinkle it on marijuana blunts.

Effects & Dangers:

Users may become delirious, hallucinate, and lose their sense of time and reality. The trip — also called K-hole — that results from ketamine use lasts up to 2 hours.
Users may become nauseated or vomit, become delirious, and have problems with thinking or memory.
At higher doses, ketamine causes movement problems, body numbness, and slowed breathing.
Overdosing on ketamine can stop you from breathing — and kill you.
Addictiveness: Teens who use it can become psychologically dependent upon it to feel good, deal with life, or handle stress.
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LSD
LSD (which stands for lysergic acid diethylamide) is a lab-brewed hallucinogen and mood-changing chemical. LSD is odorless, colorless, and tasteless.

Street Names: acid, blotter, doses, microdots

How It's Used: LSD is licked or sucked off small squares of blotting paper. Capsules and liquid forms are swallowed. Paper squares containing acid may be decorated with cute cartoon characters or colorful designs.

Effects & Dangers:

Hallucinations occur within 30 to 90 minutes of dropping acid. People say their senses are intensified and distorted — they see colors or hear sounds with other delusions such as melting walls and a loss of any sense of time. But effects are unpredictable, depending on how much LSD is taken and the user.
Once you go on an acid trip, you can't get off until the drug is finished with you — at times up to about 12 hours or even longer!
Bad trips may cause panic attacks, confusion, depression, and frightening delusions.
Physical risks include sleeplessness, mangled speech, convulsions, increased heart rate, and coma.
Users often have flashbacks in which they feel some of the effects of LSD at a later time without having used the drug again.
Addictiveness: Teens who use it can become psychologically dependent upon it to feel good, deal with life, or handle stress.
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Marijuana
The most widely used illegal drug in the United States, marijuana resembles green, brown, or gray dried parsley with stems or seeds. A stronger form of marijuana called hashish (hash) looks like brown or black cakes or balls. Marijuana is often called a gateway drug because frequent use can lead to the use of stronger drugs.

Street Names: pot, weed, blunts, chronic, grass, reefer, herb, ganja

How It's Used: Marijuana is usually smoked — rolled in papers like a cigarette (joints), or in hollowed-out cigars (blunts), pipes (bowls), or water pipes (bongs). Some people mix it into foods or brew it as a tea.

Effects & Dangers:

Marijuana can affect mood and coordination. Users may experience mood swings that range from stimulated or happy to drowsy or depressed.
Marijuana also elevates heart rate and blood pressure. Some people get red eyes and feel very sleepy or hungry. The drug can also make some people paranoid or cause them to hallucinate.
Marijuana is as tough on the lungs as cigarettes — steady smokers suffer coughs, wheezing, and frequent colds.
Addictiveness: Teens who use marijuana can become psychologically dependent upon it to feel good, deal with life, or handle stress. In addition, their bodies may demand more and more marijuana to achieve the same kind of high experienced in the beginning.
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Methamphetamine
Methamphetamine is a powerful stimulant.

Street Names: crank, meth, speed, crystal, chalk, fire, glass, crypto, ice

How It's Used: It can be swallowed, snorted, injected, or smoked.

Effects & Dangers:

Users feel a euphoric rush from methamphetamine, particularly if it is smoked or shot up. But they can develop tolerance quickly — and will use more meth for longer periods of time, resulting in sleeplessness, paranoia, and hallucinations.
Users sometimes have intense delusions such as believing that there are insects crawling under their skin.
Prolonged use may result in violent, aggressive behavior, psychosis, and brain damage.
The chemicals used to make methamphetamine can also be dangerous to both people and the environment.
Addictiveness: Methamphetamine is highly addictive.
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Nicotine
Nicotine is a highly addictive stimulant found in tobacco. This drug is quickly absorbed into the bloodstream when smoked.

How It's Used: Nicotine is typically smoked in cigarettes or cigars. Some people put a pinch of tobacco (called chewing or smokeless tobacco) into their mouths and absorb nicotine through the lining of their mouths.

Effects & Dangers:

Physical effects include rapid heartbeat, increased blood pressure, shortness of breath, and a greater likelihood of colds and flu.
Nicotine users have an increased risk for lung and heart disease and stroke. Smokers also have bad breath and yellowed teeth. Chewing tobacco users may suffer from cancers of the mouth and neck.
Withdrawal symptoms include anxiety, anger, restlessness, and insomnia.
Addictiveness: Nicotine is as addictive as heroin or cocaine, which makes it extremely difficult to quit. Those who start smoking before the age of 21 have the hardest time breaking the habit.
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Rohypnol
Rohypnol (pronounced: ro-hip-nol) is a low-cost, increasingly popular drug. Because it often comes in presealed bubble packs, many teens think that the drug is safe.

Street Names: roofies, roach, forget-me pill, date rape drug

How It's Used: This drug is swallowed, sometimes with alcohol or other drugs.

Effects & Dangers:

Rohypnol is a prescription antianxiety medication that is 10 times more powerful than Valium.
It can cause the blood pressure to drop, as well as cause memory loss, drowsiness, dizziness, and an upset stomach.
Though it's part of the depressant family of drugs, it causes some people to be overly excited or aggressive.
Rohypnol has received a lot of attention because of its association with date rape. Many teen girls and women report having been raped after having rohypnol slipped into their drinks. The drug also causes "anterograde amnesia." This means it's hard to remember what happened while on the drug, like a blackout. Because of this it can be hard to give important details if a young woman wants to report the rape.
Addictiveness: Users can become physically addicted to rohypnol, so it can cause extreme withdrawal symptoms when users stop.
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Reviewed by: Steven Dowshen, MD
Date reviewed: July 2008
Originally reviewed by: Michele Van Vranken, MD

Inactive Teens

2008-07-30T15:29:00.000-07:00

By Connect with Kids

“Make time for [exercise] because once you get out of it, it’s so hard to get back in.”

– Tori, 16 years old

They run and play and participate in all sorts of sports. But what happens when little kids become teens?

“After a while, you just become like a couch potato,” says Tori, 16.

When she was a cheerleader in middle school, Tori got plenty of exercise. Now she’s 16, and she admits she hasn’t exercised regularly in years.

“I’m not physically fit,” she says. “I mean, I’m skinny, but I guess it’s just because I have a fast metabolism. But physically fit? Noooo!”

A study in the Journal of the American Medical Association followed more than one thousand children aged 9 to 15.

97% were active when they were 9-years-old, but by the time they were 15, only 31% of teens were meeting the recommended sixty minutes of vigorous physical activity during the week. And only 17% met that target on the weekend.

The older they got, the less they exercised!

Experts speculate, for some it’s just laziness, for other, interests change, or they’re simply too busy.

Tori agrees: “School starts to get harder, and you get more homework, and you want to spend more time with your friends and you need more sleep.”

Still, experts warn that teens must find a way to remain active otherwise they risk becoming obese or sick later in life. Parents can help by getting involved in activities with their children.

“Whether it’s running and pulling a kite in the wind or going out throwing a Frisbee or going for a walk with your dog, if you incorporate those things, you’re just gonna have a better quality of life,” says Jon Crosby, an Atlanta-based sports and fitness trainer.

Tori’s advice to fellow teens: “Make time for [exercise] because once you get out of it, it’s so hard to get back in.”

Tips for Parents

Many studies have found similar results to the UC- San Diego study. University of Pittsburgh researchers report that as girls age, they increasingly get less and less exercise. In their study, published in The New England Journal of Medicine, the researchers evaluated the exercise habits of 1,213 black girls and 1,166 white girls for 10 years, beginning at age 9 or 10. By the time the girls were 16 or 17, nearly 56% of the black girls and nearly 31% of the white girls reported no regular exercise participation at all outside of school.

While this study focused on teenage girls, other research shows that participation in physical activity is decreasing among all American children. The National Association for Sport & Physical Education reports that only 25% of all U.S. kids are physically active. And while most parents believe that their children are getting enough exercise during school hours, the President’s Council on Physical Fitness and Sports (PCPFS) says that only 17% of middle or junior high schools and 2% of senior high schools require daily physical activity for all students.

As a result of this physical inactivity, more and more children are becoming obese. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 13% of children aged 6 to 11 and 18% of teens aged 12 to 19 are overweight. These same overweight adolescents also have a 70% chance of becoming overweight or obese adults and are at an increased risk for developing health problems, such as heart disease, type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and some forms of cancer. In fact, the PCPFS reports that physical inactivity contributes to 300,000 preventable deaths a year in the United States.

Besides preventing the onset of certain diseases, regular physical exercise can also help your child in the following ways, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention:

Helps control weight
Helps build and maintain healthy bones, muscles and joints
Improves flexibility
Helps burn off stress
Promotes psychological well-being
Reduces feelings of depression and anxiety
As a parent, you need to emphasize to your child the importance of physical activity. This can often be a difficult task, as you may encounter some resistance from a child who enjoys sedentary activities like watching television and surfing the Internet. The American Council on Exercise (ACE) recommends the following guidelines for easing your child into an active lifestyle:

Don’t just tell your child that exercise is fun; show him or her! Get off the couch and go biking, rock climbing or inline skating with your child. Skip rope or shoot baskets with him or her.
Invite your child to participate in vigorous household tasks, such as tending the garden, washing the car or raking leaves. Demonstrate the value of these chores as quality physical activity.
Plan outings and activities that involve some walking, like a trip to the zoo, a nature hike or even a trip to the mall.
Set an example for your child and treat exercise as something to be done on a regular basis, like brushing your teeth or cleaning your room.
Concentrate on the positive aspects of exercise. It can be a chance for your family to have some fun together. Avoid competition, discipline and embarrassment, which can turn good times into bad times. Praise your child for trying and doing.
Keep in mind that your child is not always naturally limber. His or her muscles may be tight and vulnerable to injury during growth spurts. Be sure to include stretching as part of your child’s fitness activities.
Exercise and nutrition go hand in hand. Instead of high-calorie foods and snacks, turn your child on to fruits and low- or non-fat foods.
If you discover that your teen is having trouble staying motivated to exercise, the American Academy of Family Physicians suggests these strategies:

Choose an activity that your child likes to do. Make sure it suits him or her physically, too.
Encourage your child to get a partner. Exercising with a friend can make it more fun.
Tell your child to vary his or her routine. Your child may be less likely to get bored or injured if he or she changes his or her exercise routine. Your child could walk one day and bicycle the next.
Ensure that your child is active during a comfortable time of day. Don’t allow him or her to work out too soon after eating or when it’s too hot or cold outside. And make sure your child drinks plenty of fluids to stay hydrated during physical activity.
Remind your child not to get discouraged. It can take weeks or months before he or she notices some of the changes from and benefits of exercise.
Tell your child to forget “no pain, no gain.” While a little soreness is normal after your child first starts exercising, pain isn’t. He or she should stop if hurt.
With a little encouragement and help from you, your child will be up and moving in no time!

References
American Academy of Family Physicians
American Council on Exercise
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
National Association for Sport & Physical Education
Office of the Surgeon General
President’s Council on Physical Fitness and Sports
The New England Journal of Medicine

Sue Scheff: Learn More About Inhalant Abuse!

2008-07-25T09:34:00.000-07:00

I know I have Blogged a lot about Inhalant Abuse and I will continue to do so - especially after reading about the recent senseless deaths. Take a moment to read their Blog at http://inhalant-info.blogspot.com/ - Take the time to learn more and you never know when this knowledge will be necessary. http://www.inhalant.org/

Struggling Teens? Defiant Teens? At Risk Teens? Troubled Teens? Teen Help!

2008-07-23T05:45:00.000-07:00

Are you considering any of the following programs for your child? Take a moment to read my experiences - www.aparentstruestory.com as well as my book where you can hear my daughter's experiences for the first time - order today at www.witsendbook.com .

Choosing a program is not only a huge emotional decision, it is a major financial decision - do your homework!

Academy of Ivy Ridge, NY (withdrew their affiliation with WWASPS)
Canyon View Park, MT
Camas Ranch, MT
Carolina Springs Academy, SC
Cross Creek Programs, UT (Cross Creek Center and Cross Creek Manor)
Darrington Academy, GA
Help My Teen, UT (Adolescent Services Adolescent Placement) Promotes and markets these programs.
Gulf Coast Academy, MS
Horizon Academy, NV
Lisa Irvin (Helpmyteen)
Lifelines Family Services, UT (Promotes and markets these programs) Jane Hawley
Majestic Ranch, UT
Midwest Academy, IA (Brian Viafanua, formerly the Director of Paradise Cove as shown on Primetime, is the current Director here)
Parent Teen Guide (Promotes and markets these programs)
Pillars of Hope, Costa Rica
Pine View Christian Academy (Borders FL, AL, MS)
Reality Trek, UT
Red River Academy, LA (Borders TX)
Royal Gorge Academy, CO
Sky View Academy, NV
Spring Creek Lodge, MT
Teen Help, UT (Promotes and markets these programs)
Teens In Crisis
Tranquility Bay, Jamaica

Sue Scheff: Teens - National Crime Prevention Council

2008-07-20T05:24:00.001-07:00

Growing up in the 21st century provides young people with amazing opportunities. We have access to incredible technology that allows us to communicate instantaneously through email and cell phones. We are the healthiest, best-educated generation in history. We volunteer at an even higher rate than adults do. The level of crime that we face is lower than it has been in 30 years. However, crime rates are still too high. The good news is that there are real things we can do about the problems that plague our communities.

Community Works offers us a way to do something about crime and violence. When we participate in the Community Works curriculum, we can work with our friends, other young people, and adult leaders to learn the facts about crime and violence, how we can help prevent crimes, and how we can become involved in service-learning projects that benefit our community.

Visit http://www.ncpc.org/topics/by-audience/teens

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Grade School Bullying

2008-07-17T07:41:00.001-07:00

By Connect with Kids

“A new phrase has entered our vocabulary: “Barbie Brats.” The name applies to an overlooked group of kids- young children, only 6 or 8 or 10 years old, who bully other kids in real life or on the Internet.”

– Louise Myslik, LCSW

Sherrod is only seven, but already, he says, he’s the victim of bullies. Sometimes it’s verbal, at other times, physical.

“They tell me to do stuff and then they push me into a wall.”

“They don’t like him,” says Sherrod’s mother, Sherry Thornton. “They won’t share with him. They do things and just blame it on him.”

Bullying among younger kids is happening more often. In fact, studies show three-quarters of children aged 8 to 11 say they’ve been bullied.

Experts say as kids learn to socialize, sometimes they’re nice and sometimes mean. It’s the mean behavior parents should focus on.

“We can’t assume that kids will be kids [and] at some point, they will grow out of this,” says Louise Myslik, a licensed clinical social worker. “We need to really pay attention to it and help them understand what it means to be mean, what it looks like, how it feels and why it’s not appropriate.”

Experts say parents should first talk to their children about bullying. Also, ask detailed questions.

For instance, says Myslik, “’Do you think your school has bullies? Do you have bullies in your class? What do they do? What do they say? Whom do they hurt? Have you ever been hurt?’”

She says if your child is a bully, don’t ignore the behavior. If your child is the victim, like Sherrod, teach them to speak up – tell an adult, stand up to the bully.

Sherrod’s mother offers him these words, “’Stop. Don’t do that to me. I don’t like that. You’re hurting me or you hurt my feelings,’ she says, “To me, communication is key.”

Tips for Parents

It may seem like innocent child’s play, but physical and verbal taunting can weigh heavily on kids. According to a report, teasing and bullying top the list of children’s school troubles. In a survey called “Talking with Kids About Tough Issues,” authors polled 823 kids ranging in age from 8 to 15. The majority reported teasing and bullying are “big problems” that rank higher than racism, smoking, drinking, drugs or sex.

Australian researchers also found that teenagers who are the targets of repeated taunts, threats and/or physical violence are more likely to develop symptoms of anxiety and depression. Girls appear to be particularly vulnerable.

“Bullying, teasing and harassment are psychological and psychiatric traumas,” says Dr. William S. Pollack, a clinical psychologist at Harvard Medical School. Those traumas can lead to “anxiety, depression, dysfunction, nightmares, and later, incapacity to function actively and healthfully as an adult.”

Experts say it is extremely important to open the lines of communication with your kids.
Consider the following tips:

Start early
Initiate conversations
Create an open environment
Communicate your values
Listen to your child
Try to be honest
Be patient
Share your experiences
Also, watch for behavioral changes. Children who are suffering from teasing and bullying may try to hide the hurt. They become withdrawn from family and friends, lose interest in hobbies, and may turn to destructive habits like alcohol, drugs, and acts of violence.

It is the ultimate responsibility of your child’s school to make the school safe for him/her. Share the following tips with your child, and tell him/her to only do the things recommended below if he/she is comfortable doing them. If your child is not comfortable, encourage him/her to get help from a teacher or counselor. And even when he/she takes the actions below, it is always a good idea for him/her to let parents and teachers know.

Be assertive
Write the harasser a letter
Document incidents
Check with other students
File a formal complaint
References
Kaiser Family Foundation
Children Now
British Medical Journal
U.S. Department of Education
LaMarsh Research Centre

Sue Scheff - Binge Drinking and Teens

2008-07-12T04:58:00.001-07:00

By Connect with Kids

“There’s this idea that drinking, getting drunk, being a part of a group … is somehow a part of our growing up, and everybody’s going to do it.”

– Robert Margolis, Ph.D., clinical psychologist

Binge drinking is considered to be a rite of passage for teenagers across the country. “I drank a liter of tequila in an hour, and I went to this pizza place, and I passed out in the parking lot. I woke up the next morning,” remembers Cleophus Randolph, a 22-year-old college student.

Suzanne Graham had a similar experience: “This summer I went kind of crazy, the summer after senior year, I passed out in someone’s backyard. It was not good, and I was throwing up pretty heavily the next day and all that night.”

The consequences can range from sickness to far worse — “where they don’t get a second chance because they get alcohol poisoning. Their heart rate and their body metabolism slows down and, for whatever reason, they don’t recover from it. If you drink enough alcohol you die,” explains Dr. Robert Margolis, clinical psychologist.

His advice is to set clear boundaries for your children. Tell them what to expect, teach them how to say no, and, most of all, start early. He says middle school is the perfect time. “Those are the years when you really need to start talking about those messages, so you can help them form appropriate expectations about drinking, particularly in regard to important issues like, you can be accepted without having to drink.”

Dr. Margolis empathizes with parents who feel they’re standing alone against a part of the culture that believes teenage drinking is inevitable. “There’s this idea that drinking, getting drunk, being a part of a group, that we’re all gonna go out and get drunk, is somehow a part of our growing up, and everybody’s going to do it.”

And, sadly every year some kids die — an estimated 1,400 students die from alcohol related causes. Another 500,000 suffer serious injuries. In fact, getting “wasted” is so common that some kids even think it’s funny, like 18-year-old Jason Morgan: “I’ve had friends just outside the door, heaving. It wasn’t bad, it was a good time for most, and entertaining for the sober people to laugh at them, so it was pretty fun.”

Tips for Parents

Research defines binge drinking as having five or more drinks in a row. Reasons adolescents give for binge drinking include: to get drunk, the status associated with drinking, the culture of drinking on campus, peer pressure and academic stress. Binge drinkers are 21 times more likely to: miss class, fall behind in schoolwork, damage property, injure themselves, engage in unplanned and/or unprotected sex, get in trouble with the police, and drink and drive.

Young people who binge drink could be risking serious damage to their brains now and increasing memory loss later in adulthood. Adolescents may be even more vulnerable to brain damage from excessive drinking than older drinkers. Consider the following:

The average girl takes her first sip of alcohol at age 13. The average boy takes his first sip of alcohol at age 11.

Underage drinking causes over $53 billion in criminal, social and health problems.

Seventy-seven percent of young drinkers get their liquor at home, with or without permission.

Students who are binge drinkers in high school are three times more likely to binge drink in college.

Nearly 25 percent of college students report frequent binge drinking, that is, they binged three or more times in a two-week period.

Autopsies show that patients with a history of chronic alcohol abuse have smaller, less massive and more shrunken brains.

Alcohol abstinence can lead to functional and structural recovery of alcohol-damaged brains.
Alcohol is America’s biggest drug problem. Make sure your child understands that alcohol is a drug and that it can kill him/her. Binge drinking is far more pervasive and dangerous than boutique pills and other illicit substances in the news. About 1,400 students will die of alcohol-related causes this year. An additional 500,000 will suffer injuries.

A study by the Harvard School of Public Health showed that 51 percent of male college students and 40 percent of female college students engaged in binge drinking in the previous two weeks. Half of these drinkers binged frequently (more than three times per week). College students who binge drink report:

Interruptions in sleep or study habits (71 percent).
Caring for an intoxicated student (57 percent).
Being insulted or humiliated (36 percent).
An unwanted sexual experience (23 percent).
A serious argument (23 percent).
Damaging property (16 percent).
Being pushed, hit or assaulted (11 percent).
Being the victim of a sexual advance assault or date rape (1 percent).

Students must arrive on college campuses with the ability to resist peer pressure and knowing how to say no to alcohol. For many youngsters away from home for the first time, it is difficult to find the courage to resist peer pressure and the strength to answer peer pressure with resounding no. Parents should foster such ability in their child's early years and nurture it throughout adolescence. Today’s youth needs constant care from parents and community support to make the best decisions for their wellbeing.

References
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Harvard School of Public Health
National Youth Violence Prevention Center

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Gun Violence

2008-07-05T07:01:00.001-07:00

By Connect with Kids

“One thing about him—he thought no one would hurt him. He thought, ‘no enemies.’”

– Mickye McGuire-Rush, Gregory’s Mother

Mickye McGuire-Rush sits in her living room and remembers her only son, Gregory. “One thing about him—he thought no one would hurt him. He thought, ‘no enemies,’” she says.

Gregory had no enemies and no protection from random violence. At age 15, he was shot to death by another kid didn’t even know.

“Mistaken identity—Gregory lost his life over something he didn’t even know was going on,” Mickye says.

Violence is killing our kids. Murder is the second leading cause of death among teenagers.

“I saw my friend in the hospital die with a nine millimeter, with a bible over it and we had a prayer before he died. Things change from that,” says one teen.

Changing the violence is exactly what a group of fourth and fifth graders are hoping to do. Some of the girls are step dancing for peace.

“We want the world to be a safe place to live,” says Ebony.

They’re part of a program at school that teaches non-violence as a way of life.

Experts say parents may not be able to prevent their children from becoming victims of violence, but they can teach kids how to handle disagreements peacefully in their own lives.

“It has to do with what you control and what you do not control. You control your own behavior. You control what you do inside that relationship with the people inside that household,” says Dr. John Jenson, psychologist.

“Clearly something is not working and I think to conclude that it’s the kids that aren’t working is inappropriate. We first must look at the environment that we have created as adults for kids to live in,” says Dr. Stephen Thomas, psychologist.

An environment that, so far, has claimed too many lives, including Gregory.

Mickye McGuire-Rush says, “He was my best friend.”

Tips for Parents

After a decade of decline, the number of children killed by gun fire has increased, according to the report Protect Children, Not Guns. This report from the Children’s Defense Fund, used data from the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, to compile this list of statistics:

3,006 children and teens died from gunfire in the United States in 2005—one child or teen every three hours, eight every day, 58 children and teens every week.
1,972 were homicide victims
822 committed suicide
212 died in accidental or undetermined circumstances
2,654 were boys
352 were girls
404 were under age 15
131 were under age 10
69 were under age 5
1,624 were White
1,271 were Black
614 were Latino*
60 were Asian or Pacific Islander
51 were American Indian or Alaska Native

The number of children and teens in America killed by guns in 2005 would fill 120 public school classrooms of 25 students each.
In 2005, 69 preschoolers were killed by firearms compared to 53 law enforcement officers killed in the line of duty.
Since 1979, gun violence has snuffed out the lives of 104,419 children and teens in America. Sixty percent of them were White; 37 percent were Black.
The number of Black children and teens killed by gunfire since 1979 is more than 10 times the number of Black citizens of all ages lynched in American history.
The number of children and teens killed by guns since 1979 would fill 4,177 public school classrooms of 25 students each.
More than five times as many children and teens suffered non-fatal gun injuries.
181 more children and teens died from firearms in 2005 than in 2004—the first annual increase since 1994.
68 more children and teens died from homicide in 2005 than in 2004.
56 more White, 122 more Black, 40 more Hispanic, and 9 more Asian and Pacific Islander children and teens died in 2005 than in 2004.
More 10- to 19-year-olds die from gunshot wounds than from any other cause except motor vehicle accidents.
Almost 90 percent of the children and teens killed by firearms in 2005 were boys.
Black children and teens are more likely to be victims of firearm homicide. White children and teens are more likely to commit suicide.
The firearm death rate for Black males ages 15 to 19 is more than four times that of comparable White males.
A Black male has a 1 in 72 chance of being killed by a firearm before his 30th birthday; a White male has a 1 in 344 chance.
Eight times as many White children and teens committed suicide by gun as Black children and teens.
Males ages 15 to 19 are almost eight times as likely as females that age to commit suicide with a firearm.
The following behaviors and actions may be viewed as risk factors indicative of the potential for the initiation of violence by a child or adolescent:

Has a history of tantrums or uncontrollable angry outbursts
Uses abusive language or calls people names
Makes violent threats when angry
Has brought a weapon to school
Has serious disciplinary problems at school or in the community
Abuses drugs, alcohol or other substances
Has few or no close friends
Is preoccupied with weapons or explosives
Has been suspended or expelled from school
Is cruel to animals
Has little or no supervision and support from parents or a caring adult
Has witnessed or been a victim of abuse or neglect
Has been bullied and/or bullies or intimidates other kids
Prefers TV shows, movies or music with violent themes
Is involved with a gang or an antisocial group
Is depressed or has significant mood swings
Has threatened or attempted suicide

What Parents Can Do

The following are suggestions of ways to help your child or adolescent deal with feelings and/or situations that might lead them to participate in violent behaviors:

Give your children consistent love and attention. Every child needs a strong, loving, relationship with a parent or other adult to feel safe and secure and to develop a sense of trust.

Children learn by example, so show your children appropriate behavior by the way you act. Settle arguments with calm words, not with yelling, hitting, slapping, or spanking. If you punish children by hitting, slapping, or spanking them, you are showing them that it is okay to hit others.

Talk with your children about the violence they see on TV, in video games, at school, at home, or in the neighborhood. Discuss why violence exists in these contexts and what the consequences of this violence are.

Try to keep your children from seeing too much violence: limit their TV time, and screen the programs they watch. Seeing a lot of violence can lead children to behave aggressively.

Make sure your children do not have access to guns. If you own firearms or other weapons, unload them and lock them up separately from the bullets. Never store firearms where children can find them, even if unloaded. Also, talk with your children about how dangerous weapons can be.

Involve your children in setting rules for appropriate behavior at home; this will help them understand why the rules should be followed. Also ask your children what they think an appropriate punishment would be if a rule were broken.

Teach your children nonaggressive ways to solve problems by discussing problems with them, asking them to consider what might happen if they use violence to solve problems, and talking about what might happen if they solve problems without violence.

Listen to your children and respect them. They will be more likely to listen and respect others if they are listened to and treated with respect.

Note any disturbing behaviors in your child such as angry outbursts, excessive fighting, cruelty to animals, fire setting, lack of friends, or alcohol/drug use. These can be signs of serious problems.

Don't be afraid to get help for your child if such behaviors exist, and talk with a trusted professional in the community.

References
National Center for Injury Prevention and Control
National Safety Council
SafeUSA - National Center for Injury Prevention and Control
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Children’s Defense Fund

Sue Scheff: Prescription Drugs and Teens

2008-07-03T08:18:00.001-07:00

By Connect with Kids

“I know a couple people … the first thing they ever tried, you know, going to their parents’ medicine cabinet and just looking in there and finding what they could get high off of.”

– Marie Bokemeyer, 17

According to the Federal Drug Enforcement Administration, 7 million Americans abuse prescription drugs. And many are just teens.

“Percosets, Valium, Xanax … pretty much anything I could get my hands on,” 17-year-old Mururi Wangu says.

In fact, the abuse of prescription drugs has risen 80 percent in the past 6 years. Experts say, aside from marijuana, teens are abusing these drugs more than all other illicit drugs combined.

Experts say that one reason for such a dramatic jump in abuse numbers is the availability of prescription drugs.

“This is the age of medication,” says Dr. Steven Jaffe, an adolescent psychologist. “I think there’s tremendous amounts of all sorts of medicine out there that are readily available in the bathrooms, in the cabinets at home, as well as on the black market.”

Moreover, since the U.S. Food and Drug Administration approves prescription drugs, teens mistakenly believe that using these drugs – even if they don’t have a prescription – is safe.

“For a while, I thought prescription drugs aren’t as bad because why would the doctor prescribe them if they were dangerous,” 17-year-old Marie Bokemeyer says.

Experts say that’s why parents should start early with a strong, clear message that abusing any kind of drug is wrong. They should also get to know their teens’ friends, limit unsupervised time, keep close track of medications in their homes and don’t assume it can’t happen to their teens.

“I have a thousand parents who say, ‘I didn’t know how much my child was in to.’ And it’s not just denial – teenagers are experts at hiding it,” Dr. Jaffe says.

Adds 17-year-old Kat Peterson: “I didn’t care about the danger of it; that had no effect on me. It was just the convenience of it.”

Tips for Parents
The abuse of prescription drugs has become a major health concern. More teens than ever are turning to their medicine cabinets to get high. Experts say one reason is accessibility. The majority of teens who abuse prescription drugs say they get them for free from their friends or relatives. Another reason these drugs have become so popular is, because the drugs are approved by the FDA, many teens consider them to be safe.

Consider these statistics:

In 2005, 2.1 million teens abused prescription drugs.

Three percent, or 840,000 teens ages 12-17, reported current abuse of prescription drugs in 2005, making this illegal drug category the second most abused next to marijuana (7%).
For the first time, there are just as many new abusers (12 and older) of prescription drugs as there are for marijuana.

One-third of all new abusers of prescription drugs in 2005 were 12-17-year-olds.
Teens ages 12-17 have the second-highest annual rates of prescription drug abuse after young adults (18-25).

Nearly one in five teens (19% or 4.5 million) report abusing prescription medications that were not prescribed to them.

Teens admit to abusing prescription medicine for reasons other than getting high, including to relieve pain or anxiety, to sleep better, to experiment, to help with concentration or to increase alertness.

More than one-third of teens say they feel some pressure to abuse prescription drugs, and nine percent say using prescription drugs to get high is an important part of fitting in with their friends.

Nearly three out of 10 teens (29% or 6.8 million) believe prescription pain relievers—even if not prescribed by a doctor—are not addictive.

In 2004, more than 29 percent of teens in treatment were dependent on tranquilizers, sedatives, amphetamines and other stimulants.

As a parent, it is important to understand that teens may be involved with legal and illegal drugs in various ways. The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) reports that many teens begin using drugs to satisfy their curiosity, to make themselves feel good, to reduce stress, to feel grown up or to “fit in.” While it is difficult to know which teens will experiment and stop and which will develop serious problems, the National Institute of Drug Abuse says the following types of teens are at greatest risk of becoming addicted:

Those who have a family history of substance abuse
Those who are depressed
Those who have low self-esteem

Those who feel like they don’t “fit in” or are out of the mainstream
Because the U.S. Food and Drug Administration puts its seal of approval on prescription drugs, many teens mistakenly believe that using these drugs – even if they are not prescribed to them – is safe. However, this practice can, in fact, lead to addiction and severe side effects. The Center for Drug Evaluation and Research cites the following most commonly abused prescription drugs:

Opioids: Also known as narcotic analgesics, opioids are used to treat pain. Examples of this type of drug include morphine, codeine, OxyContin (oxycodone), Vicodin (hydrocodone) and Demerol (meperidine). In the short term, these drugs block pain messages and cause drowsiness. A large, single dose can cause severe respiratory depression and death. Long-term use leads to physical dependence and, in some cases, addiction.

Central nervous system (CNS) depressants: These drugs are commonly used to treat anxiety, panic attacks and sleep disorders. Examples include Nembutal (pentobarbital sodium), Valium (diazepam) and Xanax (alprazolam). CNS depressants slow down normal brain function and can cause a sleepy, uncoordinated feeling in the beginning of treatment. Long-term use can lead to physical dependence and addiction.

Stimulants: These drugs are commonly used to treat the sleeping disorder narcolepsy and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. Examples include Ritalin (methylphenidate) and Dexedrine (dextroamphetamine). Stimulants, which can be addictive, enhance brain activity and increase alertness and energy. They elevate blood pressure, heart rate and respiration. Very high doses can lead to irregular heartbeat and high body temperature

How can you determine if your teen is abusing drugs? The AACAP suggests looking for the following warning signs and symptoms in your teen:

Physical: Fatigue, repeated health complaints, red and glazed eyes and a lasting cough
Emotional: Personality change, sudden mood changes, irritability, irresponsible behavior, low self-esteem, poor judgment, depression and a general lack of interest

Familial: Starting arguments, breaking rules or withdrawing from the family

School-related: Decreased interest, negative attitude, drop in grades, many absences, truancy and discipline problems

Social: having new friends who are less interested in standard home and school activities, problems with the law and changes to less conventional styles in dress and music

If you believe your teen has a problem with drug abuse, you can take several steps to get the help he or she needs. The American Academy of Family Physicians suggests contacting your health-care provider so that he or she can perform an adequate medical evaluation in order to match the right treatment or intervention program with your teen. You can also contact a support group in your community dedicated to helping families coping with addiction.

Substance abuse can be an overwhelming issue with which to deal, but it doesn’t have to be. The Partnership for a Drug-Free America offers the following strategies to put into practice so that your teen can reap the rewards of a healthy, drug-free life:

Be your teen’s greatest fan. Compliment him or her on all of his or her efforts, strength of character and individuality.

Help your teen develop tools he can use to get out of drug-related situations. Let him or her know he or she can use you as an excuse: “My mom would kill me if I smoked marijuana!”
Get to know your teen’s friends and their parents. Set appointments for yourself to call them and check-in to make sure they share your views on alcohol, tobacco and other drugs. Steer your teen away from any friends who use drugs.

Call teens’ parents if their home is to be used for a party. Make sure that the party will be drug-free and supervised by adults.

Set curfews and enforce them. Let your teen know the consequences of breaking curfew.
Set a no-use rule for alcohol, tobacco and other drugs.

Sit down for dinner with your teen at least once a week. Use the time to talk – don’t eat in front of the television.

Get – and stay – involved in your teen’s life.

References
American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
American Academy of Family Physicians
Center for Drug Evaluation and Research
Drug Abuse Warning Network
National Institute on Drug Abuse
Partnership for a Drug-Free America
Substance Abuse & Mental Human Services Administration
U.S. Food and Drug Administration

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Avoid the Freak-Out Route!

2008-06-26T07:33:00.001-07:00

Source: Shoulder to Shoulder

Most parents and teens do battle, and these "power struggles" test everyone's patience. You casually ask your daughter if she is going to wear that shirt, and she retorts, "Don't freak out mom!" What's a parent to do? While these challenges are a normal part of every day life with teens, there are steps to take to avoid (or at least reduce) the "freak out" route.

STAY COOL.If we overreact or lose our cool, we diminish our control with teens and escalate the conflict. Parents show they are in charge by staying calm and dealing with an issue even-handedly. (Yes, it's easier said than done.)

STICK TO THE GROUND RULES.Decide on a few non-negotiable rules. These can be as simple as "no television until homework is finished," or "put dirty clothes in the hamper." When a teen pushes back, don't argue over details or negotiate. Simply say, "Sorry, that is against the family rules." Teens will try and outwit us or start an argument. Don't over-explain, and don't renegotiate. Just remind them of the rule.

IGNORE THE "SMALL STUFF."Many conflicts are not worth your time and energy. Does it really matter if their bedroom is clean for a sleepover? Would it be the end of the world if they play one more CD? Probably not. The key to successful parenting is to know which battles are worth tackling. Concentrate only on those issues that genuinely need your attention to protect your teen's well-being.

KNOW WHEN TO LET IT GO.Conflict carries different meanings and feelings for parents and teens. When teens blow up about something we feel is "insignificant," teens tend to forget about the issue soon afterwards. For us, the tension can linger and make us more upset. Sometimes, we just have to let it go. Learn to ignore the "attitude," the flip remark or the threat of disobedience from your teen.

Read the entire article: http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Avoid_Freak_out/

Body Image with Teens - Can it Effect Their Behavior?

2008-06-24T14:57:00.001-07:00

By Sarah Maria http://www.breakfreebeauty.com/

Body Image in Teens

If you're in high school, most of your friends are probably on a diet. A recent study shows that 90% of junior and senior girls are on a diet regularly, even though only 10-15% are actually overweight.

The modeling industry also promotes the idea that you need to diet and exercise religiously. Fashion models are actually thinner than 98% of American women. An average woman stands 5'4" tall and weighs about 140 lbs, while the average fashion model is a towering 5'11" tall and weighs under 117 lbs.

In reality no amount of dieting, exercise and discipline can earn you a magazine cover-ready body because those photos have been Photo Shopped, doctored and airbrushed. Don't waste your time attempting to be what you are not, instead; focus on cultivating who you are!

Body Image Tips
As you progress through puberty and your high school years, your body changes as fast as your favorite ringtones. But learning to appreciate your body and have positive self image is a task that few adults have even mastered. Here are some tips to help you learn to love yourself:

Learn to Cook- It is never too early to learn to cook. In just a few years, you will be on your own and you will be expected to feed and take care of yourself. Get some practice at home by preparing some family meals or meals for just yourself. Try some new foods by looking through cookbooks and online. Impress your friends by having a dinner party. This also helps you understand how food functions within a regular diet. Learn how to cook healthily so you can eat healthily, but don't spend too much time worrying about food!

Don't Diet!- Dieting is a great way to ruin your eating habits and your relationship with food and your body. Instead, learn about healthy eating and exercise habits. The healthy habits you learn while you are young will serve you throughout your life!

People Watch- Go to the mall or a public space and people watch. How many are fat or thin? How tall are most women? Men? What do you like or dislike about people's styles, looks or body type? How much of their appearance is "style" and how much is their actual body types? Cultivate the ability to see style and beauty in everyone. As you learn to do this, you can be a trend-setter instead of a trend-follower.

Keep it Real- Remember, people only pick the best photos to be on their MySpace or Facebook page. Remind yourself that they all have bad hair days, the occasional zit or an unflattering outfit choice.

Stay Well Rounded- Sign up for activities that you have never tried. Join an intramural sport or speech meet. Build up your college resume by participating in extracurricular activities. It's a great way to broaden your social circle and prepares you for college or a job.

Be a Trend Setter- Don't just follow the crowd - create your own crowd by being a trend setter. Find your own style and look by experimenting with your hair, makeup and clothing. What is your look trying to say? Does it match what you want people to think about you? Someone has to set the trends. Why not you?

Learn to meditate- It is never too early to learn to meditate. You will find that this is a skill you can use all your life. By focusing inward, it is easier to distill the truth rather than listening to outside influences. It will also help you manage the stress of your busy life.

Parental Tips
If you are a parent of a teen, you know the challenges of living with an emotional, possibly aloof teenager who begs for guidance but disregards most of what you say. Their alternating moods and attitudes make approaching a touchy subject like body image feels dangerous. The following are some tips to help with a positive body image:

Have an Open Door Policy-You'd like your teen to approach you with any problem she is facing but often you aren't sure if she's coming to you, going to her friends or suffering alone. Encourage regular candid conversation by noticing what times and places your teen is most likely to talk. Is she a night owl? Does she talking on a long drive? Is she more comfortable emailing? Use the time and venue that is most comfortable for her and encourage open sharing.

Limit Harmful Media- Put your teen daughter on a media diet. Don't feel you need to restrict website, magazine or TV shows entirely. Just be cautious of what mediums she concentrates on. Be especially mindful of any one celebrity that she idolizes or photos that she tears out and stares at repeatedly. Discuss how all magazine photos are airbrushed and doctored.

Compliment Her and Her Friends- Make a point to compliment both your daughter and her friends on a well-put together outfit or a new hair style. Teens are trying on new looks and personalities as their bodies change. Let them know that they have hit on a good look when they experiment in the right direction.

Make sure to compliment them on things not related to their appearance as well. A good grade, a valiant sports effort or kind deed also deserve notice. Try to practice a 90/10% rule. Let 90% of your comments and insights be positive and only 10% should be carefully worded constructive criticism.

Resources:

Health AtoZ: Is it a Diet or an Eating Disorder?

Eating Disorder Statistics

http://www.freewebs.com/anadeath/statistics.htm

Sue Scheff: The Dangers of Inhalant Abuse

2008-06-22T06:41:00.000-07:00

By http://www.inhalant.org/

Inhaled chemicals are rapidly absorbed through the lungs into the bloodstream
and quickly distributed to the brain and other organs. Within minutes, the user
experiences intoxication, with symptoms similar to those produced by drinking
alcohol. With Inhalants, however, intoxication lasts only a few minutes, so some
users prolong the “high” by continuing to inhale repeatedly.

Short-term effects include:

headaches, muscle weakness, abdominal pain, severe mood swings and violent behavior, belligerence, slurred speech, numbness and tingling of the hands and feet, nausea, hearing loss, visual disturbances, limb spasms, fatigue, lack of coordination, apathy, impaired judgment, dizziness, lethargy, depressed reflexes, stupor, and loss of consciousness. The Inhalant user will initially feel slightly stimulated and, after successive inhalations, will feel less inhibited and less in control. Hallucinations may occur and the user can lose consciousness. Worse, he or she, may even die. Please see Sudden Sniffing Death Syndrome below.

Long-term Inhalant users generally suffer from:

weight loss, muscle weakness, disorientation, inattentiveness, lack of coordination, irritability and depression. Different Inhalants produce different harmful effects, and regular abuse of these substances can result in serious harm to vital organs. Serious, but potentially reversible, effects include liver and kidney damage. Harmful irreversible effects include: hearing loss, limb spasms, bone marrow and central nervous system (including brain) damage.

Sudden Sniffing Death Syndrome:

Children can die the first time, or any time, they try an Inhalant. This is known as Sudden Sniffing Death Syndrome. While it can occur with many types of Inhalants, it is particularly associated with the abuse of air conditioning coolant, butane, propane, and the chemicals in some aerosol products. Sudden Sniffing Death Syndrome is usually associated with cardiac arrest. The Inhalant causes the heart to beat rapidly and erratically, resulting in cardiac arrest.

Learn more:

Visit http://www.inhalant.org/
http://www.helpyourteens.com/
http://www.witsendbook.com/

Sue Scheff: Teen Suicide - Learn More

2008-06-19T11:31:00.001-07:00

Suicide is the third most common cause of death amongst adolescents between 15-24 years of age, and the sixth most common cause of death amongst 5-14 year olds. It is estimated that over half of all teens suffering from depression will attempt suicide at least once, and of those teens, roughly seven percent will succeed on the first try. Teenagers are especially vulnerable to the threat of suicide, because in addition to increased stress from school, work and peers, teens are also dealing with hormonal fluctuations that can complicate even the most normal situations.

Because of these social and personal changes, teens are also at higher risk for depression, which can also increase feelings of despair and the desire to commit suicide. In fact, according to a study by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) almost all people who commit suicide suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder or substance abuse disorder. Often, teens feel as though they have no other way out of their problems, and may not realize that suicidal thoughts and feelings can be treated. Unfortunately, due to the often volatile relationship between teens and their parents, teens may not be as forthcoming about suicidal feelings as parents would hope. The good news is there are many signs parents can watch for in their teen without necessarily needing their teen to open up to them.

At some point in most teens’ lives, they will experience periods of sadness, worry and/or despair. While it is completely normal for a healthy person to have these types of responses to pain resulting from loss, dismissal, or disillusionment, those with serious (often undiagnosed) mental illnesses often experience much more drastic reactions. Many times these severe reactions will leave the teen in despair, and they may feel that there is no end in sight to their suffering. It is at this point that the teen may lose hope, and with the absence of hope comes more depression and the feeling that suicide is the only solution. It isn’t.

Teen girls are statistically twice as likely as their male counterparts to attempt suicide. They tend to turn to drugs (overdosing) or to cut themselves, while boys are traditionally more successful in their suicide attempts because they utilize more lethal methods such as guns and hanging. This method preference makes boys almost four times more successful in committing suicide.

Studies have borne out that suicide rates rise considerably when teens can access firearms in their home. In fact, nearly 60% of suicides committed in the United States that result in immediate death are accomplished with a gun. This is one crucial reason that any gun kept in a home with teens, even if that teen does not display any outward signs of depression, be stored in a locked compartment away from any ammunition. In fact, the ammunition should be stored in a locked compartment as well, and the keys to both the gun and ammunition compartments should be kept in a different area from where normal, everyday keys are kept. Remember to always keep firearms, ammunition, and the keys to the locks containing them, away from kids.

Unfortunately, teen suicide is not a rare event. In the United States, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) estimates that suicide is the third leading cause of death for people between the ages of 15 and 24. This disturbing trend is affecting younger children as well, with suicide rates experiencing dramatic increases in the under-15 age group from 1980 to 1996. Suicide attempts are even more prevalent, though it is difficult to track the exact rates.

Visit Teen Suicide Website.

Sue Scheff: Parent Empowerment!

2008-06-17T06:53:00.000-07:00

Parent Empowerment!
By Sue Scheff

Are you at your wit’s end? Completely frustrated and stressed out over your child’s behavior? Are you questioning where the child you raised with values went? It is time to empower yourself with information that can help you take control again.

So many parents are desperate to find resolution and peace with their out of control teen. They feel helpless, hopeless, scared, exhausted, and bewildered where this behavior came from.

Many teens are suffering with low self esteem, depression and other negative feelings that are making the act out in defiant ways. It is important to try to resolve these feelings before they escalate to worse behavior, including substance abuse and addiction, sexual promiscuity, eating disorders, self injury, gang involvement, etc.

These teens are usually very intelligent and capable of getting Honor Roll grades, however are not working up to their potential and lack the motivation to succeed and do well. This can stem from peer pressure combined with the teen’s feelings of low self worth. It is one of the most common trends today – highly intelligent teens making bad choices. Are you telling yourself; “This is not my child,” yet soon realize that it is and you must take control of an obvious out of control situation.

As a parent that has experienced and survived a troubled teen – I am introducing “Parent Empowerment” to help you take control of your family again. My goal is that you will learn from my mistakes and gain from my knowledge.

Do you think you are alone? I can assure you, that there are many parents that are in your same situation – and feeling the same frustrations.

Let’s look at things we have tried – and I am confident many of you will see the familiarity with these consequences:

• Remove privileges or place restrictions on cell phones, televisions, computers, going out on weekends, friends, phone time at home, etc. In today’s society, although these should be privileges, most are considered normal necessities of a teen’s life. This can be related to entitlement issues. Click Here http://www.helpyourteens.com/entitlement_issues.html Many instances even if you have removed the privileges, the child knows he/she will eventually get them back, and find other means to communicate with their teen world.

• Change schools – How many times have we believed if we change the school the problems will go away? Maybe in some cases, however these issues will follow your child into the next school environment. The problems may be masked in the beginning, but in most cases, the trouble will soon arise again. Changing schools, although may temporarily resolve some problems; it is rarely the answer when teens are emotionally struggling.

• Have your child go live with a relative out of state? Wow, this is very common, but the other similarity is that in many situations it is a short term resolution before the family is calling and saying they can’t do it any longer – you need to find another alternative for the teen. This can be traumatic and stressful for both families involved and cause friction that could result in more negative feelings.

• How many families have actually moved? Believe or not, parents have looked for job transfers or other avenues to try to remove their teen from the environment they are currently in. So many of us believe it is the friends, which it could be, however as parents we need to also take accountability – this is not saying we are to blame, but we need to understand that our children are usually not the “angels” we believe they are. Sure they are athletic, played varsity sports (football, track, golf, swim team, dance etc.), musically gifted, or other special talents as well as were in all advanced placement classes – but reality is, if you are reading this, this has changed.

• Seeking a therapist will help. Yes in some cases it will. And of course, we should all try this avenue first. Unfortunately more times than not, the teens are already a master manipulator and can breeze through these sessions convincing the therapist the parents are the problem. I know many of you have probably already experienced this. The other concern with therapy is that in many situations the one hour once or twice a week can barely scratch the surface of what a family with a troubled teen may require.

• Was your child arrested? If your child has committed a crime, chances are they will be arrested. If your child has become belligerent in the home and you fear for your safety or the safety of your family, again chances are they will be arrested. In some cases with first time offenders the charges could be dropped. However if this becoming a chronic problem, you seriously should consider outside help. When a teen is arrested and placed in a juvenile detention center, even for one night, they are exposed to a different element that could either scare him/her or harden them. Teens can learn bad habits in these centers, or potentially worse, make friends with teens that have far worse problems than yours.

• Scared Straight Programs or Boot Camps – Are they effective? Many parents will seek a local weekend Scared Straight Program or Boot Camp. In some cases, it may have a positive effect on your teen – a wake up call so to speak; however in other cases it may worsen your problem. Depending on your child and the problems you are dealing with or how long they have been going on, may help you to determine if these types of programs would be beneficial or detrimental to them. Some teens will leave a Boot Camp or weekend Scared Straight program with more anger and resentment than when they entered it. The resentment is usually directed at the person that placed them there – not at the program. This can open doors to more destructive behavior. Personally, I am not in favor of Boot Camps or Scared Straight Weekend programs. A visit to a jail with a police officer, giving the teen the awareness of what could happen to them, may be a better way to help the teen to understand consequences of the current behavior.

These above efforts are avenues parents could try before considering any type of boarding school program. I believe exhausting all your local resources should be the first path. Making a decision to place a child outside of the home is a major decision and one that is not to be taken lightly. It is important you educate yourself – empower yourself with information to help you make the best decision for your child. Here is a list of questions to ask schools and programs in order to determine if they are a fit for your teen.

Click here: http://www.helpyourteens.com/questions_to_ask_schools.html
Helpful Hints: http://www.helpyourteens.com/helpful_hints.html when searching for schools and programs.

An educated parent is an empowered parent. Parent Empowerment! Take control of your family life again. Don’t be a parent in denial – take control and become empowered! I believe giving your child a second chance to have a successful life is our responsibility as a concerned parent.

Visit www.helpyourteens.com and order www.witsendbook.com today.

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Tough Talks with your Teen

2008-06-14T06:36:00.001-07:00

By Shoulder to Shoulder

It’s not easy talking about sex, drugs, gangs and violence with our teens. But it’s a “must do.” Here are a few pointers and tips for talking with teens about the very real issues they face.

Timing is Everything

Know that teens will catch us off guard when they decide to ask questions about sex or other “tough” topics. Resist the urge to flee. Try saying, “I’m glad you came to me with that question.” This gives us time to think of a response, and will let teens know they can come to parents for advice. It’s important to answer the question right away, rather than put off a teen by saying something like - “you’re too young to know that!” Chances are, the subject has already come up at school and they’re already getting “advice” from their friends. When teens ask questions, look at it as an opportunity to help them learn by sharing our thoughts.

Practice Makes Perfect

As parents, anticipation is our best friend. Anticipate what teens’ questions may be about sex, drugs or alcohol, then think about your responses ahead of time. What to say? It’s different for each family, but become familiar with typical questions and behaviors that occur during the teen years. Do a little digging around popular teen Web sites to find out what’s hot in a teen’s world.

Is It Hot In Here?

If you’re feeling embarrassed or uncomfortable about a question your teen asks, say so. Acknowledging your own discomfort allows your kids to acknowledge theirs - and may make everyone feel a little less awkward all around. It’s also okay for parents to set limits. For example, you do not have to give specific answers about your own teen behaviors.
Read entire article here: http://www.education.com/reference/article/Ref_Tough_Talks_your/

Gambling Addiction with Kids

2008-06-12T09:10:00.000-07:00

By Connect with Kids

“I think if someone had asked me if I had wanted to go out with a beautiful girl or sit at home and play poker, I probably would have said I’d play poker.”

– Daniel Gushue, 22 years old

Daniel was a compulsive gambler.

Over the course of two years he racked up 18 thousand dollars of credit card debt.

“So on a typical night, my gambling at its worst, say here Oct. 25th,” Daniel says looking at his bank statement, “I deposited $50, I deposited another 50, another 50, a 100, another 100, 50, and then 200. So all-in-all that’s 6- $600.”

A survey by the University of Buffalo found that over two percent of teens admit to having a gambling problem. That’s a small number, but that represents 750 thousand teens.

And some are stealing or selling possessions to continue gambling.

Experts blame accessibility.

“So whereas 15-20 years ago you have to get into a car, drive to a casino, might take you an hour or two hours or three hours to get there, now you can just pick up your cell phone and be gambling while you are waiting in the doctor’s office, or while you’re waiting at the bus stop,” explains Dr. Timothy Fong, Addiction Psychiatrist.

That’s why, experts say, parents need to be proactive.

According to psychologist Dr. Larry Rosen that means, “Familiarize yourself with what potential problems your kids might come up against, and sit them down and talk to them.”

Daniel doesn’t play online poker anymore, but he does gamble on sports.

That makes his girlfriend, Carlee Schaper, nervous. “When it comes to watching him online, sports betting and things like that, I don’t like to see him doing that, because I feel like it’s a slippery slope, and, um, it’s possible for him to go back to his old ways.”

“Should I be gambling?” says Daniel, “Probably not. But for the time being I’m in a good place.”

Tips for Parents

The numbers from a University of Buffalo study are staggering. Three-quarters of a million teens have a serious gambling problem. That includes stealing money to gamble, gambling more money then initially planned, or selling possessions to gamble more. Another 11 percent of teens admit to gambling at least twice a week. Evidence shows that individuals who begin gambling at an early age run a much higher lifetime risk of developing a gambling problem.

Some individuals and organizations support teaching poker to adolescents as a real-life means of instructing on critical reasoning, mathematics and probability. They say teaching the probability of winning is the most important aspect of the game and that the mathematics behind the reasoning that will show kids they won’t win in the long run.

The legal gambling age in the United States is 21. Poker sites enable minors to play by clicking a box to verify that they are the legal age and entering a credit card number. Age is verified further only if suspicions are raised.

Some researchers call gambling the fastest-growing teenage addiction. Teens are especially vulnerable to gambling because of the excitement, the risk and their belief that skill is involved. The Arizona Council on Compulsive Gambling and the Connecticut Council on Problem Gambling lists the following warning signs that a teen may be struggling with a gambling problem:

Unexplained need for money: Valuables missing from the home and frequently borrowing money
Withdrawal from the family: Changes in personality, impatience, criticism, sarcasm, increased hostility, irritability, making late-night calls, fewer outside activities, a drop in grades and unaccountable time away from home
Interest in sports teams with no prior allegiance: Watching televised sports excessively, exhibiting an unusual interest in sports reports, viewing multiple games at one time, running up charges to 900 sports phone numbers and showing hostility over the outcome of a game
Gambling paraphernalia: Betting slips, IOUs, lottery tickets, frequent card and dice games at home and the overuse of gambling language, such as “bet,” in conversation
Coming to parents to pay gambling debts
Using lunch or bus money to gamble
Ask yourself the following questions if you suspect your child has a gambling addiction:

Is your child out of the house or confined to a room with a computer for long, unexplained periods of time?
Does your child miss work, school or extra-curricular activities?
Can your child be trusted with money?
Does your child borrow money to gamble with or to pay gambling debts?
Does your child hide his or her money?
Have you noticed a personality change in your child?
Does your child consistently lie to cover up or deny his or her gambling activities?
Compulsive gambling is an illness, progressive in nature. There is no cure, but with help the addiction can be suppressed. Many who gamble live in a dream world to satisfy emotional needs. The gambler dreams of a life filled with friends, new cars, furs, penthouses, yachts, etc. However, a gambler usually will return to win more, so no amount of winning is sufficient to reach these dreams.

The compulsion to gamble can easily lead to self-destructive behavior, especially for teens. If you are concerned that a young person you care about has a gambling problem, encourage him or her to contact a gambling help line in your area or to seek professional help at a gambling treatment facility.

References
American Family Association
Arizona Council on Compulsive Gambling
Connecticut Council on Problem Gambling
National Gambling Impact Study Commission
Student Affairs Administrators in Higher Education
University of Buffalo's Research Institute on Addictions

Sue Scheff: Parenting ADHD Children - Advice from Moms

2008-06-09T04:07:00.001-07:00

By ADDitude Magazine

Moms' advice for parenting ADHD children, creating an ADD-friendly household and smoothing out daily rough spots

It’s the stuff attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) days are made of: You’re trying to get your daughter to finish her homework, but she insists on doing cartwheels across the living room. Or you’ve already had two big dustups with your son — and it’s only 9 a.m.

Sound familiar? Parents of ADHD children have a lot on their plates. And while doctors, therapists, and ADD coaches can offer helpful guidance, much of the best, most practical advice on parenting ADD children comes from those who have been there, done that. In other words, from other ADHD parents.

For this article, ADDitude asked members of support groups across the country (both live and online) for their tried-and-true parenting skill tips for monitoring behavior problems, disciplining and smoothing out the daily rough spots. Here’s what they said.

Read the entire article here: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/581.html

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) When Your Teen is Caught Shoplifting

2008-06-07T07:40:00.001-07:00

By Education.com Patricia Smith

You answer the phone and cringe. Your 14 year-old son walked out of Martin’s Market with a six-pack of Pepsi under his jacket without paying, so says Officer Jones on the other end of the line. Driving to the market to retrieve your son and face Mr. Martin, you wonder, is shoplifting just kid stuff? Or is my son diving headlong into a life of crime?

Take a deep breath. Most likely, this first shoplifting incident doesn’t signal trouble ahead. Even though your son had plenty of change in his pocket and Pepsi in the fridge, doesn’t mean he’s leaving your family to join the Sopranos.

Shoplifting is sometimes viewed as an adolescent rite of passage, albeit an illegal one. The National Crime Prevention Council (NCPC) reports that 24% of apprehended shoplifters are teens, aged 13-17 years old. Teens steal on an impulse or for a thrill. Peer pressure is often cited as the reason. While you might feel motivated to send your son to the doghouse, even McGruff the Crime Dog, icon of the NCPC, recommends that you don’t overreact to the first offense. That said, do take the following steps to convey your concern to your child:

Decide on the consequences beforehand. One in four shoplifters caught is a teen. Think about how you’d handle things if your child was caught shoplifting. Be sure to share your thoughts with your spouse. It’s important to present a united front if an incident does occur.

Remain calm at the scene of the crime. Confronting your child will only add to the humiliation and embarrassment he is probably feeling. Get all the facts. Listen to the authorities and agree to take an active role in the solution.

Allow a cooling off period. Best not to unload on your son the minute you reach your driveway.
Take time, at least a day, to let everyone cool off before discussing the incident. Present corrective action in a timely manner. Lay out the consequences to your son as soon as possible.
If too much time passes, the consequences won’t connect to the action. Be firm, but caring.

Follow through. Important life lessons will be lost if you don’t follow through on your disciplinary actions. Keep your word.

Shoplifting is a serious offense, but most teens are experimenting when they try it—never believing they’ll get caught. When they are, they feel remorse and seldom repeat the offense. So take those sticky fingers seriously, but know that you probably don’t have a future mobster on your hands—just a child who needs help learning from his mistakes.

http://www.education.com/
http://www.helpyourteens.com/
http://www.witsendbook.com/

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff): A Parent's Guide to the Teen Brain

2008-06-05T17:21:00.001-07:00

MEDIA ADVISORY

The Partnership for a Drug Free America to Hold a Virtual Press Conference Announcing Launch of “A Parent’s Guide to the Teen Brain”

- New Site to Help Parents Decode Teen Behavior and Connect with their Kids
- Release of the 20th annual Partnership Attitude Tracking Study

WHAT: The Partnership for a Drug Free America will debut their newest online parenting tool: “A Parent’s Guide to the Teen Brain.” The site launch also coincides with the release of the 20th annual Partnership Attitude Tracking Study (PATS), a survey of parents’ attitudes about drugs and alcohol.

WHY: For every parent of a teenager who has ever wondered “who is this kid?” the website aims to make answering that question easier. Designed to help parents navigate the confusing, often frustrating teen years, “A Parent’s Guide to the Teen Brain” translates recent scientific findings that shed light on how brain development shapes teens’ behavior and personalities into easy-to-understand tips and tools for parents.

The site explains that the human brain takes 25 years to fully develop, with areas responsible for complex judgment and decision-making maturing last. Through video, humorous interactive segments, role-playing and advice from experts, parents learn how adolescent brain development explains the “normal” teen behaviors that often confound parents—impulsiveness, rebellion, high emotions and risk-taking, especially with drugs and alcohol—and how to use this new information to connect with their teens.

The 2007 PATS study shows that as kids become teenagers, their parents need for information and help talking about drugs and alcohol peaks, and parents’ confidence in their ability to keep kids from using drugs and alcohol begins to wane.

WHO: A distinguished panel of experts will participate in a discussion about “A Parent’s
Guide to the Teen Brain including:
• Steve Pasierb: President and Chief Executive Officer of the Partnership for a Drug Free America
• Ken Winters, Ph.D.: director of the Center for Adolescent Substance Abuse Research, a Professor in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Minnesota, and a Senior Scientist with the Treatment Research Institute, Philadelphia, PA.
• Tara Paterson: certified parenting coach, mother of three, founder of the Mom’s Choice Awards (which honor excellence in family friendly media, products and services), author of the upcoming book Raising Intuitive Children and contributor to justformom.com.

Highlights of the Virtual Press Conference will include:
• Detailed explanation/run through of “A Parents Guide to the Teen Brain”
• Explanation about the links between teen behavior and the physiological changes happening in the teen brain
• Explanation of findings from the 2007 PATS study
• Discussion of how to apply the scientific findings about the teen brain to real life
• Valuable insight from a parent and parenting coach

WHERE TO REGISTER*: www.iian.ibeam.com/events/otsp001/26609/

WHEN: June 11, 2008 from 10:00 am – 11:00 am

To download video of the webcast in broadcast quality format (available June 11th from 10am – 11am ET) please visit the coordinates below:

Galaxy 26 Transponder 1 C BAND Analog
Downlink frequency is 3720 Vertica

Beta copies can be requested after the event, but will require additional time for delivery.

Media Contacts: Judy Klein, o: 212-251-1204, m: 917-282-9352, e: jklein@ckpr.biz
Paul Costiglio, o: 212-973-3530, m: 917-686-8697, e: paul_costiglio@drugfree.org

For more information about the Partnership for a Drug-Free America, visit www.drugfree.org.
# # #

Sue Scheff: Preventing Addiction by Dr. John C. Fleming

2008-06-03T14:09:00.000-07:00

Drug and Alcohol Prevention Research

A generation ago, with the idea to prevent drug addition for future generations, former first lady Nancy Reagan launched her famous anti-drug campaign with the slogan, "just say no to drugs." Sadly, addiction and drugs still plague our children despite the best efforts of educators and parents. The benefits of drug prevention are real but our approach to prevention has not been successful.

Now, drug and alcohol prevention research is available from Dr. John Fleming in the book Preventing Addiction. In this first-of-its-kind book, Dr. Fleming introduces real ideas to prevent drug use and alcohol consumption in our children based on medical science and on Dr. Fleming's personal experience as a parent of four grown children. He helps to fully explain the phenomenon of addiction and shows parents the best new ways to raise and train children to avoid drug and alcohol addiction.

Read more about preventing addiction and order this book at http://www.johncflemingmd.com/

http://www.helpyourteens.com/
http://www.witsendbook.com/
http://www.suescheff.com/

Sue Scheff: Parental Power by Dr. Paul Jenkins

2008-06-02T07:17:00.001-07:00

In this 2 CD set, Dr. Jenkins teaches what every parent should know about maturity and control. Parents will also learn three rules for a happy home, four rules just for parents, and four steps for teaching children responsibility. This is the second edition of this popular seminar, with the same powerful content in a studio quality recording.

Visit http://www.drpaul.org/products.html for more information.

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Getting your Teen To Talk: by ParentingMyTeen

2008-06-01T06:16:00.001-07:00

Visit - http://www.parentingmyteen.com/

Depending upon your relationship, getting your teen to talk to you could be an agonizing or enjoyable exchange. If your teen is not communicative or willing to discuss issues, then it is up to you to find ways to get your teen to open up. How? Here are some suggestions.Oftentimes, teens are afraid to discuss a problem head on. Therefore, living in a home that is filled with love and understanding is crucial. While one teen may find it easier to talk to Mom and another feels more comfortable talking with Dad, the conditions in the home are critical to the teen being able to talk about anything at anytime. This process begins at birth. Having conversations with each other is one way to instill a sense of openness in the home. Moms and dads who constantly talk to each other and their children, whether at the dinner table or during bedtime, allow the child to feel good about discussing any topic with one or both parents. Consequently, your child will grow up in an atmosphere where freedom of expression is not only expected but encouraged.

Teenagers come with their own set of problems and issues. It’s the natural course of events for teens. This does not mean, however, they must sit in their rooms contemplating situations which they are neither ready for, nor can handle. Keeping the lines of communication open may be difficult at times, especially if all you get out of your teenager is a grunt of acknowledgement. Don’t give up, no matter how difficult the situation becomes. Whether your teen will admit it or not, having you there allows them to feel safe and secure, even though they don’t show it.

You can be assured, however, when the time is right and when the teen feels there are no other options available, he or she will open up. This is the point at which you should listen carefully to what is being offered. While your teen may not be asking your advice, the ability to be able to say what is on his or her mind may be enough to get out of the funk he or she is in.

However, if you feel your teen has become so distant that nothing seems to work, it may be time to seek help. In the meantime, without being invasive, keep an eye on your teen, ensure he or she is eating and sleeping, and communicating with friends. Every teen is different in how they approach life’s ups and downs. Think back to when you were a teen. Were you as open with your parents as you’d like your teen to be? If not, perhaps the inability to talk openly amongst family members began then.

As parents, we have a lot to deal with in our own lives. Sometimes even we shut down due to the pressure. Getting your teen to talk to you may be just as hard as getting your spouse to talk to you. It is in talking that we let out our innermost thoughts and feelings. Perhaps by learning how to talk to each other, you will instill confidence in your teen to follow your lead.

www.helpyourteens.com

www.witsendbook.com

Sue Scheff: Is Your child in Trouble?

2008-05-31T05:20:00.001-07:00

Is Your Child in Trouble?

This article from the American Chronicle by Genae-Valecia Hinesman lists and details several signs that parents should watch out for, as they may indicate problems in your child's life. Many of these signals are also applicable for inhalant abuse, but this is a great article to read for any parent.

1. Erratic Behavior

"As young people carve out their own individuality separate from that of their parents´, and seek an answer to the proverbial question, "Who AM I?" they could clash more frequently with those around them. They may be happy one minute and sullen the next. Even this is normal. However, if your child starts reacting violently, either at home or at school, clearly something is seriously wrong."

2. Loss of Coordination, Glazed Eyes, Slurred Speech

"Without question, only two things can explain these symptoms. The first is that the person in question has suffered a stroke or a seizure. The second is that this person is inebriated. Both situations require immediate action. If your child is intoxicated, your first duty is to keep them from leaving the house until sober, for their own safety and the safety of others.

Once they are coherent, find out what they were taking and where they obtained it. If they were found unconscious, and taken to a hospital, medical testing will be able to provide a toxicology report. Encourage them to seek help, if addicted, and at least undergo counseling to learn how to avoid future dependency. Help in any way you can, but let them know that they must want to help themselves, in order to successfully change for the better."

3. Persistant Sadness and Withdrawel from Others

"Any child showing these signs for more than two weeks without interruption is clearly depressed. A change in eating habits and/or grooming has probably also been noticed. If so, something, or a combination of things, has triggered these changes. Your job is to find out what."

4. Honor Student to Dropout

"If your consistently top-notch student suddenly loses interest in school with grades in two or more classes plummeting, take heed! Straight A´s simply don´t turn into D´s overnight. Sit down with him or her and find out what´s happening in your child´s life.

Whatever it happens to be, let him or her know that you´re willing not only to help, but to listen as well. Refuse to accept "Leave me alone!" or "Nothing!" as acceptable answers. If they won´t talk to you, find another trusted adult with whom they will talk. Seek professional help if they need it."

5. Drastic Social Changes

"Friends and companions can and sometimes should, change a bit by the time your child leaves high school. Nevertheless, if your child´s associates suddenly are vastly different in negative ways from those they used to spend time with, this is usually a very bad sign. It´s even more telling if they now avoid or shun their old friends for no readily apparent reason."

6. Finding Unusual Possessions

"Discovering drugs, whether prescription, over-the-counter, or illegal narcotics that you had no idea that your child was using calls for immediate address. The same can be said for condoms, birth control devices, cigarettes, alcohol, and drug paraphernalia of any kind.

Recently, even glue, industrial products, and cleaning supplies have been used as inhalants (known among teens as "huffing") by kids seeking to get "high"-- often with fatal results. Finding these in your child´s room, pockets, or belongings is just as serious as finding a weapon. More than a red flag, this is a screaming siren!"

7. Legal Troubles

"Finally, if your child has been arrested at least once, this is clear indication that the situation is rapidly careening beyond the scope of your reach. By the time law enforcement becomes involved two or more times, your child has become society´s problem and the courts will soon decide his or her future.

Repeated run-ins with legal authorities can never be overlooked as "just a phase". There may still be hope, but only if drastic measures are taken and your child still cares enough to save himself or herself. Only so many chances are given to legal offenders. Don´t let time run out. Intervene while you still can."

These are all excellent points and can be of help to parents who ask, "is my kid abusing inhalants?" The warning signs are often subtle, but they are there.

http://www.inhalant.org/

http://www.helpyourteens.com/

http://www.witsendbook.com/

Sue Scheff: Norms aren't Normal

2008-05-29T09:18:00.000-07:00

By Connect with Kids

“If you grow up listening to that stereotype, that you’re gonna grow up and do drugs, that you’re gonna grow up and have sex, then yeah … you’re gonna believe that.”

– Ryan Hentz, 18

What do teens think other teens are doing on a Friday night?

“If you want to be cool, you have to drink and go out … ,” says Leah Conover, 18.

“Partying, having sex … weed, smoking, stuff like that,” 17-year-old Latricia Smith adds.

Tad Kulanko, 18, agrees: “Drinking or all smoking pot; doing drugs all the time.”

Experts say that idea – that everyone is doing it – can be a powerful, self-fulfilling prophecy.

“Teenagers are often trying to find themselves. They want to fit in [and] they want to be part of the crowd,” says Dr. Sherry Blake, a psychologist.

“If you grow up listening to that stereotype, that you’re gonna grow up and do drugs, that you’re gonna grow up and have sex, then yeah, it’s gonna be implanted in your head and you’re gonna believe that,” says Ryan Hentz, 18.

But the stereotype is a myth, according to a movement called “social norming.” This movement’s message is that what’s “normal” for most teens isn’t getting drunk or high, having sex, getting pregnant or vandalizing property.

“The adolescent will realize that, ‘I have choices, and guess what, everybody is not doing this and I don’t have to be drunk or I don’t have to be high to be cool,’” Dr. Blake says.

“Social norming” has caught on at about 40 college campuses nationwide. But experts say parents can use the same concept with their own children well before college age.

Blake says to let them know that “there are a lot of teenagers doing positive things … the norm is not where we have to go out and party and drink.”

Tips for Parents

‘Social Norming’ Latest Trend to Curb Risk-taking

For years, study after study has focused on the number of teens who take negative health risks like smoking, drinking alcohol and abusing drugs. These widespread statistics lead the public to believe that bad behavior among today’s youth is at an all-time high, yet the opposite seems to be the case. Consider these statistics from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) 2005 Youth Risk Behavior Survey:

About 56.7% of high school students said they had not consumed an alcoholic beverage within the past 30 days.

An estimated 90.1% had not driven a car while under the influence of alcohol within the past 30 days.

Only 13.4% of students had smoked one cigarette a day for the last 30 days.
Nearly 61.6% have never tried marijuana.

About 87.6% have never sniffed glue, breathed the contents of aerosol spray cans or inhaled any paints to get high.

An estimated 96% have never taken steroids with or without a doctor’s prescription.

Several colleges are now finding that if the general impression is that most kids don’t drink alcohol, then those who do drink will drink less, and fewer will start drinking in the first place.

This philosophy to curb unhealthy habits, called “social norming,” is also catching on in high schools and middle schools across the country. Officials hope that as they promote the general good health of students, more parents and teens will recognize that taking less health risks is now the “norm.”

While you can’t protect your child or teen from taking a bad health risk, you can become a strong and positive influence in his or her life. The National PTA offers these tips for staying involved in your child’s life so that you can minimize the risks he or she takes:

Keep the lines of communication open. You need to have regular conversations with your teen and supply him or her with honest and accurate information on the many issues he or she faces. Start important discussions with your teen – about smoking, drugs, sex or drinking – even if the topics are difficult or embarrassing. Don’t wait for your teen to come to you.

Set fair and consistent rules. You need to set boundaries that help your teen learn that with his or her new independence comes responsibility. You and your child can work together to set appropriate limits. Be sure that your child understands the purpose behind the rules.

Support your child’s future. Even if you don’t feel you can help with homework, you need to demonstrate that education is important to you and your child’s future. It’s important to you’re your child’s teachers and to create a home environment that supports learning.

Be an example. You need to demonstrate appropriate behaviors. Show concern for and be involved in the community and at school. Maintain regularly scheduled family time to share mutual interests, such as attending movies, concerts, sporting events, plays or museum exhibits. Your teen will often “do as you do,” so don’t take negative health risks, such as drinking or smoking.

If your adolescent does cross the boundaries you have set in order to take a negative health risk, the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry suggests you keep in mind the following points about discipline:

Trust your child to do the right thing within the limits of your child’s age and stage of development.

Make sure what you ask for is reasonable.

Speak to your child as you would want to be spoken to if someone were reprimanding you. Don’t resort to name-calling, yelling or disrespect.

Be clear about what you mean. Be firm and specific.

Model positive behavior. “Do as I say, not as I do” seldom works.

Whenever possible, consequences should be delivered immediately, should relate to the rule broken and be short enough in duration that you can move on again to emphasize the positives.
Consequences should be fair and appropriate to the situation and the child’s age.

References
American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
National PTA

Sue Scheff: Behavior Therapy for Children with ADHD

2008-05-28T08:34:00.000-07:00

By ADDitude Magazine

Seven parenting strategies guaranteed to improve the behavior of your child with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD).

The fundamentals of behavior therapy are easy to understand and implement, even without the help of a therapist. Have you ever given your child a time-out for talking back — or a “heads-up” before taking him someplace that is likely to challenge his self-control? Then you already have a sense of how behavior therapy works.

“A lot of behavior modification is just common-sense parenting,” says William Pelham, Jr., Ph.D., director of the Center for Children and Families at the State University of New York at Buffalo. “The problem is that none of us were trained how to be good parents, and none of us expected to have children who needed parents with great parenting skills and patience.”

The basic idea is to set specific rules governing your child’s behavior (nothing vague or too broad), and to enforce your rules consistently, with positive consequences for following them and negative consequences for infractions. Dr. Pelham suggests these seven strategies:1. Make sure your child understands the rules.

Telling a child to “do this” or to “avoid doing that” is not enough. To ensure that your child knows the rules cold, create lists and post them around the house. For example, you might draw up a list detailing the specific things your child must do to get ready for school.Make sure the rules are worded clearly. Go over the rules to make sure he understands, and review them as necessary. Stick with the routines until your child has them down.

Click here for more: http://www.additudemag.com/adhd/article/1563.html

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) How To Get My Teen To Talk

2008-05-27T12:21:00.001-07:00

By ParentingMyTeen http://www.parentingmyteen.com/

As the parent of a teen, you may long for the days when you could hold your child on your lap and they were eager to talk, Those days may be long gone, but you can still find ways to get your teen to talk and really start to connect with your teen.

To many parents, their teen is a closed book and getting a teen to talk can be like trying to make the earth stop rotating. At times it seems impossible to get them to open up and talk about their lives. But talking to your teen and knowing about their lives is one of the best ways to protect them from danger. Spying and snooping around isn’t the best way to get that information either, it will only upset matters if your teen finds out.

Here are a few tips on how to get a teen to talk:

Start young. Keeping a relationship going with your child is easier than starting one when you haven’t had one before. You may find them trying to pull away once they hit a certain age; just keep at it.

Find common ground. To get your teen to talk, first search for things that you and your teen are both interested in. It’s easier to talk about something that you both have in common. That way, you can ask your child about a band’s new album rather than the same old “how was school?”

Be open to what they say. When you get your teen talking, don’t be surprised if they say some things you don’t like. Just be open to what they’re telling you instead of being judgmental. You can tell them you don’t approve of something without attacking them. If they feel comfortable talking about serious things, they’ll be more likely to come to you if they have a problem.

Spend more together. A recent study showed that many teens rate not having enough time with their parents as one of their top concerns. Many teens feel they can’t talk to their parents because they’re always at work or busy doing something else. We often forget to take time out from our hectic lives to pay enough attention to our kids. Some suggestions for spending extra time with your teen are:

Set up a specific time every week to spend time with your teen
Have dinner at the table with the whole family as often as possible
Work out or engage in a sport with your kids
Drive your teen to school instead of sending them on the bus
While your teen may be reluctant to talk to you at first, keep trying. Likely, you’ll eventually break them down and they’ll look forward to talking with you and spending time together.

www.helpyourteens.com

www.witsendbook.com

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Why Kids and Teens Steal

2008-05-26T06:14:00.000-07:00

Kids of all ages - from preschoolers to teens - can be tempted to steal for different reasons:

Very young children sometimes take things they want without understanding that things cost money and that it's wrong to take something without paying for it.

Elementary school children usually know they're not supposed to take something without paying, but they may take it anyway because they lack enough self-control.

Preteens and teens know they're not supposed to steal, but they may steal for the thrill of it or because their friends are doing it. Some might believe they can get away with it. As they're given more control over their lives, some teens may steal as a way of rebelling.

Read entire article here: http://www.kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/shoplifting.html

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Children Who Bully

2008-05-25T05:17:00.000-07:00

Source: Stop Bullying Now! (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services)

Bullying among children is aggressive behavior that is intentional and that involves an imbalance of power or strength. Typically, it is repeated over time. Bullying can take many forms such as hitting or punching (physical bullying); teasing or name-calling (verbal bullying); intimidation through gestures or social exclusion (nonverbal bullying or emotional bullying); and sending insulting messages by e-mail (cyberbullying).

There is no one single cause of bullying among children. Rather, individual, family, peer, school, and community factors can place a child or youth at risk for bullying his or her peers.

Characteristics of children who bully

Children who bully their peers regularly (i.e., those who admit to bullying more than occasionally) tend to:

Be impulsive, hot-headed, dominant;
Be easily frustrated;
Lack empathy;
Have difficulty following rules; and
View violence in a positive way.
Boys who bully tend to be physically stronger than other children.
Click here for entire article.

Sue Scheff: Alliance for Consumer Education - Learn More about Inhalant Use

2008-05-22T08:02:00.001-07:00

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Inhalant use is a major concern that parents need to learn more about. It is a growing problem among teens and parents need to understand the dangers involved and potentially tragic endings.
Visit http://www.inhalant.org/ for a vast amount of information.

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) How to Talk to Your Kids about Sex, Drugs & Alcohol

2008-05-21T07:28:00.001-07:00

By ParentingMyTeen.com

These are subjects you’ll want to talk about with your children before there is a problem. As a family, you can establish boundaries and consequences and come to a common understanding of what is acceptable.Sex: According to Advocates for Youth, statistics indicate that children who talk to their parents about sex are less likely to engage in high-risk behavior, such as having sex without condoms.

70.6% of teens who reported they didn’t feel comfortable talking to their parents had sex by age 17-19. That compares to 57.9% of teens who reported a close relationship.

It’s true. Not talking to your children about sex isn’t that likely to keep them from doing it. But the opposite is also true. Talking to them about it, isn’t more likely to have them engaging in sexual activity. If it means having sexually active children behaving maturely, talking things out can only help keep our kids safer.

If you think your child is already having sex, chat with them about it. Don’t get angry, but approach it in a calm and reasonable manner. Talk to them about your experiences and be honest. If your child has a boyfriend/girlfriend and things seem to be getting serious, start the conversation if you haven’t already. Above all, make sure they are being safe.

Drugs & Alcohol: Many professionals agree that when parents talk to their kids about drugs and alcohol, those discussions are very likely to shape the child’s attitude about those subjects.

Before you talk to your kids - educate yourself. Check with your local school, library or even look online for the straight facts about drugs and alcohol. Simply telling your kids, “Drugs and alcohol are dangerous,” isn’t going to be as efficient as truly illustrating the very real dangers of substance abuse. Try not to lecture, listen to what your kids have to say and really talk about the issues.

As always, keep it casual. If you spend time with your teenagers and keep the lines of communication open, bringing up the subject is much easier.

Signs of Drug & Alcohol Use: Look out for these tell-tale signs that your child might be using drugs or alcohol:

• Loss of interest in family and other usual activities.
• Not living up to responsibilities.
• Verbally or physical abusiveness.
• Coming home late.
• Increased dishonesty.
• Declining grades.
• Severe mood swings.
• Big change in sleeping patterns..

Understand that a lot of the above signs, especially near the top of the list, could mean a multitude things. Teenagers who are depressed can act in similar ways. When approaching your child, don’t be accusatory. Try to connect with them and see what’s really happening in their lives.

Additional Resources:

Teen Addiction

This anthology presents an examination of the causes of teen addiction and various proposals to reduce or solve the problem, as well as the personal narratives of teens struggling to overcome their addictions.

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Troubled Teens, struggling teens, at risk teens, difficult teens

2008-05-20T08:30:00.000-07:00

Are you struggling with your teen?

Visit http://www.helpyourteens.com/ P.U.R.E. - Parents Universal Resource Experts - Parents helping parents.

P.U.R.E. is based on reality - especially with today's teen society of technology including MySpace and other Internet concerns for children. Today we are educating children at much younger ages about substance abuse, sex, and more.

The latest wave of music and lyrics, television, and movies help to contribute to generate a new spin on this age group.

This leads to new areas of concern for parents. We recognize that each family is different with a variety of needs. P.U.R.E. believes in creating Parent Awareness to help you become an educated parent in the teen help industry.

We will give you a feeling of comfort in a situation that can be confusing, stressful, frustrating, and sometimes desperate.Desperate? Confused? Stressed? Anxious? Helplessness? Frustrated? Scared? Exhausted? Fearful? Alone? Drained? Hopelessness? Out of Control? At Wit's End?...

http://www.helpyourteens.com/
http://www.witsendbook.com/
http://www.suescheff.com/

Sue Scheff: Deliberate Misuse of Inhaler found in 1/4 of Teens

2008-05-18T05:57:00.001-07:00

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff):As a parent advocate, I am learning more and more about inhalant abuse and parents need to be aware of this type of way that kids are getting high today and potentially deadly. Click here and read this article and learn more.

Sue Scheff: Teen Drug - Salvia

2008-05-15T07:30:00.001-07:00

By Connect with Kids

“They feel very out of control; it’s very scary. They will literally have blackouts, and what we are seeing is a lot of people having accidents because they lose their coordination. They aren’t able to think clearly, so we are seeing people fall, stumble, hurt themselves, and have driving accidents.”

– Heather Hayes, LPC, drug counselor

Today, more teenagers are smoking a powerful hallucinogenic herb that is native to Mexico. It is a potent drug, the effects are almost instantaneous, and because it is legal in most states, it has caught the attention of lawmakers around the country.

Henri and Thomas say they have a friend who’s tried it. It’s called Salvia.

“He smoked it, and then went to scratch his head … and can’t remember anything after that,” says Henri Hollis, 18.

Add Thomas Steed, 18, “His friend said he was just going like this [flailing his arms] for like 20 minutes straight.”

In most states, salvia is legal. However, the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) has salvia on its list of “Drugs and Chemicals of Concern.” On the streets and in head shops, salvia is also referred to as “magic mint,” “sally-d” and “diviner’s sage.”

“My friend just brought some over one day, and I was like, ‘Alright!’ says Nick Nehf, 18. “I mean, I’d never heard of it before, but he said he had bought it down the street at the head shop and I was like, ‘Alright, whatever.’”

“Salvia divinorum is a perennial herb that grows wild in Mexico. It’s a hallucinogenic. It’s what back in the 60s we used to call a psychedelic,” says Heather Hayes, licensed professional counselor (LPC) and drug counselor.

Experts say that salvia affects the brain nearly 10 times faster than cocaine, and targets the parts of the brain responsible for motor function.

“They feel very out of control; it’s very scary. They will literally have blackouts, and what we are seeing is a lot of people having accidents because they lose their coordination. They aren’t able to think clearly, so we are seeing people fall, stumble, hurt themselves, and have driving accidents,” says Hayes.

Many states are now considering legislation to ban salvia.

In the meantime, experts say, explain to your kids that just because something is temporarily legal doesn’t mean it is safe.

“Initially, when the drug Ecstasy was developed it was not illegal, but shortly after it was,” says Hayes. “And now we know that Ecstasy is extremely damaging to the brain -- we have people who die after one use. So that would be the analogy I’d give.”

“Anybody who I’ve talked to who has done it says they are never going to try it again because it was too much for them,” says Steed.

Tips for Parents

Partnership for a Drug-Free America and the Media Awareness Program offer these tips to help keep kids from using drugs:

It sounds simple, but one of the best ways to keep your kids drug-free is to show them you care. Simple gestures like an unexpected hug or saying ‘I love you" everyday can help kids gain the confidence to say no to drugs.

Look for teachable moments. Talk about a recent drug or alcohol-related incident in your family or community.

Explain the principles of "why" and not just "what" to do or not do.

Teach real-world coping skills: drug prevention can start by building a teen's confidence for a job interview or teaching a child how to rebuff a schoolmate who wants to copy homework.

Parents remain one of the strongest moral influences on kids, and they need to send a clear anti-drug message. Studies show that parental ambivalence increases a child's risk for drug use.
Focus on one drug at a time: there's strong evidence that media attention to harmful effects of specific drugs has made a difference.

For instance, a 1995 ad campaign about abuse of inhalants, such as paint thinners and glues, precipitated a drastic drop in use.

In 1986, cocaine use fell after extensive news reports on the death of Len Bias, a college-basketball star who died after using cocaine.

(Currently, Heath Ledger’s death has prompted drug rehabilitation for other celebrities as well as the general population.)

These examples illustrate the life cycle of a drug. Word of a drug's “benefits” spreads rapidly, but there is a lag time before kids learn about the dangers. Once the risks become apparent, occasional users drop the drug and potential new users don't try it. Parents and educators can make a difference if they pay attention to the life cycle of a newly popular drug and work to quickly spread the word about harmful effects.

Don't lecture: the use of lecturing is often cited as the single biggest flaw in the best-known and most popular anti-drug programs. Get kids more involved in the lesson, such as asking them to discuss how they'd react at a party where kids were drinking.

Repeat the message: the most successful anti-drug classes are those that are presented over the course of a child's school career.

References

Partnership for a Drug-Free America
Media Awareness Program

Sue Scheff - Parents Universal Resource Experts - Tough Love and Teens Today

2008-05-14T07:56:00.000-07:00

As a parent advocate, I have heard many parents that turn to tough love as one of their last resorts to help their struggling teen.

Many cannot understand or grasp the concept of, tough love or "not enabling" the child to ruin or run the family unit.

Enduring life with a teen that is running the home can result in many uproars, conflicts, arguments, battles, and sometimes psychical and verbal abuse. Tough love is exactly that: Tough. Loving our children is unconditional, but we don’t have to like what they are doing or how they are destroying their lives.

There will come a time when a parent realizes enough is enough!

This is the time that they need the support from outside sources, such as a Tough Love support groups, along with professional intervention.

This does not reflect you as a parent, nor does it place blame on the family, it is the child that is making the bad choices and the family is suffering from it.

Many times tough love is simply letting go. Let the child make their mistakes and they will either learn from them or suffer the consequences. Unfortunately depending on the situation, it is not always feasible to wait until the last minute to intervene.

If you see that tough love is not working at home, it may be time to consider residential placement (placement outside the home). Quality Residential placements work with the entire family. Once the child is safely removed from the family, everyone is able to concentrate on the issues calmly and rationally.

Tough love can mean finding the most appropriate setting outside of the home for your child. While in the whirlwind of confusion, frustration and stress that the child is causing, it is hard to see the actual problem or problems. With time and distance, the healing starts to occur.

Tough love is a very painful and stressful avenue, however in many families, very necessary and very rewarding. Tough love if used correctly can be helpful. However if you are the type to give in at the end, all the hard work of standing your ground will be for nothing.

Actually, your weakness or giving in could result in deeper and more serious problems. Please confer with professionals or outside help if you feel you are not able to follow through with what you are telling your child you will do.

Don’t be ashamed to ask for help, you are certainly not alone.

By Sue Scheff

Founder of Parents' Universal Resource Experts

Author of Wit's End!

Sue Scheff: Report: Depressed teens, marijuana a dangerous mix

2008-05-13T08:01:00.000-07:00

WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Teenagers who use marijuana put themselves at higher risks for serious mental health problems, including worsening depression, schizophrenia, anxiety and suicide, according to a new White House report.

Click here for entire article and report.

Sue Scheff - Parents Universal Resource Experts (P.U.R.E.)

2008-05-11T05:56:00.000-07:00

Are you struggling with your teen? Visit http://www.helpyourteens.com/ P.U.R.E. - Parents Universal Resource Experts - Parents helping parents.

The latest wave of music and lyrics, television, and movies help to contribute to generate a new spin on this age group.

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Discipline Do’s: Creating Limits for ADHD Children

2008-05-09T09:58:00.001-07:00

By ADDitude Magazine

5 ways for parents of ADHD children to establish a reliable structure and solid limits.

Your child with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) is loving, intelligent, cute, creative — and often wants his own way. He has the talk and charm to out-debate you, and will negotiate until the 59th minute of the 23rd hour. Like salesmen who won’t take no for an answer, he can wear you down until you give in to his wishes.

Sound familiar? Children with ADHD are more often slave to, than master of, their wishes and feelings. Those who are exceedingly impulsive and distracted seem to have a greater need for interaction and attention, even if getting it means battling with their parents. While all children require reliable structure and solid limits, ADHD kids need them more. Holding your ground is not mean or unreasonable. Here are some strategies for hanging tough.
Read the entire article - click here.

Sue Scheff - Why Kids Lie?

2008-05-08T12:51:00.000-07:00

By Connect with Kids http://www.connectwithkids.com/

“When parents lie about their kids being a certain age so they get a cheaper price for the movies – that is a small, simple thing, but there are a lot of little examples like that, where kids see that adults fudge.”

– Dr. Tim Jordan, M.D., pediatrician

A survey by Penn State finds that 98 percent of teens say that lying is morally wrong. But in the very same survey, 98 percent say they’ve lied to their parents. Why do the same kids, who know lying is wrong, do it anyway?

“When I lie, I usually mainly lie to get out of something,” says Eric, 13.

“It’s like human nature. You can’t really stop yourself from lying sometimes,” says Annie, 12.

“I think in some cases, it’s okay. Like, I think if you don’t want to tell your parents, then that’s really none of their business,” says Caroline, 17.

Researchers at Penn State surveyed teens about lying on 36 different topics. Teens responded that they lied to their parents about 12 of these topics, including how they spent their money, what movie they went to, what they did after school, and whether they rode in cars with a drunk driver.

“I think in some ways they’re saying, ‘I need to have some secrets, I need to have some of my own private life, it’s important,’” says Dr. Tim Jordan, M.D., pediatrician.

Experts say that kids learn about lying from each other, and from adults.

“Like when parents lie about their kids being a certain age so they get a cheaper price for the movies, that is a small, simple thing, but there are a lot of little examples like that, where kids see that adults fudge,” says Jordan.

But if parents will repeat the right message over and over, says Jordan, eventually kids will learn about lying and right and wrong. In time, they’ll no longer hear just their parents’ voices, they’ll hear their own.

“I want kids to be able to think through things internally, because when they’re out in the world, that’s when they do most of their mischief,” says Jordan. “They have to have their own internal justice system established and I think that comes from inside the home, having a series of conversations over many, many years about right and wrong.”

Tips for Parents

All children lie once in a while – it’s part of growing up. Toddlers lie as a way to create their own fantasy world (i.e. “I have an imaginary friend.”); adolescents lie to re-invent themselves or to get out of trouble. Experts offer the following tips to help you talk to your children about honesty:

Set clear expectations and strive to meet them yourself.

Explain to the child that he will be respected more if he tells the truth than if he lies, even if the truth might make him feel uncomfortable or get him in trouble.

Talk to children about the difference between make-believe and reality, and about alternatives to lying.

Give children examples of why honesty is important. Show how lying has consequences.
When a child is caught lying, talk about the consequences, how she might have acted differently, and how she should act going forward.

Avoid browbeating and punishing when broaching the subject of dishonesty. Be firm but understanding, and let them know you expect the truth no matter what.

If it appears that a child has a serious problem with lying, seek professional help from a counselor, psychologist or psychiatrist.

Help your children practice being honest so that lying is not comfortable for them and is not a part of who they are.

References
Parenthood.com
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry

Sue Scheff: Teen Drinking and Driving

2008-05-07T07:24:00.001-07:00

By Connect with Kids

Shattered

It’s hard to get teens to really listen when adults talk to them about the dangers of drinking and driving. Your kids will listen to Shattered. The program features true stories from real teens whose lives were drastically changed as a result of drunk driving. Watch and learn together, and suddenly the pressure is off your own children as they relate to the kids onscreen. You won't be talking at your children... you'll be talking with them.

“I didn't think I’d ever be one of these people, you know, that drinks and drives and hurts people, but I am.” – Jayme Webb, her story, in Shattered

Shattered is a no-sugar-coated, heart-wrenching program, with facts and tips from experts to help parents and teens avoid the risks of drinking and driving.

“As teenagers, we always think we are invincible and nothing bad is ever going to happen to us,” says Whitney, 16. But bad things do happen. Nearly 3,000 teenagers die each year due to alcohol-related car accidents. It is the leading cause of death among 15- to 20-year-olds.
Comes with a free Family Viewing Guide with myth-busters about alcohol’s effects, sobering up, peer pressure, and resources to help you create a driving contract you’re your teens.

http://www.helpyourteens.com/
http://www.witsendbook.com/

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Can Your Child's Diet Affect Their Behavior?

2008-05-06T07:07:00.001-07:00

Many learning and behavior problems begin in your grocery cart!

Did you know that the brand of ice cream, cookie, and potato chip you select could have a direct effect on the behavior, health, and ability to learn for you or your children?

Click Here to learn more.

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Teen Substance Abuse

2008-05-05T07:46:00.000-07:00

Teen Drug Use and Teen Drinking also known as Substance Abuse amongst teens and even children.

With today's society, kids have access to many different substances that can be addictive and damaging. If you suspect your child is using drugs or drinking alcohol, please seek help for them as soon as possible. Drug testing is helpful, but not always accurate. Teen Drug use and Teen Drinking may escalate to addiction.

We get calls constantly, that a child is only smoking pot. Unfortunately in most cases, marijuana can lead to more severe drugs, and marijuana is considered an illegal drug. Smoking marijuana is damaging to the child's body, brain and behavior. Even though marijuana is not considered a narcotic, most teens are very hooked on it. Many teens that are on prescribed medications such as Ritalin, Adderall, Strattera, Concerta, Zoloft, Prozac etc. are more at risk when mixing these medications with street drugs. It is critical you speak with your child about this and learn all the side effects. Educating your child on the potential harm may help them to understand the dangers involved in mixing prescription drugs with street drugs. Awareness is the first step to understanding.

Alcohol is not any different with today's teens. Like adults, some teens use the substances to escape their problems; however they don't realize that it is not an escape but rather a deep dark hole. Some teens use substances to "fit in" with the rest of their peers – teen peer pressure. This is when a child really needs to know that they don't need to "fit in" if it means hurting themselves. Using drug and alcohol is harming them. Especially if a teen is taking prescribed medication (refer to the above paragraph) teen drinking can be harmful. The combination can bring out the worse in a person. Communicating with your teen, as difficult as it can be, is one of the best tools we have. Even if you think they are not listening, we hope eventually they will hear you.

If your teen is experimenting with this, please step in and get proper help through local resources. If it has extended into an addiction, it is probably time for a Residential Placement. If you feel your child is only experimenting, it is wise to start precautions early. An informed parent is an educated parent. This can be your life jacket when and if you need the proper intervention. Always be prepared, it can save you from rash decisions later.

A teen that is just starting to experiment with substance use or starting to become difficult; a solid short term self growth program may be very beneficial for them. However keep in mind, if this behavior has been escalating over a length of time, the short term program may only serve as a temporary band-aid.

Drugs and Alcoholic usage is definitely a sign that your child needs help. Teen Drug Addiction and Teen Drinking is a serious problem in today’s society; if you suspect your child is using substances, especially if they are on prescribed medications, start seeking local help. If the local resources become exhausted, and you are still experiencing difficulties, it may be time for the next step; Therapeutic Boarding School or Residential Treatment Center.

Visit http://www.helpyourteens.com/

or http://www.witsendbook.com/

Sue Scheff: What is Inhalant Abuse?

2008-05-04T09:13:00.000-07:00

After receiving a heartwarming email from a parent that lost her precious son at a very young age to inhalant abuse (sniffing/huffing air freshener), as a parent advocate, I believe I have to continue to bring this awareness to all parents of teens and pre-teens. Many talk to their kids about the dangers of drug use, but please include inhalant use - you could save a life.

Inhalant abuse refers to the deliberate inhalation or sniffing of common products found in homes and communities with the purpose of "getting high." Inhalants are easily accessible, legal, everyday products. When used as intended, these products have a useful purpose in our lives and enhance the quality of life, but when intentionally misused, they can be deadly. Inhalant Abuse is a lesser recognized form of substance abuse, but it is no less dangerous. Inhalants are addictive and are considered to be "gateway" drugs because children often progress from inhalants to illegal drug and alcohol abuse. The National Institute on Drug Abuse reports that one in five American teens have used Inhalants to get high.

Inhalation is referred to as huffing, sniffing, dusting or bagging and generally occurs through the nose or mouth. Huffing is when a chemically soaked rag is held to the face or stuffed in the mouth and the substance is inhaled. Sniffing can be done directly from containers, plastic bags, clothing or rags saturated with a substance or from the product directly. With Bagging, substances are sprayed or deposited into a plastic or paper bag and the vapors are inhaled. This method can result in suffocation because a bag is placed over the individual's head, cutting off the supply of oxygen.

Other methods used include placing inhalants on sleeves, collars, or other items of clothing that are sniffed over a period of time. Fumes are discharged into soda cans and inhaled from the can or balloons are filled with nitrous oxide and the vapors are inhaled. Heating volatile substances and inhaling the vapors emitted is another form of inhalation. All of these methods are potentially harmful or deadly. Experts estimate that there are several hundred deaths each year from Inhalant Abuse, although under-reporting is still a problem.

What Products Can be Abused?

There are more than a 1,400 products which are potentially dangerous when inhaled, such as typewriter correction fluid, air conditioning coolant, gasoline, propane, felt tip markers, spray paint, air freshener, butane, cooking spray, paint, and glue. Most are common products that can be found in the home, garage, office, school or as close as the local convenience store. The best advice for consumers is to read the labels before using a product to ensure the proper method is observed. It is also recommended that parents discuss the product labels with their children at age-appropriate times. The following list represents categories of products that are commonly abused.

http://www.inhalant.org/

http://www.helpyourteens.com/

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Teen Drug Testing

2008-05-03T13:24:00.001-07:00

Parents are the #1 Reason Kids Don't Do Drugs.... Test with HairConfirm Drug Test for a 90 Day Drug History Report!

Visit here to find out more information.

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Lying, Cheating, Stealing with Teens

2008-05-02T13:28:00.000-07:00

By Connect with Kids

When Nobody's Looking

In When Nobody's Looking, the latest research shows that cheating is at an all time high. Seven out of 10 students admit to cheating in school and sports - and more than half of them believe it is acceptable. Nine of out 10 students say they lie to their parents, and nearly 50 percent of shoplifters are adolescents.

How can you help children become more ethical, truthful and responsible? Watch When Nobody's Looking, and listen to the true stories in the program. It’s a perfect way to begin a conversation about your own values and expectations... to understand your children’s fears, the pressure they feel, their worries about college, scholarships, homework. You’ll also get the latest advice from interviews with child experts and educators, and important information from the free Program Viewing Guide.

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) 12 Parenting Strategies that work for ADD Kids

2008-05-01T10:52:00.001-07:00

12 Parenting Strategies That Work for ADD Kids by ADDitude Magazine

A dozen ways to be a better parent to your ADD child.

Most parents are good parents. But if your son or daughter has attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD), "good" may not be enough. To ensure that your child is happy and well-adjusted now and in the future—and to create a tranquil home environment—you've got to be a great parent.

Click Here for the Entire Article.

Sue Scheff: Defiance and Teen Mischief

2008-04-30T07:47:00.000-07:00

Too Young to Start

There are almost as many reasons teens steal as there are things for teens to steal. One of the biggest reasons teens steal is peer pressure. Often, teens will steal items as a means of proving’ that they are “cool enough” to hang out with a certain group. This is especially dangerous because if your teen can be convinced to break the law for petty theft, there is a strong possibility he or she can be convinced to try other, more dangerous behaviors, like drinking or drugs. It is because of this that it is imperative you correct this behavior before it escalates to something beyond your control.

Another common reason teens steal is because they want an item their peers have but they cannot afford to purchase. Teens are very peer influenced, and may feel that if they don’t have the ‘it’ sneakers or mp3 player, they’ll be considered less cool than the kids who do. If your teen cannot afford these items, they may be so desperate to fit in that they simply steal the item. They may also steal money from you or a sibling to buy such an item. If you notice your teen has new electronics or accessories that you know you did not buy them, and your teen does not have a job or source of money, you may want to address whereabouts they came up with these items.

Teens may also steal simply for a thrill. Teens who steal for the ‘rush’ or the adrenaline boost are often simply bored and/ or testing the limits of authority. They may not even need or want the item they’re stealing! In cases like these, teens can act alone or as part of a group. Often, friends accompanying teens who shoplift will act as a ‘lookout’ for their friend who is committing the theft. Unfortunately, even if the lookout doesn’t actually steal anything, the can be prosecuted right along with the actual teen committing the crime, so its important that you make sure your teen is not aiding his or her friends who are shoplifting.

Yet another reason teens steal is for attention. If your teen feels neglected at home, or is jealous of the attention a sibling is getting, he or she may steal in the hopes that he or she is caught and the focus of your attention is diverted to them. If you suspect your teen is stealing or acting out to gain your attention, it is important that you address the problem before it garners more than just your attention, and becomes part of their criminal record. Though unconventional, this is your teen’s way of asking for your help- don’t let them down!

www.helpyourteens.com

Sue Scheff: Inhalant Abuse Is Growing Problem Among Teens

2008-04-29T14:27:00.001-07:00

Monitoring your child will make your child much less likely to use Inhalants or other drugs.

· Know where your child is at all times, especially after school
· Know your child's friends
· If you find your child unconscious, or you suspect your child is under the influence of an Inhalant, call 911 immediately.

If you suspect your child might be abusing Inhalants, call the Poison Control Center at 1-800-222-1222; or call the '1-800' number on the label of the product.

According to the Partnership for a Drug-Free America, "if you talk to your kids about the risks of drugs, they are 36% less likely to abuse an Inhalant." Parents can make a tremendous impact on their kids' choices by talking to them.

www.inhalant.org

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) The Feingold Program

2008-04-28T06:28:00.001-07:00

The Feingold Program (also known as the Feingold Diet) is a test to determine if certain foods or food additives are triggering particular symptoms. It is basically the way people used to eat before "hyperactivity" became a household word, and before asthma and chronic ear infections became so very common. Used originally as a diet for allergies, improvement in behavior and attention was first noticed as a "side effect." It is a reasonable first step to take before (or with if already begun) drug treatment for any of the symptoms listed on the Symptoms page.

Visit http://www.feingold.org/

Sue Scheff (P.U.R.E.) STD Rates Among Teen Girls

2008-04-27T06:57:00.001-07:00

By Connect with Kids

“I wasn’t thinking about my parents, what would they think? I wasn’t thinking about getting pregnant, I wasn’t thinking about having AIDS or getting any STDs. I wasn’t thinking about anyone, just what was happening at the moment.”

– Kimberly, 17

The numbers are staggering: 3.2 million teenage girls in America have a sexually transmitted disease (STD). Why are so many young girls infected and what can parents do?

“I didn’t decide to have sex, it just happened,” says Kimberly, 17.

And, the first time Kimberly had sex, she didn’t use protection.

“I wasn’t thinking about my parents, what would they think? I wasn’t thinking about getting pregnant, I wasn’t thinking about having AIDS or getting any STDs. I wasn’t thinking about anyone, just what was happening at the moment,” says Kimberly.

Did she get an STD that first time?

“It was unprotected sex, and I could have anything right now, this is how easy it is to get these diseases,” says Kimberly.

The Centers for Disease Control reports that 1 in 4 teen girls has an STD. Even more startling, half of all African-American teen girls are infected. Experts say in many U.S. households, parents just aren’t teaching their children about the health dangers of sex.

“In the African-American community, I think it’s very hard to talk about issues surrounding HIV, surrounding STDs, surrounding teenage pregnancy. They’re not teaching them how to say no, they’re just teaching them not to do it. They’re not empowering them to stand up for themselves. They’re not giving them any tools. They’re just saying, ‘don’t do it; if you do it this is going to happen,’” says Zina Age, MSW, HIV and STD prevention advocate.

Age says if kids can see a productive future for themselves, they’re more likely to protect that future.

“They don’t have the tools to know that at 16, I don’t get pregnant; that at 16, I go to college or I graduate. They don’t have any role models to show that this actually take place. And that’s the part that’s scary,” says Age.

Kimberly was lucky -- she didn’t have an STD, but she learned a lesson.

“I used to be afraid of telling my boyfriend, ‘can you please put a condom on?’ In the moment, you’re just letting everything flow and it’s stopping everything [to ask] ‘can you go put a condom on?’ It’s kind of hard to do that. But now I actually stop and think about what I’m doing, so I learned a lot about that,” says Kimberly.

Tips for Parents

It's never too late to talk to your child about STDs. After all, a late talk is better than no talk at all. But the best time to start having these discussions is during the preteen or middle school years. (Nemours Foundation)

Questions are a good starting point for a discussion. When kids are curious, they're more open to hearing what their parents have to say. Another way to initiate a discussion is to use a media cue, such as a TV program or an article in the paper, and ask your child what he or she thinks about it. (Nemours Foundation)

Be informed. STDs can be a frightening and confusing subject, so it may help if you read up on STD transmission and prevention. You don't want to add any misinformation, and being familiar with the topic will make you feel more comfortable. (Nemours Foundation)

Ask your child what he or she already knows about STDs and what else your child would like to learn. Remember, though: Your child may already know a lot more than you realize, although much of that information could be incorrect. Parents need to provide accurate information so their kids can make the right decisions and protect themselves. (Nemours Foundation)

The only sure way to remain STD-free is to nothave sex or intimate contact with anyone outside of a committed, monogamous relationship, such as marriage. (Nemours Foundation)

References

Nemours Foundation

Sue Scheff - Making Peace with Your Defiant Child: Discipline & ODD

2008-04-26T06:21:00.001-07:00

Discipline strategies for parents of children with oppositional defiant disorder - a common partner to ADHD.

Click here for the entire article.

ADDitude Magazine has comprehensive articles on ADD/ADHD in regards to both children and adults.

As a parent advocate (Sue Scheff) my organization - Parents' Universal Resource Experts - is about parents helping parents and bringing you valuable stories, articles and more to help you with today's kids.

Sue Scheff - Parents Universal Resource Experts - Defiance Teens

2008-04-25T16:35:00.001-07:00

Are you at your Wit's End!?

Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?

Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.

Sue Scheff - Defiant and Rebellious Teens

2008-04-23T06:47:00.001-07:00

Parent's Universal Resource Experts has found that children that have ODD (Oppositional Defiance Disorder) are very confrontational and need to have life their own way. A child does not have to be diagnosed ODD to be defiant. It is a trait that some teens experience through their puberty years.

Defiant teens, disrespectful teens, angry teens and rebellious teens can affect the entire family.An effective way to work with defiant teens is through anger and stress management classes. If you have a local therapist*, ask them if they offer these classes. Most will have them along with support groups and other beneficial classes.

In today's teens we are seeing that defiant teens have taken it to a new level. Especially if your child is also ADD/ADHD, the ODD combination can literally pull a family apart.
You will find yourself wondering what you ever did to deserve the way your child is treating you. It is very sad, yet very real. Please know that many families are experiencing this feeling of destruction within their home. Many wonder "why" and unfortunately each child is different with a variety of issues they are dealing with. Once a child is placed into proper treatment, the healing process can begin.

If you feel your teen is in need of further Boarding School, Military School or Program Options, please complete our Information Request Form.

Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.